Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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24/f. My mom has been emotionally and psychologically abusing me for as long as I can remember. Because she is a narcissist, no one believes me in my family. First and foremost, I can't report emotional/psychological abuse to the police. However, it has affected me a great deal and has put my mental health in danger. She has stolen my identity, which could ideally put her bind bars for some time. But, if I did that, no one in my entire family would speak to me. My mom has BIG issues and I don't think jail is the answer. She needs to go to therapy. She needs to be forced to go to therapy. I have one family member, my cousin, who believes me. She's only 11 and she says that my mother is unstable and that she would consider the way she treats me as emotional abuse. I don't live completely at home. I have an apartment about 30 minutes away. However, I do come back home to see my grandparents, pets, and my niece and nephew. However, my mom does not stop calling me. She calls at all hours and told me that she has a tracker on my phone to see where I am. EVERYTHING is a problem for her. She is a stalker. The other day, I was at CHURCH and she said that she wanted me to leave immediately and that she was angry. Then, she made up some story saying she "KNEW" that I was with someone and just didn't want to come see her. I am not willing to speak to her until she gets therapy. However, she is dangerous, it seems. She is scary. She'll make threats like she is going to hurt herself. Pretty soon, my family will come knocking on my door dragging me out telling me that I have to come see her that I'm the wrong one for whatever I did. I want to go off the grid with the condition that my mom gets the help she needs, and my family, for the most part, gets help too. I am tired of being in such a dysfunctional circle. It has ruined my relationships, friendships, and even my jobs. These people are intense. If I don't answer, they WILL come find me. My dad is the commander of the city and he has trackers and will find me in a second. There has to be a way that I can do this legally... like literally go off the grid, be able to continue my studies online, and her to be told that she can't see me until she goes to therapy... like maybe some kind of restraining order. i don't know. Please help!
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Ok, first off find the number to your local "Adult Protective Services" and call them and tell them whats going on and what action they could take to help her if at all.
Then if anyone comes to your door dont answer if you dont want to talk to them. if your phone is on their plan then get it off, get your own cell phone even if its a prepaid one and toss the other one in the trash. Change churches because if your mom knows where you go then she will come there looking for you.
Change cars, sell your current car if you have one and buy something else on craigslist for close to the same amount, that way they wont spot you when your driving around and even if your car is parked outside your house and they try to come there they will think you moved because "theres someone else parked in your spot outside". Take anything out of the car that might tip them off that the vehicle is yours AKA charms, clothing items, shoes, anything.
then move asap and only allow them to call your prepaid phone that you can have disconnected at anytime if need be and change the number.
if they are on her side then this is probably the only real way your falling off the grid plan will work. Make yourself ONLY available by prepaid phone or facebook allowing you to contact them back when its most convenient for YOU. make sure your house phone if you choose to have one is unlisted, and dont go to any of the same places you went to alot before.
true your mother needs help but it also sounds like the rest of your family does too. Get away from them asap, get a job if you dont have one already, save up, and execute the plan here.
that should be enough. dont let ANYONE who will tell your family where you live or what kind of car you drive over to your house. just say its nothing personal im just trying to deal with alot right now and youll get back to them about getting together. Once you know you can trust them then its fine and you can use your own judgement.
good luck.
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Rating: 5
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thank you so much for this answer. thank you for validating that I'm not crazy for thinking they have gone too far. other members of the family receive the same treatment but they respect their elders and think this is permissible
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