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Q: 21/f. He's 24/m. We've have been involved for four years. REALLY long story short, it's been a rough road for us. He used to be emotionally abusive, but he made a conscious decision to change. I agreed to let the past go, and forgive him. It was great for a long time, and despite his family hating me, we were happy.
Recently, I got a job in my field. Instead of being happy for me when I told him about the pay, he said, "That's it? You should turn it down."
Now when I try to tell him funny stories about work, he says "sweet" with no inflection, and changes the subject. He makes a point of letting me know I'm "not funny" when I try to joke around, or he thinks I'm serious when I'm not. He suddenly doesn't understand me anymore.
It's become increasingly obvious to me that he doesn't care. About anything, including himself. He's studying for the MCAT, and it's all he CLAIMS he ever does. I have absolutely no objection to him studying, and I'd be happy he was doing it if it was really what he wanted. Instead, he's doing it to appease his parents, and I hate him for it. He doesn't have the balls to stand up to them and say he doesn't want to do it. Of course, he doesn't know what he wants to do anyway.
I've lost respect for him, I'm becoming less attracted to him. He's starting to say little nasty things to me, and I just don't want to put up with it.
I think he just doesn't belong in my life anymore...but how do I tell him? In person, I know, but I have to get him to stop "studying" long enough for me to say something. How do I do THAT when I never see him?
Should I give him a chance to redeem himself?

im sorry you are having to go through this.

While his behavior is COMPLETELY unacceptable, it could stem from internal stress he has built up. If you think about it, he is studying for one of the HARDEST and most important tests in his life. I know hes acting horribly, but if hes doing it to please his parents or NOT, a good girlfriend would support him in all he does no matter what.

Its strange because when MY BF and I were together, the 4 year mark was horrible for us. we were very nasty towards eachother, he was stressed all the time, and so was I. We even lived together so it was tough. One day we were in the living room and we got into a stupid little fight he said "im done." and I said, "well me too."

I spent about 2 weeks hanging out with other guys, trying to see if I had wasted too much of my life on 1 person without playing the field.

I went out with 4 or 5 guys, and never really found that great of a guy. Spending that time away from my BF made me realize that there arent that many guys like him, and how much I really loved him. We were letting stress come between us and it almost ended us forever.

once i realized this, I sat down with him, and had a very serious talk. I told him what I realized and I apologized for alot. He felt the same and he apologized for letting other things distract him from the relationship.

We got back together and have been together ever since. we talked about our needs and what our expectations were for eachother.

now we are the happiest we've ever been, we have been together for over 5 yrs now, and are getting married in December.

If you really want to make things work talk to him. You will be suprised what he might say, and you might not realize whats causing his behavior until he tells you.

You have invested 4 yrs of your life with him, if there is any way to make it work out, you should try. Good luck, and let me know if you need anything. email me anytime.

stephanie.ellick@gmail.com

steph 21 =]

Rating: 4

I realize the MCAT takes a lot of work, but regardless of how insanely busy I am, I make time to call him and say hi. He won't even do that. There's no excuse for ignoring the people you supposedly care about. And, I do support him, hence the reason I'm not trying to get in the way of his study time.

bio

Hi! I'm Stephanie, I'm a 21 yr living in Houston, Texas. I've been living on my own since I was 17 and wouldnt have it any other way. Ive been through many bad things in my life. Instead of letting things hurt me and make me bitter and depressed, I have let them make me stronger. I can give great advice on almost any subject. Im getting married in December to a wonderful man named Chris, and will soon my a military wife! inbox me or email me anytime, id love to hear from you!

stephanie.ellick@gmail.com