Gender:
FemaleLocation:
MassachusettsOccupation:
Full-time studentAge:
37Member Since:
January 5, 2009Answers:
367Last Update:
January 23, 2013Visitors:
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advice
So me and this guy have only been dating for a little while and well me and him started to make-out last night and I told him I wanted to take things slow. I don't like to just jump into things you know? Thats not who I am. But he kept pushing and pushing to have sex and I kept telling him no. Well he just started kissing me again and I thought he understood that I wasn't going to have sex but then before I knew it he was pulling my pants off and started having sex with me even though I told him no. I didn't know what to do. I pretty much just shut down.... I feel completely horrible now. After that happened last night I can't stop thinking about what happened and I don't know what to think or what to do. I feel completely used and ashamed..... I don't know what to do now. I feel like it's my fault.
It is absolutely not your fault. You should be able to kiss a guy without worrying about being raped. I know that sounds like a harsh word, but you have been raped. You are feeling as if you somehow invited it by not punching him in the face and trying to fight him off. This is the same bull that has been haunting women forever and allowing men to take advantage of them. Women have a tendancy to blame themselves for everything. When I was a little girl, maybe five or so, I was molested by the old man who lved next door. It felt good, and after the first time, I would go over when I knew he was alone and encourage the sexual activity. I felt bad about it, and I felt really dirty so I never told anyone about what happened, because I felt like I asked for it. It broke my self esteem for a long time. But the truth is, I was only a little girl, and he was a perverted sexual preditor. The number one thing sexual preditors have going for them is our shame. They want us to feel disgusted in ourselves so we won't tell and they won't get into trouble.
You were faced with a situation that put you in shock. You still can't even believe it happened, so why are you now beating yourself up because you didn't handle it like Wonder Woman, and karate chop him, leaving him knocked out on the floor? You were caught off guard and totally by surprise. You were in the middle of a situation that you hear about all of the time, but you never thought it would happen to you. Please try not to beat yourself up about it, because if you do, you will score a point for their side.
There are a lot of things to think about. Do you want to report it-Is he bragging about it all over the place-Are you going to get pregnant-STD-all of these things and more are going through your head and you're overwhelmed. Rightfully so, you have just been through a terribly traumatic experience. I know it is good to talk about things, and this advice line is your first step, but I hope you find someone human to talk to. There are a lot of things to consider, too, because some people may be obligated to report the situation to the police and you may not be ready for it. But you may also want to report what happened because he will do this again to someone else. I just hope at the very least you don't blame yourself. It is not your fault.
(Rating: 5) thanks, your advice was the best of them all :)