I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26984
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I asked you a question before and your response really did help me then, as I hope it will now. I have, well, a few problems, with the males. I'm 14 and a girl and I feel like sometimes relationships at my age are awfully shallow. Yet, I would like to date someone eventually. I have a friend who is amazing, it's just that he is two years older. We have a very good friendship though, but it seems that although he displays the characteristics of liking me as more than a friend, I think that he and I have this mutual [unspoken] understanding that it would be inappropriate for us to date. So, I'm in the process of getting over the idea of seeing him as more than a friend. My problem is that I fluctuate a lot between crushes and I want to remain constant with myself. I know that this seems rather broad and all but I just feel confused and thought that maybe you could say something to help me out here. Thank you so much for reading and responding to this. You are my hero. :) (link)
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I'm glad to help. The reason they seem so shallow is, they are. At your age, kids, especially boys, don't have the first idea of who they are. That's why dating at your age is so futile. Stick with friendships until you understand yourself and your feelings, then wait for the boys to catch up, because believe me, they will be behind you.
If you fall for this boy now, the odds are he will change as he grows and comes to understand himself. You may not like how he changes, small changes are easy to accept, but odds are these will be big changes, as will your changes be.
Some would argue that you could be the one there changing him and he would become what you want. Trouble is, you can not be his only influence to change, unless you lock him up, then he would come to hate you anyway.
Parents should be the ones to have a heavy influence on a young one, but I can tell you, they have so little. It seems everyone has more influence on you then your parents do, but I have found that once your kids reach the stage of critical thinking, then you start to see the work of the parent. That is really where a person becomes who they are, when they reach the stage of critical thinking.
You obviously know these things, yeah, maybe you can't put them into words, but you know it. Don't let urges get in the way of what you logically know.
And believe it or not, you are the hero here. You are young, smart and can still make a huge difference in your world. Where I am the hero, who's use is fast coming to the end.
Be well my dear and always be my hero.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you once again. I think I agree that I should hold off dating for at least another year because I do feel like I need to be completely sure of who I really am. Hopefully I can really develop myself into a powerful adult so that someday I can help other young people like myself.And you are right. People do change, and I remember a time when I was afraid of change. But with each new day I continue to see how wonderful change can be. And by the way, I don't think your "use is coming fast to an end" because your words are encouraging to others, and I am sure that you are raising great kids too. You've even made a difference in me. Thank you.
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