kristamikele's

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I really didnt know what to put this under so im sorry if its in the wrong catagory.

k well iv wanted to ask this qurestion for a while now but have been too hesitant. im 19 female if you need to know.

iv really been questioning religon lately. both my parents have their own religon, which i wont mention what it is because thats not the point. they feel very strong about it and believe in it. They think i should believe in it to because they think its the only way i will go to heaven or have a happy life etc.

when i was 4 i was continuously molestered to some random bastard,iv always been blamed for everything that happens within the family like arguements etc,i had a tumor which was cancerous,my bf proposed to me but found out that he only did it so he could get the green card etc (very long story).
my parents say that things happen to me because im not a good person i do bad things then bad things will happen to me so they assume im a bad pperson.this has really made me question things like what do i really believe in?i dont think i believe in my parent's religon.how do i know if this is the right religon to follow?i mean theres soo many religons out there which one is right?im so confused because i guess i want to believe in soemthing and im scared that if i dont believe in my parents religon then ill go to hell or bad things will happen to me in this life.its made me really depressed and emotional.i cant talk to my parents about it because they will be so angry (they think their religon is the way to go)but what if its not?i mean i was 4 years old for crying out loud how would i know what God is or what hell is etc and i still got molestered over and over again.am i really being punished?i just dont know what to think,im afaraid and i dont want to die not believing in anything :( but i dont want religon to be forced down my throat either.
I dont exactly know what im asking but what ever your thinking i guess id like to hear it.
Thank you, please please dont judge me.i cant help the way i think

Religion is for people who are scared to go to hell; spirituality is for people who have already been there.--Bonnie Raitt
You follow what is in your heart. I was molested as a child, too. In fact, it was almost like I had a sign on my forehead that said 'easy target." I know the whole thing is pretty devastating, but it is something that you can overcome when you accept a few things in your heart.
1. You being molested was not a punishment from God (for lack of a better term, I will just call the higher power "God"). People have their own free will, and that jerk who molested you used his own free will.
2. The genetals are made to feel good. Sometimes, people who were molested feel like they brought it upon themselves because it felt good. They feel like they asked for it. This is not true!!! Genetals are mode to feel good, and the next time you're out look at a 6 year old-pretty innocent, huh. Well that was you. You did nothing wrong, you are not dirty, or bad.
3. Who knows why bad things happen? The only thing you can do is resolve to make the best out of it. I bet you can tell sad little kids from a mile away, can't you. I'll bet you just instinctively know sexual predators, just like you can pick out kids who are being victimized. What happened to you is terrible, and the only thing you can do is accept it and know you will be able to help someone one day from having to deal with all of the pain alone.
4. As you get older, it will become easier. I promise.

OK, so now that you know that--Maybe it's time for you to start exploring what is in your heart. It's fine to take your parent's feelings into consideration, but they can't speak for you. Maybe it's not one religion, but a combination that feels right. Good luck.

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