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I have three children; Two boys and a girl. My oldest is 5 1/2 while my youngest just turned 1. I have a great marriage. We have been married almost 12 years. We have a little home in a nice suburb. My kids get along really well. I have a pretty happy life.

Before my husband and I got married we both discussed having 3 children. He is the eldest of 4. I am an only child. We both wanted a big family. At this point we should be just enjoing what we have made of our lives. Now that my daughter has just turned 1 my husband has made numerous comments about wanting another baby. Just a few weeks ago my 5 year old crawled into my lap and asked when we were going to bring home another baby. He loves his baby sister so much he wants another one. I asked what if he had another baby brother. He responded that would be okay too. So now that the bug has been put in my ear about it, I can't decide what to do.

My problem is my pregnancies gradually got worse with each one. I had joint problems that in my 3rd pregnancy required me walking intermittently on crutches toward the end. I am not the kind who particularly enjoys being pregnant. They were fairly uncomfortable and I was so happy when my 3rd was born because I "Never have to go through this again". I don't really want to go through child birth again. I don't want to deal with the recovery process again, all the blood work, the epidural, the doctor visits. We are incredibly responsible parents so if we did decide to have another I would "suffer" through all of this because it isn't about ME, it's about the health of the baby. I guess I want another baby... but I don't want to HAVE another baby.

The other issue we have is we have several friends who have children with "issues". Two have autism, one has something "like" cerebral palsy but has not actually been diagnosed with this, etc. We have been quite fortunate that I never had a known miscarriage and our kids are all healthy. Would we be tempting fate? My husband's sister has 5 kids who are all healthy but that doesn't mean we would!

Is there anyone out there who has several children and had this dilema of whether or not to have another? What did you decide to do and whatever that decision was, do you regret it or happy about it? I am a religious person so I have prayed about it. This was recent so I am still waiting for my answer. I thought while I was waiting I would get input from other women (or men too) who have been in this situation.

One last thing to add, I am going to be 31 this summer and while I still feel quite young in almost all aspects of life, I am starting to feel a bit old to be having babies. I realize I haven't hit that "danger zone" of 35. I just don't know if I am wanting another baby because I actually WANT 4 kids, or if I want another baby because I am hormonal about my last baby being 1, almost walking, turning into a real little kid and no longer a "baby".

I have given birth to 5 sons and 2 daughters, though my fifth child, and youngest daughter passed away from SIDS when she was two months old. After she died, I went on to have two sons. I'm not so sure if it is tempting fate to have many children, and to be honest with you, if given the choice to erase my daughter and the pain of her death (which literally drove me crazy for over a year. At first I was just numb, but later on I was hearing voices, as well as an obsessive compulsion with checking on my kids. I had to wake up several times in the middle of the night to make sure they were all still breathing, I made every person whose home they went into put new batteries in their smoke detectors, etc.) 14 years later I would choose to have known her and experienced all I did. I guess that is my way of saying that no matter what happens, we all grow and learn from it, even if it seems like there is no getting through it at the time. I think the more serious issue is the fact that you really don't want to have another child right now. Your daughter is only one, and who knows how you will feel next year, or the next. I have known perfectly happy, well-adjusted women who have have had a child when they weren't into it, and they have fought with the mental anguish of having an irrational resentment towards the baby.
You are a 31 year old woman who has delivered three healthy children, so there is no reason why you can't wait until YOU are ready for another child, if ever. There is no invisible line at 35 that makes unhealthy babies.
On a positive note, anything after three kids doesn't really seem like much more work, meaning the transition from one child to two children is incredible, from two children to three children is a bit of a challenge, but not life-changing, but from three to four is a piece of cake.
I love having a big family, and most people who have big families will tell you the same thing. Kids who grew up with lots of siblings usually wouldn't want it any other way.
In my opinion, you have at least two more years before it might be really challenging, and that is only because of the age of your youngest. If you have a child when your youngest is three or under it isn't so much of a transition, but if you have a new baby after your youngest has gained some independence the shock can be really alarming. All of a sudden you've got this new baby when you have just gotten used to being able to take your eyes off of the old baby for five seconds.
I guess my point is-don't stress over doing anything right this minute. Talk with your partner about how you feel, he sounds like he is a very perceptive, comforting man.
Maybe if you discuss how you feel with your husband you will be able to come to a few realizations about exactly what your concerns are. It could be as simple as your husband keeping an eye on the kids a couple of hours a week so you can get out of the house to volunteer or go to school.

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(Rating: 5) Thank you for your quick response. I was saddened to hear about your loss but comforted to hear you have coped so well.

My husband and I have been talking about this a great deal and he is looking forward to hearing the feedback I get from advicenators. If we do decide to have another, I want to wait until my daughter is a little closer to 2. By then, perhaps I will feel more strongly one way or the other.

Thanks again.
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