About julie75
Hi. I've lived quite a life since childhood. My parents divorced when I was 14. I was married at 19 and only lasted about a year and a half. Then I really explored my sexual side because I thought I was a failure with my parents and my own love life. For a while during that time, I thought I was going to become a lesbian because I was feed up with men. I traveled around the country and stayed at different relatives homes for a while. I even tried college for a short time but always felt lost. I finally settled down at 30 with a decent, loving man, that treats me well. I hope that I can help you if you decide to come to me for advice.
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Gender: Female
Member Since: September 16, 2010
Answers: 453
Last Update: February 12, 2012
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20/f
I have been with my husband since I was 15 years old. I married him when I was 16. I know that I was too young to make a choice like that, but we were so In love. Everything was great until we got married after that he changed. It was like he had decided that he already had me so there was no reaso to try anymore. this june 22 was our 4 year wedding anniversary, we have two children our son is 3 and our daughter is 1. We both love our children very much, but I feel like our love for each other is slipping away. I have not been happy for a long time. He makes me feel so ugly and unwanted. But I am afraid to leave him. I have been with him since I was 15. I went from living with my mom to living with him. I have never lived on my own before. I am afraid that I cant do it on my own. I dont have a license to drive, I never had a job before, and I dont have a place to go. So I feel traped. I love him but like you would love a family member I dont think I love him romanticly anymore. He always puts me down like for instance we have not had sex in a very long time I dont even know when we had sex last, and I always come on to him and try to turn him on but he never wants it. So the other day I asked him why he doesnt want to have sex anymore and he said that sometimes he does get in the mood but then the thought of having sex with me turns him off and he doesnt know why. That hurt me so much. How pathetic and ugly am I if my own husband doesnt want me. I feel so alone all the time. I want to stay because I am afraid I cant make it on my own and I am afraid to be alone. But I want to leave because I feel unloved and he makes me feel ugly and He is very mean and aggressive with me. What should I do? Can anyone help me?
You didn't mention how old he is. If he was your age, he could be feeling like he missed out on a lot of his youth. I know you did too but men are a lot different when it comes to relationships and age. Having 2 children is a heavy burden to bear for someone younger. The first few things you need to do, no matter what happens in your marriage, is to get a license, get a job and start saving a little bit of cash. If you don't have many family members to help, there are plenty of welfare babysitters that you can get to watch the kids while you work. That way, you will have options if things don't work out. Now, if you want to work on the marriage, I would suggest getting a babysitter every other Saturday for an overnight watch. Even if you can't afford to go anywhere, spend the evening watching a movie, having some popcorn, sitting on the couch and just talking. Offer him a nice relaxing massage with a happy ending afterwards...lol. Let him have one night out with his friends but he needs to show you the same courtesy and let you go out with a girlfriend. Even if you go out for coffee or a late night snack, it sounds like you both need a little break from the kids and each other. If some of these things don't work, try going to a professional psychiatrist because he may have some underlying problems that he just can't talk to you about. I really hope things work out for you and good luck.
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(Rating: 5)
Thank you for your advice... I am going to try to do what you said and see how things go. He is 27 by the way he is 7 years older than me. That is the biggest thing that influenced me to get married instead of waiting he was ready for marriage and kids and I didnt want to wait and risk losing him. I really hope that something changes... Thanks alot :)
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