I live in Central Wisconsin. I am married and we have two daughters. In 1997 I earned my degree in psychology from the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point. In my spare time I study psychology and philosophy.
Gender: Male
Location: Stevens Point, WI
Occupation: Phlebotomy Coordinator (Clinical Laboratory)
Age: 35
Member Since: October 19, 2005
Answers: 118
Last Update: January 24, 2010
Visitors: 18606
Main Categories:
Mental health
Families
Spirituality
View All
Favorite Columnists
karenR
Razhie
Chicken_flavored_eggs
|
| |
Im 16f. I have one brother that is eighteen in December and one sister that is 10. Anyhow, my brother just graduated and is the jerk of the house. He is the troublemaker, he bums around the house most days, backtalks, blasts his music, does what most teenage boys do. He does have a job now that he goes to most days which is a plus on my behalf. Hes not around much anymore so hes not really a problem to me now.
But, My sister is a momma's baby, she talks to my mom as if she is still three most of the time, my mom is her personal chef and waitress when she is around, and she gets her way practically all the time. Heres where the main problem comes in, i'll give an example of something that actually happened: My sister accidently hits me with a tennis ball she is throwing around, and in defense i say "hey". My mom gives me heck because I 'yelled' at my sister, and then my sister goes 'haha' and so i gently bump her on her butt. Then my sister throws a fit (she gets mad instantly sometimes when she is tired) and starts hitting me with the tennis ball, so i grab her hand so she cant hit me, which ends up in me getting yelled at for holding her hands.
Its just so frustrating when i get in trouble for stuff i didnt do. My mom said i was backtalking to her today and got a bit frustrated at me, when she asked if i knew where the remote was and i said 'no. I havnt used it all day'.
My sister never gets in trouble because she is the youngest and my brother just gets told 'not to do something' even though he just does it again a while later.
It just gets on my nerves. I try ignoring my sister when she does have her 'tired/mad' times, but she usually ends up smacking me and then i have to hold her hands, if you know what I mean.
What things can i try to show my mom that she is really the instigator, and im just defending myself. (link)
|
This will sound too simple to try, but try it a few times:
When your sister "acts out", don't "react" to her. Instead, go to your mother and in a calm, grown-up, reasonable voice, ask: "[Little sister} just [describe behavior]. How do you recommend I handle it?"
You've accomplished several things:
1. You didn't match action for action, which is what a child would have done.
2. You've put your mother in a position to teach you how to respond to your little sister's behavior, which will make her feel like you still need her wisdom and advice.
3. You've definitely shown yourself to be mature rather than immature.
4. If your mother gives you advice on how to respond to your sister, and you follow it diligently, your mother cannot hold you responsible for the consequences. After all, you're only doing what she told you.
Right now, you're letting your little sister and mother call the shots. They are in control, because you always react to their behavior, rather than making them react to yours. If you go to your mom for advice, and sound reasonable enought that she takes you seriously, then you are the one in control, and both your sister and mom have to react to your reasonable, mature behavior.
Let me know how it goes!
Regards,
Dr. Chad
|
|
Rating: 5
|
I'll let you know how it goes in the future,
for sure
Thanks ;)
|
|