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E-mail: Gbox360@me.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Member Since: January 8, 2015
Answers: 214
Last Update: October 27, 2016
Visitors: 10604
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Hey there all. I need some help. I have been in a bad relationship for quite some time now... about 3 years. My family started to hate this guy and the hatred was so strong and they basically had no real reason. They just said that they hated him. So, I started to discredit that hatred because I just thought that they were trying to make my life miserable. I basically lied starting back in August and told them that I had broken up with him. I felt bad about it, but you have to understand that it was day in and day out talking about him and how much they hated him. I just felt like it was the only way to get them to stop.
I recently moved and now, without their influence, I have been able to see for myself how bad he really is. He treats me like garbage. He's aggressive. He makes fun of my beliefs and values. He takes money from me. He orders me around. I offered him food and he says "I don't want that crap." Most people would just say "no thank you." I think that I was in a daze when I first started dating him because I had just lost a close family member to cancer. So, I didn't really see what was right in front of me. There were red flags from the very beginning. If I would have valued myself a little more three years ago, I probably wouldn't have started dating him at all. I would have seen it as a bad choice. Now, that I have come out of that "shock"from the loss, I can see things a little more clearly. The person who passed was my cousin, and we were very, very close. He was only a year younger than me. He was my best friend and passed from cancer. So, it wasn't just the loss that effected me, it was seeing him ill for so long. Recently, I was even diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder likely do to this. So, I feel that now is when I'm coming out of this adrenaline rush that I had going on when we were taking care of him.
Before, I wasn't even sure that I wanted to break up with him. I thought that I was doing it for the wrong reasons: my mom/family. Especially given the nature of the way that they said it. But, now I have seen for myself. I've never broken up with anyone before. I've only had one other serious relationship and it ended in another way. I don't even know how to face him. I'm afraid that he's gonna start crying... and then I'm just gonna feel bad and stay with him. I've come to realize that he has a bit of a dangerous temper and he is aggressive. Since my cousin passed, I had been going to therapy and obviously, this came up. The therapist believes that he is a narcissist. I'm afraid of telling him in person. I know it's the "right" thing to do, but I can't look him in the eye. I just wish I could wake up tomorrow and it could be over. This has had me so stressed that I've often thought... I wish the Lord would just take me so I could just avoid it. But, I know that this is something I need to do. I'm not happy at all. I'm miserable in this relationship and I don't want to be in it anymore.
Lastly, I should bring up that my birthday is on Sunday. I'm turning 24. Last year, he didn't get me anything for my birthday and didn't even come see me. This year, he's suddenly interested in "making up for it" and has a whole day planned. I'm not interested in spending the day with him. But, I'm worried about breaking up with him before then because I fear that he could hunt me down and ruin it. Please advise! Also, please advise on the best way to break up with him and how to get over that fear.
Thank you. Blessings.
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You need to break it off ASAP. he sounds like an unstable person, and it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. If you don't like him, he doesn't treat you right, and you're miserable and unhappy, then you have to call it off. Your happiness is more important than his heartbreak, because it's Your life, and you can't base decisions like these on other people's feelings. Even if he does get "upset," you have to be strong for yourself so you both can just move on sooner. You should tell him that you're just not in a good place right now, and you're too stressed for a relationship, even if that is not all entirely true. But just say that it's not a good time for a relationship for you, and you need to focus on other things. If you're worried about your safety, tell a close friend what you're doing (breaking up) and around the time you're doing it and tell them that if you don't check in to say what happened at a certain time, to call and/or check on you and such. There other other possibilities, but you should end the relationship, even if he wants to "make it up." Be strong!
Hope this helps~
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Rating: 5
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thank you. there's really no other choice than to be strong. no one else can do this for me. thank you. xoxo
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