Member Since:
November 23, 2007Answers:
519Last Update:
July 8, 2014Visitors:
35472Favorite Columnists
xosodapopx3
JustJessOx
Jackieee
about
advice
ive been with my boyfriend for 14 months now. and im completely confused. i have so many mixed feelings. we were so happy in the beginning we were perfect, hes my first everything, and im so comfortable with him its crazy. i love him so much. everything he does is cute and he does everything for me. pays for me puts me before anyone will walk in the freezing rain 3 miles to come and see me. hes the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. but heres the issue. we started breaking up and making up ever since the middle of summer. when we fight its usually over jealousy or him getting mad at me because i ditched him or whatever. but when we fight they are huge. he gets so angry and yells and freaks out he alwaysflips out. im just getting tired of all of it. and i see my friends having fun being single and i just wanna be happy again. im not happy. me and my boyfriend always are fighting and now im starting to reject him and hes freaking out even more sayin gi dont love him or care about him or anything.... and he thinks i want someone else which i dont! i cant take our constant fighting and breaking up and making up anymore cause i feel like he just pushed me away cause he freaks out over a lot of little things. but im confused..... if i leave him will i be happy or regret it? am i supposed to break up with him? cause i love him so much and he does everything for me... i dont wanna take the mistake of dumping him cause what if we were supposed to be together in the end........ im just so confused and i need some help :(
Hi,
It sounds like you've come to a point where you need to talk to eachother. The way I see it both of you are wanting to be heard, but since nobody can listen over the screaming and yelling, nothing is actually getting worked out.
First things first: breaking up and getting back together several times is never healthy for a relationship. Obviously, since you broke up, something was not working and then when you got back together, whatever wasn't fixed in the first place still never got fixed; this causes a repetitive cycle until you just break up for good. If you two have jealousy issues, you have to explain to eachother that 'so and so' is just a good guy friend and you wouldn't do anything with him or visa vera. That way you can understand how this guy/girl fits into yours/your bf's life. Otherwise we all tend to assume and you know where that gets us. Also, if your guy thinks you are ditching him, you could explain where you are going and say you'll be back in ___ minutes, so that when you do come back, he doesn't have a reason to yell at you.
When he freaks out and says you don't love him, your natural instinct may be to tell him 'oh yea, I don't love you..' but please, don't say that. Simply tell him that you will always love him and you always care about him. If he continues saying you don't care, just remind him you love him, try to hug him, then simply walk away calmly. It's hard to explain how you feel to someone if they are all wound up in the moment sometimes. So once he takes a few breathes, tell him again. It is not your fault that he says you don't love him either. He is doing this out of anger only and the only thing you can do in that moment is help him realize you still do love him by being strong. If he thinks you want someone else, you've got to tell him he's the only one! Otherwise he'll keep thinking what he wants without any answers.. kind of like you right now. You need these answers.
None of us on here can tell you whether you will be happy or regret leaving him; only you know how you will feel if that were to happen. What I can tell you is that you may regret it at first and then end up feeling happier once you are out of this situation. It's all up to you. If you were supposed to break up with him, you would of had an ultimate reason why you couldn't stay with him. Such as, he yells to much or he makes you feel bad.. Or you turn around and just keep trying to see if it will work out together. Give it another week or so and then make a decision. Who says when you break up with someone it will be forever?
(Rating: 5) thank u! i loved your answer and it made me thnk a lot. i guess i should stop ditching him to cheat with other guys but it makes me feel special to sex more than one guys but my boyfriend gets mad when he finds out and breaks up with me. why does he get so MAD though? most of the time he doesnt even know about half the guys i am with since i try to keep it so he dont find out but at the same time some time i tell him about one justto make him prove he loves me. i am confused.