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E-mail: Gbox360@me.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Member Since: January 8, 2015
Answers: 214
Last Update: October 27, 2016
Visitors: 10602
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I'm 20 and female and the guy I'm talking to is 22. He is a former US Navy Seal and while I do really enjoy his company and talking to him at work, I feel like his feelings are growing while mine are diminishing. He has been diagnosed with PTSD and therefore could not reenlist back into the Navy to get placed back into being a seal. He came home back in November and is pretty distraught that he could not reenlist due to his PTSD but he's coming to terms with it. Which is one of the first red flags for me, I study human behavior and the mind as a major in college so I know when you get diagnosed with PTSD, there is a very slim chance you only get that so I asked to which he told me he also has depression and anxiety.. he tried to kill himself 25 times and barely ever gets sleep due to night terrors. So, if I do want to take things further, that's something I really have to keep in mind that if we ever spend the night together or something, he won't sleep and I have to worry about him wanting to take his life over something. I know it's selfish of me to not want to get involved in that but I can't go into something when I know he's not only tried to kill himself, but tried to kill himself 25 times in 22 years and when I asked what his suicide tendencies are causal to, he texted me back "....." which is fine if he didn't want to tell me but he could've texted me back that he wouldn't rather talk about it instead of periods so I got a little irritated and didn't text him back so he texted me maybe an hour later and said he doesn't want to tell me because he doesn't want to lie. But then he goes to tell me that he thinks his night terrors are starting to go away and he said they started getting lesser when we started talking more which makes me feel horrible.
Anyway, we only talk at work but we have each other's numbers so we do text sometimes but one thing that kind of bothers me is that he only texts me when he's working, like that's the only time I'm good for him, when he has to stay awake to work his overnight shifts. I have trouble sleeping sometimes due to my stress from finishing my junior year of college so he knows I'll most likely be awake when I text him and he's flirty during that time but if I fall asleep and wake up and text him back, it's usually one to maybe five words so I just never answer him.
Another thing that definitely turned me off is his mother. She used to work where the both of us work so I knew her long before him and she was pretty cool when I knew her first. But she came into my work the other night to drop him off....that's another thing, he's 22 and doesn't have his license and doesn't seem to be making any effort to change that...and she immediately began with "you're friends with me on Facebook and didn't even tell me that you were talking to my son?" so I told her I didn't even really put two and two together until about a week ago when another girl I work with told me his last name. She went off about how this girl that told me his last name used to have feelings for him and when he didn't reciprocate the feelings, she apparently got mad and started rumors about him and continued to say "I don't get involved in my child's relationships but if you start pulling that shit, I will f*ck you up." Like, she's a mother talking like that about an 18 year old girl to another 20 year old girl that could've potentially been a new girlfriend. Then she continued on with saying "What's this I hear you want to take him to Kiwi?" --- Kiwi is a frozen yogurt place, I go there with all of my friends, it's kind of a local hang out for all of us --- so I told her that I really liked it there and I thought he would too and she told me, didn't even ask me, "I'm going to Facebook message you my address, he's off all this weekend, come pick him up and take him." I was shocked, like I'm in my last two weeks of my junior year in college and she's telling me to take her son out, all while I'm trying to write these end of the year papers and study for exams and research internships I need to apply for in my senior year and work my part time job every night for four hours.
Another thing he likes to do, now I'm not sure if he does it on purpose or maybe he does it subconsciously as a symptom of his depression and PTSD, but he'll put himself down all the time and I always have to tell him that he isn't what he says he is. I feel like his mother. The other night he whatever'd me and I told him I hated when he did that so he said he won't do it anymore and I joked and told him that he told me that before and he said "I really won't now, I forgot, I'm retarded" and I had to tell him "stop, you're not retarded." to which I replied the morning I woke up and his response around 8 am (when he finishes work at 7 am) was "yeppers" so I didn't even answer. Or he'll tell me he's fat all the time, anything to put himself down almost like he expects me to dote on him.
Another thing he does that I'm not a fan of is he never really asks me about me. I always ask him about his time in the military and his issues coming out of it and he has no problem sharing stories to which I really have no problem listening to because like I said, I study this stuff so it is intriguing to me. But he will never say something like "oh we talk about me all the time, how are you?" Or he'll never ask me how school was or how work is but yet, when I'm up at 4:30 in the morning texting him while he's at work, I always ask how it is. I have issues with my family, so I told him one day that I had to drive about an hour away even though I didn't want to because I sometimes just dread being with my family because there's so much going on. He asked me why I get stressed when I have to hang out with my family and I told him "if only you knew some of the stories" and he just blatantly said "yeah, I don't want to, lol"
Now don't get me wrong, there are good things about him. One night he walked me to my car because there's another over night worker that hits on my but he's much older than I am so it freaks me out sometimes so he walked me to my car so this other guy wouldn't catch me and hit on me on the way out. He also has his own nickname for me to play off my how he says "bubbly personality" which he uses all the time. I like his funny personality and how hard he works at work and how gentlemanly he is to people that I know he doesn't like.
What do I do? I can't really cut contact with him, I see him every night at work when I'm leaving and he's coming in so I have to still talk to him and be civil with him but he keeps asking me to hang out and I don't know if I should because I know he might try something. Or am I being irrational, do you think I should give him a chance?
Any input is much appreciated. I'm twenty and only had one boyfriend because my mom claims I'm just way too picky, I just don't know if I can deal with him or not on a romantic level when all of this is going on with just a friendship happening.
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Yeahhh, I had a boyfriend like him once. It seems he has a lot of maturing to do, and isn't boyfriend material just yet. Sometimes it takes someone to mature them, and sometimes they just need more time than the average. And the whole mama's boy thing is a red flag. They need to detach before he can be ready for a serious relationship. So I don't suggest getting into a relationship with him at this time. If things don't work out, his mom could go all wack on you or something. So probably just stay friends for awhile and see if any maturing or huge changes happen, and if not, then it may just not be meant to be.
Hope this helps~
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Rating: 5
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thank you so much, his mom was definitely the biggest turn off for me.
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