cloudy_conscience's advice column

askcloudy_conscience

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: So I've been married for a year and a half now. My marriage has been soo very difficult but has gotten a lot better. I have ALWAYS had insecurities with my husband and his female friends. I know this sounds wrong but I just didnt like it when he gave them too much attention, like I didnt wanna share him. The first year of our marriage he pampered my insecurities. He just flat out stopped talking to them, I never told him to but he just decided to do it himself. So for the whole year I was obviously happy with this desicion but as assumed he wasnt cause he says I treated him like he still did. He doesnt do this anymore, he talks to them now and i told him i didnt have a problem with it. But deep down it still bothers me. I never bring it up because I dont wanna start a fight and be so immature but I cant help but to be bothered about it every day. Please dont judge me, I know this sounds ridiculous and immature especially for a married woman.

What can I do to get over this? I'm starting to think I need professional help (but I dont have that option right now, please dont suggest it) because I think I'm just dealing with it and ignoring it rather than just accepting it. Accepting it is something I have tried, Ive even tried asking him if I could get their number to talk to them (since we never see them around) and get to know them, just be friendly. But at one time he said I couldnt have anyones number, but now he says I can. When he said I couldnt the first time it really made me sad, here I am trying my hardest but it felt like he didnt care anymore. I just need to know how to get over this so we BOTH can be happy. I HaTE being so insecure about this. I wish I wasnt like this. Please help.

I just recently got married about 5 months ago & my husband sometimes has issues with me having male friends. I totally understand where he is coming from, especially since my ex is one of my best friends. He does his best not to let it bother him, but he lets me know that it bothers him & we have set up some rules that we both agree on. For instance, I can text and talk on the phone with my male friends but am not to go out with them alone, I think that is fair. Maybe you & your husband can sit down & talk it through & set up some rules that you both agree on.
Also remind yourself, that you husband CHOSE you, he MARRIED you, not those other women. Marriage is about trust & love, you need to trust & know that your husband loves you & wants to be with you. This can be very difficult, I know that, when you have doubts talk to him. Communication is key to a happy, healthy marriage :)
If you have any questions for me you can email me at bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com or send me a question to my inbox.

Hope I Helped :)

Rating: 5

thanks so much :) i'll def e-mail you

bio

I am a 19 year old female. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet. I am funny. I am free-willed. I am a lover. I am a friend. I have been through alot & many people call me their guru. & I will try to give you the healthiest advice possible. I may be young but I have a lot of life experiences in many areas, and since my career will be giving advice I figured I'd give a head start. I can be blunt and will give you my honest opinion, although I will do it in a nice way.
I am married to an amazing guy, we have been together since my Junior year & we can't be happier. I have 2 dogs & they are my babies, life wouldnt be the same without them. I am going into my 2nd year of college, I plan to get a degree in Radiology.

I am currently really busy in my life but I will answer any and all questions that are sent to my inbox. I do my best to get on & answer as many questions as possible whenever I am on. If you wish for me to answer one of your questions please submit them. Thanks.