Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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Me-23/F
Boyfriend-25/M
I took an at home pregnancy test which I purchased from a local drug store, which tested negative.
Around that time out of fear and wondering what was going on with my body, I decided to speak to my boyfriend's mother who I THOUGHT would be accepting and understanding. My sister was telling me one thing and my brother's boyfriend's girlfriend was telling me something else, they are both in their twenties so I thought that I would speak to someone older to see if they could shed light.
I chose this woman because the two of us have had such a great relationship in the past and she has been there for me many times. She texted me back, telling me that I was probably pregnant or there was something off with my cycle.
From that point on, she suggested that I get an abortion because my boyfriend and I are not financially ready and are both still in school, but told me that it was up to me.
After taking the test I went to an urgent care clinic, where a doctor saw me who gave me yet another urine test which tested negative. She suggested that I take a blood test to find out whether or not I am pregnant because she said that it is much more accurate.
I texted my boyfriend's mother with what the doctor had said, and she wanted to know the results of the blood test right away. I explained to her that it would take a while for me to find out, that it was lab work and that I would not know right away.
So the chances are very low that I am actually pregnant but it does not stop my boyfriend's mother from basically forcing an abortion on me. In her words, we cannot raise the child because none of us are financially ready and giving the child up for adoption (even though she gave a son or adoption 35 years ago, who she regrets giving birth to). Not only did she try to make up our minds for us, but she said that she hopes that I am not pregnant so that "WE" (my boyfriend, his mother, and I) do not have a decision to make.
Her perspective is that we can make any decision that we want but that she doesn't want her son to screw up his life. I am leaning towards accepting the pregnancy and raising the child, which I think is the best decision for me and my boyfriend. Every option seems to have a double-edged sword, but even though my family will probably kill me when they find out I know that by the time the baby's born that my boyfriend and I will have a place to go, as long as we get married (which we have talked about doing anyway).
I have no idea what my boyfriend thinks about this. But am I being unreasonable by strongly disagreeing with her, how do I get her to accept my decision and to realize that her son is a grown adult and she cannot make such a decision for him?
This all started because I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to tell his mom the test results, or if he wanted to. He just said "don't tell her anything," as if this something that is just going to go away.
(BTW, if I am pregnant I think that my boyfriend would have conceived the child sometime in November. He only has one more semester of college left, and has experience as an accounting intern and I do not doubt that he is going to find a job in his chosen field.) (link)
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Well first off, you cant MAKE someone accept the choices you make in life. Its your life and no one else's, so weather you allow her to voice her option or not its still up to you and your boyfriend to make this important life decision.
Others arent always going to be happy with your choices but they arent theirs to make. Stay true to yourself and while i think its great to hear people out and allow their voices to be heard and then taken into consideration, at the end of the day you still have to choose whatever your going to do. ; )
Please let me say im sorry sweetie. I saw your feedback and i want to help as much as i can here. Im sure that you know and i cant exactly tell you how to deal with someone ive never even met before. I dont think anyone here really can, but i think listening to your boyfriend when he knows her better then you do is a huge part to consider here.
I have to agree with the other poster here about how to deal with her though. I think quiet and yet still respectful is the solution here. Silence cant really get you in trouble either, so i read that you said that you talk with her alot and all which im sure makes you feel closer to her on some level.
At the end of the day though shes still just your boyfriends mom and doesnt need to be totally filled in on everything yet until you know for sure anyway. You dont want to falsely alarm anyone with a pregnancy scare.
good luck.
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Rating: 2
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Thank you! I know this, I am just trying to find out how to deal with her =].
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