14/f almost 15
I've been cutting since I was in 8th grade. I'm going to be a sophomore. I hid it from my parents forever. A couple months ago I like had some weird panic attack or breakdown or something. I was crying like almost screaming. My brother came knocking on the door asking if I was ok. Then my dad started banging on it and almost broke the door down and I was screaming, "OK I'll open it!" I did and my dad grabbed me and looked at me. I was all cut up. I mean my thighs and my arms were horrible. Then he took me out to my mom and they both were screaming at me. I wasn't still bleeding so they didn't want me to the hospital.
Before that I was crying to my friend on the phone. She ended up coming over begging my dad to let her see me.
My dad took everything away from me. My phone, my computer, my mp3. He even took away my church and wanted to keep me away from my friend that came to help me. He hates her. And doesn't want me to have anything to do with her.
I don't understand. I don't know what to do at this point. They expected me to stop after all that. Like taking my stuff away is gonna help. Not seeing anybody for the whole summer?!
What am I supposed to do? I cut myself before because of everything. To be honest I didn't hate my life. I just mostly hated myself. I thought I was ugly, fat, stupid, ect. I know I'm not but I made myself believe it. Because that's what my parents told me. It made me feel horrible. Then my mom had drinking problems going on. My brother was stealing things and I was failing a couple subjects in school and...it just came along to me.
My dad thought I was suicidal. When he was yelling at me he mentioned that he would help me kill myself because he doesn't care if I was dead because if I'm gonna do this to our family it was my choice. Then in another lecture he said the same thing.
Now all I do is cry every night. That's not what I want. Really. All I have is my friends. I actually have time to get on the computer when my parents are at work. So I always wondered what happened to unconditional love. That night when he was talking to me he told me I could tell him any problems that are going on. How am I supposed to tell him anything when he just tells me its ok to die. He mostly said "yeah I would be upset later on but I would realize that's what she wanted anyways" This makes me feel so bad.
Anyways, they just... I just don't know what to do at this point. My friend told me she went through the same thing but her parents got her help. I was told I had depression. It makes sense but I just haven't really talk to anyone about this except my friends.
I know my dad cares...sorta. I thought he did but after hearing that he would be ok if I was dead then it makes me not care about him anymore.
I just keep getting made fun of in my family. My mom calls me bad. My dad calls me stupid, crazy, and once, he called me a zombie. This doesn't make me feel great.
Anybody know what I can do?
wow your dad is an asshole just like mine because thats exactly what happened to me. you do need help because cutting is a vicious cycle that if you keep doing it you may never get out of. i know know this is what a lot of people would say but try talking to your friends mom. since she went throught that with her daughter she might have a better idea on how to handle your situation. she could talk to you parent and persuade them to get you help. i had to get help in secret because my dad thought i just wanted attention and the only thing i really wanted was to stop. call hot lines or anything, talk to me this is my aim: murderbycheering.
i hope i helped, i really would like to help you
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(Rating: 5)
thanks thats a really good idea about talking to her mom. do hotlines really help?
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