ohitscassidy's advice column

askohitscassidy

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: So back in June, i hooked up with this boy my age that i just met that night. He goes to a different school, but we know the same people and had heard of each other before. We were all drinking at this one kid's house, and we were kinda meant to hook up cause everyone else there had someone to hook up with so it just happened. But we talked a lot and hooked up a lot and even a little more, like he gave me a hickey. And i'm PRETTY sure he asked for my number, but I don't completely remember. We were talking about hanging out and stuff, and he acted like he really liked me that night. The only issue is, he never talked to me again. It really hurt me for some reason, because I have this problem that whenever i hook up with someone I become attached to them for a little. But when I tell my friends that I'm upset he never texted me or said anything to me and we never hung out, they just say 'who cares, it's just a random hookup'. Like no one thinks its a big deal to hook up with someone and never talk to them again, but personally I hate that. It's the worst feeling ever. He sseemed like such a nice and mature guy and everyone said he was, but I just don't get what I did wrong. I was thinking into it a lot, and I was thinking maybe I gave him the wrong idea because he was trying to do more with me and i told him I didn't want too and he was like 'sorry, sorry'. and then we just went to sleep. And then i got up to go to the bathroom and instead of laying back down with him i layed on a different couch. And my one friend was saying this might have made him feel like I did'nt like him or something, but really I wasn't even thinking about it like it wasn't a big deal at all. And now to make matters worse, he is back with his ex-girlfriend. They were done for about 2 months before I hooked up with him, and the reason I knew it was okay was that my friend hooked up with him the weekend before me. I feel completely used and I just think that he is one of those boys who just wants to get some whenever he can, considering he hooked up with my friend the weekend before when they were drunk, so now i just feel like shit. And i've decided never to hook up with a random person again unless I know they will talk to me after. And he told his ex-girlfriend that he hooked up with me because she wanted to know everyone he had hooked up with since they broke up. Now i just feel like one of those girls who hook up with people's ex's as a rebound, and i NEVER wanted to be that girl. I"m the type of girl who's all about playing hard to get and not being needy to boys and being independant. I mean i don't really feel that way, but I try my hardest to act that way in front of guys. So something like this has never happened to me and idk what to do. I can't stop thinking about it even though i should of forgotten about him a WHILE ago, because he obviously never thought about me again. the thing that pisses me off SO much is that i'm the type of girl who is not easy at all, and guys know that. I've worked so hard on making that my image and living up too it, because for some reason my worst fear is being 'easy' or a 'slut'. so, i play hard to get , sometimes i even come off as a bitchy to guys, because i am so afraid of being used or getting attached. And i don't get it, it's like this guy for example, his girlfriend is SUCH whore, she is the biggest slut i've ever met literally and i'm NOT just saying that, i mean she probably has diseases. and i am not at ALL, guys know that if they want ANYTHING physically from me they have to actually like me, except this night was an exception.i KNEW it was a bad idea to let my guard down for once. but of course, all i would do is make out with him because i would never do anything more with a random guy..

the problem is, you even said it.. the word hook up it usually always means doing stuff with no attachment and its usually only for one night,all though people can hook up all the time.. but not date, usually it means one night though. I know this isn't what you want to hear but the sad truth is he probably was using you, guys are scumbags.. and well they do this kind of thing.. you said he got back with his Ex? he probably still had feelings for her even when he did stuff with you thats probably the big reason why he didn't call you or anything after he was probably wanting to get back with his ex, and doesn't want it to look like he did anything with any other girl so his girlfriend would take him back. You said you guys were kinda "meant" to hook up since everyone who was there was doing it.. he probably felt obligated and horny at the same time.. some guys are like that, they don't care about girls feelings only there own they don't understand that this kind of thing bothers us. I would say to just forget about him, i know thats easier said then done, i to am trying to forget about someone and it is verrrrrry hard but.. he obviously doesn't care about you or your feelings witch means he isn't worth it in the long run.

i know this isn't what you probably wanted to hear, but its more than likely the truth sorry, and things WILL get better like the old saying .. 'theres plenty of fish in the sea'

good luck!

Rating: 5

Thank you, and I know that my main problem is getting attached too easily/quickly, I just don't know how to fix it. Another reason this situation is hard for me is that his girlfriend is the biggest slut in our school, and I am almost the complete opposite of that. Like I mean guys like me, but I'm not easy I'm like the total opposite of easy and she is known as the easiest girl ever.