I live in Central Wisconsin. I am married and we have two daughters. In 1997 I earned my degree in psychology from the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point. In my spare time I study psychology and philosophy.
Gender: Male
Location: Stevens Point, WI
Occupation: Phlebotomy Coordinator (Clinical Laboratory)
Age: 35
Member Since: October 19, 2005
Answers: 118
Last Update: January 24, 2010
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19/f
I am 19 and my parents dont really allow me to do much. I feel like a child. My friends all make fun of me for being under such close watch and not being allowed to go places and do things like most 19 or 18 year old do, because i always have to ask my parents and hope that they will permit me to do something... I have no freedom. I've fairly recently gotten in trouble for trying to go out, because I said so, and I was like... its time to stop being controlled by my parents and get out and have some fun.
I had to deceive my parents so that i could do what i wanted to do. I couldn even leave the house without my mom looking out the door to see who was picking me up and to see if they were there yet...etc.... I didnt know my mom was going to follow me to the door, so that foiled my plan. I was going to walk up the road, but my mom was like "no, tell your friend to come pull up infront of the door". And then she saw that it was a male friend and not the female friend i told her it was. I got in a lot of trouble and got yelled at and lectured.. Now my parents say they dont trust me and i cant go anywhere or do anyyything. My friends say "you're 19, you can do what you want....etc."..
I want to know if it would be f***ed up or not if I were to just slip out the house and move one day and not tell my parents anything until I get there. I want to live with a certain guy, but, i mean, when i am ready to move in with him and when i'm sure thats what i want to do. And I will call my parents from my new residence, or better yet text them and be like "umm.... yeah.... i moved..."
They dont even want me meeting with this guy. They dont want me to meet with no guy or do anything. And I am so tired of my parents! I need to get away from them! I'm not going to even bother with introducing them to the guy, because they wont want me with him cuz he's 22 and i told my mom a little bit about him and she's like "you dont need to be with him. you dont need to be with anybody. You need to focus on school and focus on gettin yourself together first (work on myself in terms of anxiety problems etc.)" They just want to keep me as their boyfriend-less child for as long as they possibly can.
And I dont want to bother with telling them i plan on moving out. So do you think it would be messed up if i just moved out, and in with this guy, and just told them about it after the fact? Just so they know what happened to me.. and that way they cant do anything about it (link)
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Most of your description focuses on your parents' overprotectiveness and your desire to get out from under their thumb and be your own person. I completely identify with that and I believe you should focus on finding your own place and moving out.
On a separate note you want to move in with this guy. I am wondering if you are making that decision based more on your desire to move out than your desire to live with this guy. If you are looking for independence, you are better off getting a roommate for starters, so you have your own place. What will you do if you break up with this guy? Move back in with your parents? Your situation will be more stable if you find a roommate.
I know you want to stick it to your folks, I did too, but be careful not to burn that bridge. They can continue to be an excellent resource and form of support. Going out on your own has it's challenges and surprises. It would be nice for you to be able to call them up and ask for help on how to do something without having to work around that awkward way in which to plan to part company.
I think your best plan would be to tell them you're going to move out and ask them if they would like to help you find a place. That might help both of you---you get their expertise in selecting a domicile, and they get to feel like they have some influence over where you end up living, which will go a long way toward relieving them of the inevitable separation anxiety they will experience.
Realize their overprotectiveness comes not from a lack of trusting you, but instead a lack of trusting the world "out there". They probably watch the evening news too much and have a distorted view of the world teenagers inhabit.
Try to be patient with them, but also firm. Stand your ground, but resist the temptation to "teach them a lesson" by disappearing. You feel hurt by their overprotectiveness and it's natural to want to hurt them back.
Keep thinking it through, as you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You'll be fine.
Dr. Chad
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Rating: 5
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I knowww... they watch as much news as they possibly can... it annoys me... But anyway, the room mate thing... it is a good idea, however in my case it would be difficult because I cant get a job therefore i wont be able to go half on the rent. My anxiety problems stand in the way of certain things in my life. This includes attending classes, getting a job,...... And about moving in with the guy, its more because i want to be with him as opposed to just moving away from my parents just for the sake of it. And I have very much considered that i should be sure that i want to move in with him before i do so. So i will give it time, spend time with him etc. until i feel comfortable that he is the one that i want to live with. I was liking the idea of living with him and having him love me and take care of me. but my parents say that i should be independent and not hve to depend on a man. But how can iiii be independent? I feel like it is my only option. I'm not going to live with my parents forever, and i dont know if i will ever be able to work.... maybe with alot of therapy... but i have tried going to therapy sessions and i've taken anxiety meds and i have benefitted from nothing. So i am losing hope. I want tolive with this special guy, it would make me happy. And i think that he would take care of me. If i dont want to live with mommy and daddy too much longer, and the room mate thing wont work out, what are my options? please help me =[ *crying*
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