I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26945
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I love my boyfriend a lot. I feel it in my heart, and I know it's true. But strangely I'm not in a constant state of love. I'm generally a cold person, and sometimes I feel nothing at all. I feel hollow like an empty shell. And when I feel like that I don't feel any love or anything at all for that matter. Do I love him? And should I reply with "I love you too" when he says he loves me and I don't feel love at that moment? I always know deep in my heart that my love for him is immense. I love him to death. I am so confused. Has anyone had such an experience? Is it normal? I don't know what to think and it irks me that I can't always love him. I want to. (link)
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Love is not enough for a relationship, we put so much importance on love, which is strange when you consider how freely we give it out. We love so many, but we "like" so few people, you would think people would understand that like is so much more important. Now that is the question, do you like this boy, do you want to be with him, do you like being with him just for no reason at all? What do you think will keep you together for 50, 60, 70 years, the fact that you love each other, or that you like being with each other? Your having times where you feel nothing does not concern me, your 17, hormones do strange things during this time in your life. Don't concern yourself with the question "Do I love him". Ask yourself, "Do I like him enough to spend my life with him"? I have given over 35 years to my wife and I can't imagine not giving her the rest of my years, can you say the same? When you can say yes to that question with all sincerity, you will go so far beyond love, when you think back on the way you feel now and chuckle to yourself. There is a level beyond love, beyond like, but it takes both of them to get you there.
Response:
I never once said this did not describe you in your relationship, you do not give enough information for me to know. I only responded and imparted to you what I have learned in my 53 years of life. The fact was, it was the information you needed to hear, for that is the true question asked for in your letter, "How do you know when you are truly in love?" I never once said you weren't, I can not say either way, I only gave you the means to answer your question. Good luck in your life dear spirit. I will remember to look in on you 35 years from now to see you still remain with your true love.
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Rating: 5
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What you're saying is true, but that's not my situation. My situation is everything you just described that is important, and we have all that. Thank for your wise words they are true and make me realize what we have is indeed true love :)
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