i just want to keep myself annonymous to any one who might know my regular user name (which is my nickname) but a little about me is i love to play my guitar alot, skateboarding, snowboarding and trying to help people even though i suck at putting the words in the right order to make it say what i'm thinking -_-
Member Since: September 11, 2006
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So back in February i smoked weed for the first time since it was my 15'th birthday. Well i got really really high and started freaking out and saying, "This is a dream, this is a cartoon" and it scared me soooooooo bad. Well then i woke up the next day feeling fine. Alittle more then a month later i smoked alittle again and felt kind of like i wasnt in my body but it wasnt bad. Well then about a month later i started smoking like, once a week on the weekends at partys. and i started to know my limit for smoking. Well from time to time when i would smoke (which was once maybe twice a week) i would feel like i was in a dream and id have moments like that too. but nothing to bad. I was outside in the sun A LOT and i was playing soccer A LOT. and eating alot of fruit. So after the school year started, i still smoked the same, some weeks id not smoke just because i didnt want to. Well since about, October, iv been having having days where i feel like im not here, aka depersonalization. and it scares me. well i kept smoking until a couple days after thanksgiving and then i stoped for a month, but the depersonalization stayed the same. well then my friends pressured me into smoking again (and i was being weak about it) and i smoked it and i was soo scared. well since then, iv been having really really bad episodes of depersonalization. Iv had anxiety problems since 7th grade when i was bullied kinda bad. and i was sexually abused for around 7 years in my childhood and never told anyone. my mom and dad got divorced and that was really really bad. I had 1 friend die, one close family friend, and the guy who lived across the street die who was pretty much my dad. All within 9 months. the same 9 months that iv been smoking. If i tell my mom she doesnt believe me. Im sick of feeling like this, i want to feel like a real person again. i started writing down how i felt and getting my feelings out on paper and thats helped alittle bit, admitting the things that have happened to me and everything like that.
What are some ways i can bring myself back?
How long will this last?
What can (link)
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your not alone, just last night i had a mental breakdown over nearly the same thing you have described. i stoned as well the first smoke id had in about 4 week's. before it all blew up on me i was feeling depressed and lonely. but this's not about me.
im sorry i dont have an answer for you because im still trying to find one myself. i just wanted to let you know your not the only one out there with this problem.
but i do believe weed is connected to Depersonalization.
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Your free to contact me if you need to talk at any time.
Nerd_cake@yahoo.com
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