I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 27013
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ok i have a boyfriend and i think me and him are getting pretty serious. and im pretty sure i love him. And that makes me really scared and it makes me want to cry. lol im a nerd, i know. But its really scary. Im kinda scared of commintment(sp?)
iv never really stayed with one guy for long. And i really love him and i want to stay with him. My heart says stay. But my mind says go...Even though hes all i think about anymore. Iv never been in love. SO i guess what im asking is,
how can i be less scared of being in love?
How do i really know im in love?
How can i make my heart and mind agree with eachother. (lol)
Because i really dont want to hurt him again.... (link)
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You have answered one of your questions already, if he is the only one you can think about, you love him. But that is not where it ends. Love is easy, almost as easy as lust, it's liking him to a point of no return that seals it. My wife's way of looking at love is, "If this guy were to have something happen, (an accident for instance), and he was left totally dependent on you for everything, (he could do nothing for you), would you stay with him? In other words, would your love truly conquer all?
Much of what you say, says to me that you are not ready for a serious relationship, that is where your fear comes in. Having this deep of a relationship is scary. You put yourself out there in a way that is dangerous. You open yourself up to all kinds of pain and sorrow, because the better a person knows you, the better they can hurt you. Doing this takes a lot of trust and trust is not something you mention in your letter. Your mind is not with you, because trust has not been achieved, I would guess. So, what your heart feels must be put on hold and your brain must be appeased.
Lastly, I don't normally suggest you do this, but I think you may have to talk with this guy, but you would be the best judge of that. Help him to understand where you are mentally and let him know your fear. You know, odds are, he has the same feelings. If he is any kind of a man, he will help you explore these things and perhaps the two of you will learn somethings about each other.
My best thoughts go with you on your journey.
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