I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26949
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ok me n my bf have been 2gether since 2000! we have a 3 yr old son n we love each other! but he jst ignores me alot n treats me like im not here! but he treats other people all diff! hes all nice n respectfull 2 them but with me is a whole diff story! he always tells me that i need 2 quit carring about things he dose n i should jst care about that he loves me only! but i tell him but u dnt show me that u do! he says 2 quit bitching n nigging at him! that i need 2 change! n i admit i do bitch n bitch at him alot! its like everyday! but wat gf doesnt! wat can i do 2 change my attitude tores him! how can i show him that i dnt really care about wat he dose even dough i do! (link)
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Do you know what he doesn't know? You kind of seem like you do, but you don't realize it. Let's see if we can put it into words. There are things that a man and women need to be too each other if they are going to live their life together. There is one thing that every husband and wife that reaches till death do us part, have in common. They are best friends.
Now, let's understand what you want deep down inside. Women, deep down inside want to be everything to one person. Here's where the trouble comes in, men want to be everything to everybody. He already feels, (wrongly so), he is everything to you, so he doesn't have to do anything but express his love to you.
So tell me, where does bitching and nagging come into to this, well, frustration. Big question, does it help, does it make him think? No, guys don't do that. You really have to spell it out to us at that age and older.
When you are alone with him and he doesn't have the Do Not Disturb sign hanging from his forehead, try talking to him about these things. Get him realizing that thinking he is solidly everything to you is wrong. Tell him when the day comes that he is your best friend and you can tell him all your, (play this up now), deepest darkest secrets, you'll let him know.
Remember now, once in a while we need to be bitched at, remember the old saying, "Behind every great man is a great bitch", or something like that. I think you'll find though, once he starts thinking about it, you will not find as much to bitch about.
Changing people from who they are, to who you want them to be is wrong, expecting them to take part in their own life is not.
Be well dear spirit.
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