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So right now I'm feeling very anxious to see this guy that I like. However, when I do see him sometimes I find myself slightly less attracted to him. Or even embarrassed? But only when other people are around. I should explain.

My last boyfriend had flaws that I suppressed in my mind. He is not the most intelligent person ever (This is in no way to be a snob, but he is more of a party-going guy who doesn't like the idea of school. I live to learn and do really well in school so obviously there is a problem). My parents also hated him because they feared he wasn't "right" for me. And also he isn't what I consider extremely attractive. But I really liked him, and even loved him at one point. However, with all of these "flaws" I would sometimes look at him and suddenly be nearly repulsed (that word is too strong, but the point is that from one day to another my feelings for him would change 180 degrees). It's almost like he was a different person but obviously he hadn't changed, it was me who had the problem. Eventually my "hot and cold" behavior was our downfall. It caused so many problems. I broke up with him several times and wanted him back soon after. And he told me several times that I acted very weirdly and changed: that alone I would be one person and in public another. I had problems with "acting like his girlfriend." He told me that I treated him more like a friend. Eventually he stopped loving me and broke up with me for good.

Now I like another boy. And by his behavior I get the idea that he likes me as well. I don't find myself repulsed by him but rather uneasy. I told my friend that I liked him and now whenever I talk to him during class I feel like she is staring at me. I can rationalize that no one really cares and that even if did something stupid and people noticed it wouldn't matter. I'm usually not that self-conscious of myself in general in public. This tends to happen only with crushes or relationships.

I don't know why this happens and am honestly afraid that my last relationship will repeat itself with just a different face. My attraction for this new guy is completely different (he's smart, polite, my parents would like him, etc.) but I'm still afraid that this will happen. I thought that I'd gotten over this issue (it's been 7 months since I ended the last relationship) but I realize that I've just pushed this all under the rug and now it's coming out again. Am I psychologically disturbed? I don't know, but this is very aggravating. :(


You didn't push your feelings under the rug, but you haven't been confronted with them until now, either. The trick to wrestling with emotional difficulties is to master them, and as long as you endeavor to grow and learn everything will be allright.
Also, you seem to place a lot of blame on yourself about your hot and cold behavior, but it might have just been your natural reaction to partnering with a person who wasn't right for you. It sounds to me like you were doing a lot of questioning, combined with all kinds of odds and ends along the lines of"is this the right thing to do?" or "what if I find out he was really the right one when he is with someone else," or even the thought of him being intimate with anyone else.
Go with these feelings for the new guy.

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(Rating: 5) Thank you so much, you make a lot of sense. I do think this new guy is better for me. :) I feel much better now.
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