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I had a Friend who was one of my best friends. In fact he was more like the little brother I never had.

About a month or so ago, he got back with his ex, who had cheated on him in the past. He said at the time, he felt like he was making a huge mistake, but he loved and missed her and she felt the same. I said as long as he was happy, I was happy.

Anyway, she recently kicked off at him about us being friends and he explained to her we are only mates and we have a brother/sister relationship. Bearing in mind He's 19, I'm 24 and I am actually engaged to my partner of 6 years and I love him.

There has never been anything more than that between us and never will be, we were just very close. Anyway she was fine with it after he'd explained.

She then kicked off about a week ago again, and sent me a message on facebook pretending to be him, saying don't ever speak to me again.

When I questioned him about it, he said he was sorry, but he couldn't speak to me ever again as he needed to save his relationship. I was absolutely devastated.

I then got a message off his girlfriend, saying she didn't appreciate our relationship as we "flirt" too much. Her interpretation of flirting is a few messages from me saying "hiya sweetheart are you having a good day?" or "have a good day babe"

We've always spoke to eac hother like that by the way.

She went on to explain that she dosen't like the manner in which we speak in and feels it's not acceptable for us to speak that way. I said to her she is obviously insecure because I have a partner of 6 years and I love him. There is absolutely no reason for her to think otherwise.

Anyway my friend said they had argued about it and now as a result he's cut all contact with me. She's told me never to speak to him again and she says that he says the same. She said she feels better now nobody is going to call "HER boyfriend" sweetheart.

I think it's absolutely ridicilous and I haven't stopped crying for days. Not only have I lost one of my best friends, I've also lost someone who was like my brother.

I'm so angry, hurt and upset because I know she's made him choose between us, and while I wouldn't have wanted him to choose her over me, I wish he would have valued me as a friend and told her straight that she is being ridicilous. It shouldn't have even come to this, there's never been anything more between us. I'm absolutely heartbroke, but I've respected what he's said and not contacted him, but I did message him saying that I'll always be here.

His girlfriend is obviously very jealous and insecure.

I just don't know how to deal with this. I know I can't do anything but she is controlling him and it breaks my heart.

When I apologised to her during our conversation for her being upset, she said fair enough, I know there's nothing going on between you. So why was there still an issue here?
He's blocked me on everything by the way.

Hey there,
I am so sorry I didn't reply sooner, I haven't been on here for a while... but I hope I can help now.


Your friend's ex is definitely jealous, insecure and as I see it: very much controlling. I have to say though, that your friend was not completely sorry about cutting you off as a friend. He made that concious decision when he told you and you need to know, that is not because he doesn't want to be friends - that is because it was his plain, simple choice to choose his cheating ex over a person that would never treat him the way she does - you. Why would he do that? I don't know for sure. Perhaps, he had fallen into the trap that many of us have; of being in love with someone only because they told you they loved you, or that they cared, or maybe because they made you feel like you were complete in some way. Then, to take that all away from you like rain from the clouds.. when truly, all he really liked about her was, the 'feeling' of happiness that she gave him in the past.


Telling him he can't speak to you or have any contact with you is like telling a dog he can't have water after he walked all day.. it is going to happen eventually. He will talk to you. I see how your friendship has made you two prone to calling eachother sweet names, which is actually cute.. but with that said: with him 'seeing' his ex again, that did make things a bit rough. If you know she's jealous, you shouldn't call him sweetheart. But, with that said: she should also be able to trust that you two are just friends as well and get on with life.


I am so sorry she took one of your best friends away from you.. you are right in that he should of valued the friendship you two had and said to his ex 'hey, we are just friends. If you cannot accept that then we can't be together', straight up and to the point. Unfortunately, not everyone is as understanding as we wish them to be.. You shouldn't have been left in the dark and he shouldn't have put you there because of what someone else (his ex) said. It was the right thing though, to not message him and dig yourself deeper than she has already put you. Also, by saying you'll be there for him shows you have a lot of respect.


I am sorry to say, she will be controlling your friend for awhile... If she can make him cut contact with you, then who knows what she can make him do. The point of saying "oh i know there's nothing going on between the two of you" was to show that she has all the control. She basically proved that she is a master manipulator and that he needs to find his own way out. All I can say is that eventually he will come around. No really, he will. One day your friend is going to realize he broke off an amazing friendship for a girl that took all of his originality and dignity away. He will wake up one day and she will probly treat him the same way she did in the past, then he'll come running back to you hoping everyting will be okay. When that time comes, you tell him everything will be okay. Tell him he made a mistake, you forgive him, but you want him to know that you would of never done that to him. Until then, let him figure out his own mistakes. And you cannot dwell on this situation, because eventually he will regret what he has chosen to do.


You need to be strong, so he can be too. You need to be someone he can come to when he feels down. Be the person you want him to be, so he can understand what he chose.

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(Rating: 5) Hey there, thank you so much for your reply. It's made me feel better to read that :) it's actually been two months now since all this happened so it's still early days I guess. I still live in hope that I'll get to see him or talk to him one day again. Just hope he knows if they ever do split up, I'll be there for him. What upsets me the most is he promised me he'd never do this, and he has... But love is blind I guess! Thank you again for all your advice, it's really made me think :)
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