I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26950
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so i just recently sent in a question about my bf that broke up with me and said sorry i found a new girl... well we broke up and i texted him and he freaked and said he never wanted to talk to me then tonight he got drunk texted me adn then called me and said he just said all the mean stuff to me because he thinks i have changed and wants me to be the same again and he wanted to show me how he felt when i broke up with him for my ex ... even tho we got back together after that he was still hurt. it was a long time ago kinda. and he said that he loved me. im really confused on how to take this .. wat about the girl he likes aparently and why is it all of a sudden after all the things he said that he says he loves me. then i sent him a text to see if he got home safe from the party cuz he was afraid of wrecking and he never answered. wat does this mean and is he just playing a game (link)
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You made one mistake and now that has snow balled. The one mistake you made was getting back with him. Life is never what it was, it always moves forward and people who won't let you grow are always trouble.
When you truly love someone, you don't try to change them, you let them change. I have never owned my wife and she has never owned me, too many people out there have this idea that they do own a person once they are an item. We have never made each other make our decisions, only tried to influence them, but once the choice was made, it was made, never an I told you so.
People who let others decide who they are lead bitter, spiteful, resent filled lives, is that what you want your life to be? Though you may continue your whole life with this person, your growth as a couple and as a person stops and you start to think, "is this all there is". Not only does this have a negative effect on you, but it denies your partner from knowing who you really are and worse yet, yourself from knowing who you really are. You were growing beyond him and he didn't like it, this happens to most people who drink. He wants you to stop and not grow along with him.
The mental growth of a person stops at the point where they become a heavy drinker, a fact most people don't know. As long as they use alcohol in excesses, they will not grow any further. That is what makes it so hard to get a person off of it, not the addiction. (Sorry AA.) Break it off with him and never allow someone else to keep you from learning and changing, make sure you learn the right lessons though.
Sorry to contradict, but people do not say what they really believe when they are drunk, they are more prone to say what they think will manipulate a person into what they want. This is why they will often say cruel things, to get what they desirer.
Alcohol is a mood enhancer, so if they wanted sex coming into the night, it will enhance that to the point of desperation, as an example and they will do, or say anything to get it. That is why so many people cheat when they are drunk. So never drink when you want sex, keep the two separate, unless you are drinking with the one you love.
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Rating: 5
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wow dr. phil here.. your right i let him go and im moving far from where he wants to go and im starting new it hurts when i see a pic of him n my room so i packed everything for college already so the past is away till i can face it cuz i know wat i want in the future.. does that make sense. lol well point is thanks a lot
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