about

I joined this site when I was very young (hence the ridiculous username) but now I feel I'mn old enough to give out advice.

Ask me anytime. I have had my fair shares of family issues, as well as good at solving relationship problems.

advice

ok so i've had this boyfriend, M for 6 months today. and i just found out hes been going behind my back, and telling my friend A, stuff ive been saying about her.

it all started when i was mad at one of my friends and chewed him out, and he got upset and so A bitched me out about it, and that made me mad. so a few days later, i was on aim with M and one of my other friends, N. M, N and i were in a 3way chat. and A had logged on, and i was still mad at her. so i started bitching about her to M and N. and suddenly, A started bitching me out about stuff. and by the way she was yelling at me, it had sounded like she had heard what i was saying about her. so i asked N and M if they had told her anything, and they both said no. they both swore on their lives they hadn't said anything to her. although i didnt want to think it at the time, i had a feeling M had said something.

so tonight, A and i worked out our differences and we're friends again, but then she told me that she got mad at me that night because M had said "watch out, L(me) is mad. here's what she said, dont tell her" and she got mad, and thats why she said what she said.

so NOW, i know that M had lied to my face about not saying anything, AND that he had betrayed my trust and told her what i said about her!!

how am i supposed to handle this? because right now i just want to f**king kill him!! i know thats not the way to go, i really want to work it out and see what he has to say, but how can i bring it up and how can i keep myself from acting like a total bitch and ruining our relationship forever?

M is your boyfriend so you expected him to take your side,and because you trusted him.

However, just because you are a couple, doesnt mean he has to agree and listen to what you say, and not a let a friend know, what you said.

M was looking out for "A"
What's wrong with that?
Okay..It may have stirred things up, but he was only trying to the right thing, and let her know, that you were angry.

Just think if "A" was bitchin about you? You'd want "M" to tell you right?
YES....

So he was just looking out for "A" like he would of done, if it was you.

I am sure he only lied to your face because he didnt want to anger you.
I don't know.

But there is no need to get so "pissed about it.
He was trying to be the peacemaker, but it didnt pan out like that


Bring it up in normal conversation. let him know, you and "A" are friends again, but you didnt understand why he told her what you said. Let him know you trust him, but what you said was confidential, and you need him to know, that when you tell him things its supposed to stay between you two. Let him know that when you were angry with "A", you said things you didnt mean - when you are angry, thats what happens. And , you werent happy when he told "A",because those things you said were out of anger, not because they were true, and he needs to know, that when you tell him things, they need to stay between you guys, otherwise there is no trust and you feel like you can't turn to him when you need to vent.

Praise him that you know he tried to make it right between you two, but telling "A" those things complicated it more.

In future, try not to bitch about people you fall out with. Confront to them how you feel.
What you say, always gets around and twisted too.

And also I am sure it wont ruine your relationship if you argue - arguing makes you stronger as a couple. You cant tread on eggshells around eachother. That isn't healthy for either of you

[view]

(Rating: 5) thank you. you're the first one to answer this question that actually made sense and is able to see it through everyones perspective, not just the other persons.
<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker