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Q: Me and my guy friend Mike have had a very rocky history. We've dated in the past, hooked up, fought, stopped speaking to each other, became friends again & so on and so forth. Anyway Mike is the most emotionally closed-off person in the world. He never opens up to ANYONE, not even his best friends. Just once I wished he would open up to me about something, anything really, but I knew it was not to be.
Well the other night he got some bad news and took it out on me. We got into a pretty bad fight [via texts] because he read something I wrote online that he assumed was about him [it was not at all]. After I informed him of his mistake, he believed me but still was picking a fight with me. As usual I was emotional and upset & he seemed to be uncaring. I figured if this is it and he doesn't want anything to do with me, I might as well let all my feelings out now. And I did. [I've let him know my feelings in the past, and he usually responds somewhat emotion-less or uncaring, and never says how he feels.] Well I guess something struck a nerve because he didn't respond for a while, and then when he did it shocked me. Basically he opened up to me and told me one of the deepest darkest things about himself. It was like he had finally done what I always wanted him to....yet now I was upset because it was so personal I didn't even know how to respond. Also it put into context why he's been acting he way he has and how it's not me that's been pushing too hard or anything, it's his own inner-battle. I finally came up with something to say but of course that was when my phone crapped out on me and hasn't been working right since. Then he texted me the next morning to explain why he had reacted so harshly originally and that he was sorry for taking his anger out on me. Again, I couldn't respond because of my eff-ed up phone.
Today I IM-ed him, just to let him know that I did recieve those messages and that I wasn't ignoring him. He said it was fine and then we just sorta conversated about random things like normal. But all I can do is wonder now...where does that leave us? I'm not by any means trying to push him into a relationship or anything like that, but for him to open up to me I must mean something to him, right? At least in terms of friendship, that's all. And how can I go about letting him know that I'll be there for him if he needs someone to talk to without seeming to over-bearing or without bringing up some bad memories of his? Or should I just act as if nothing was ever even said...?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance =)
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I totally understand how you feel about him not opening up to you, but then when you did you felt kinda overwhelmed and didn't know what to say. I had the same kind of thing happen between my boyfriend and I. He has had a very very rocky life before me and he never really talked to anyone about it, not even his very best friend, well when we started dating the fact that he wouldn't talk to me kind of made our relationship difficult. Because I didn't know where he was coming from, or if we going to gauge all that anger toward me if I one day hit the wrong nerve and it was a very scary time for me, but one day he sat me down and told me everything. I was completely taken aback and I really didn't know what to say to him, because I could see that this was a very sensitive area for him. All you can really do is to let him know that you understand that he has troubles and that you would be very willing to listen to him if he ever wants to talk about it. Don't ever judge him or try and solve the problems because you can't, the best thing you can do is to be there and make sure that he knows you are there.
Hope I Helped.
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Thank you that really helps a lot. The message that I {tried} to send back to him was something along the lines of how I didn't want to push him to do anything or make him change -- i just wanted to make him happy and be there for him.
It's good to know someone else has been through the same thing =]
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bio
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I am a 19 year old female. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet. I am funny. I am free-willed. I am a lover. I am a friend. I have been through alot & many people call me their guru. & I will try to give you the healthiest advice possible. I may be young but I have a lot of life experiences in many areas, and since my career will be giving advice I figured I'd give a head start. I can be blunt and will give you my honest opinion, although I will do it in a nice way.
I am married to an amazing guy, we have been together since my Junior year & we can't be happier. I have 2 dogs & they are my babies, life wouldnt be the same without them. I am going into my 2nd year of college, I plan to get a degree in Radiology.
I am currently really busy in my life but I will answer any and all questions that are sent to my inbox. I do my best to get on & answer as many questions as possible whenever I am on. If you wish for me to answer one of your questions please submit them. Thanks.
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Info
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Gender: Female Age: 19 Member Since: July 27, 2007 Answers: 552 Last Update: January 24, 2013 Visitors: 39366
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