Member Since: April 19, 2012
Answers: 40
Last Update: November 17, 2013
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adviceman49
Razhie
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I'm in my late 20's, and my parents are now recently separated and in the process of going through with a divorce. My mom has no boundaries with regard to keeping me out of the mess. She calls me and keeps trying to convince me to tell my dad to move back. I know very well that there's no way he will. I tell her that she cannot drag me into their mess, as it is between them two. She just calls and calls, telling me it's not right, that I need to talk to him, it'll affect her and our future, etc. I told her to respect my boundaries, but it seems to go through one ear and out the other. What can I do to make it clear to her that I want ZERO to do with their issues, and stop her from trying to drag me into it? What can I do to make sure that she will actually respect my boundaries? (link)
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unfortunately you can't force someone to respect your boundaries, you can only control your actions. If your mom calls you and begins discussing issues that make you uncomfortable, calmly tell her that you don't want to discuss it. If she pushes the matter you should tell her you are sorry she's upset, but she's not respecting you or your needs and then get off the phone- even if it means hanging up on her.
Does she have a sister you could call or a friend? Maybe letting someone else know that she needs a shoulder to cry on would give her an alternative outlet. You could also try writing her a supportive, but firm email that indicates that you love her, but refuse to discuss these matters any longer.
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Rating: 5
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Thanks for the advice. I've considered suggesting she see a therapist to help her get through it, I think that would help her. I talked to her about how I have too much going on, and cannot be dragged into it. I did offer emotional support, but when she crosses my boundaries, I agree that I will have to make that clear to her somehow.
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