Good day everyone.
I am a nursing student. My ultimate goal is to be a travel nurse.
I am happily married for over 12 years and have 3 children: ages 6, 4, and 2. Family is the most important thing in the world and I want to help families work out problems so they do not have to be torn apart.
If your family is as important to you as mine is to me, get the help you need. If you do not like my advice, I respect that but look for someone that works for your needs.
Your family is worth it!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Home maker/ nursing student
Age: 31
Member Since: October 26, 2007
Answers: 223
Last Update: September 27, 2011
Visitors: 34692
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me and my stepdad fight all the time, my mom always takes his side even though he is unreasonable. he tells my mother how to parent me and raise me even though i am 16 years old. it makes me so mad how he patronizes me and treats me like im 5, my mom pretends not to notice. i hate it..... ive tried talking to her all she does is tells me he loves me and that i should listen to him.
any advice?
thanks
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Having a step parent is really tough. Every aspect of divorce is tough. It is just that much worse when you are a teenager and approaching adulthood where you perhaps don't need as much parenting as you did when you were just a little kid!
I feel for both you AND your stepdad. On his side, he has walked into a pre-made family and really doesn't know what his boundaries are and that can be awkward. He needs to feel he has a say in how his house is run, but he really doesn't have much say over you as you are not his child, and not really a child anymore anyway.
I can relate to you much easier, however. I am NOT a step parent but did have one; a stepdad. I did not live in that household, however.
The advice I have for you will likely be difficult, but I feel if you can pull it off, you can be much happier. You said you are 16. This means that you know a lot more than people give you credit for... but lets face it... you don't quite know how to pull of adulthood just yet. If you try to "think" a little more mature; for example, listen to what he says and contemplate it. If it actually makes sense, try to ignore the fact that the information is coming from someone you really can't stand to be around and follow through with what he says. You may also try REALLY hard to slip in a comment like "ok. I get what you are saying." If it does not make sense, rather than blow up at him, try as hard as you can to calmly discuss with him that you understand what he is trying to say but it really does not apply to you.
Anger is very difficult to see through. It makes us say and do things that are not necessary appropriate and that we would not ordinarily say or do. I HATED my stepdad. My mom married him when I was about 14 or 15 (without me ever having met him, heard of him, or knowing my mother was getting married)and there was NO relationship there. I avoided speaking to him at all costs. He is no longer in the picture but now I am nearly 30 and I look back on it and realize that a lot of things I said and did, I did out of anger. My behavior was 110% different with him than with ANYONE else in my life, and it was simply out of the anger that he married my mother. It wasn't really about him personally. I would have behaved that way with anyone my mom was married to.
I don't have enough history of your situation. The above could be the case with you; you are angry because a man besides your dad is married to your mom. OR... he could actually be a complete and total low life jerk. Either is entirely possible!
I just think it could make you the better person if you try to put the "blow ups" aside and actually pause to hear him. I think Mom should step up a bit and listen to you as well. Again, I am not a step parent but I have to admit... having someone else try to parent my own children (we have 2 with our third one due in 4 weeks) would be a bit awkward. I would probably listen to what he had to say but after all... they are MY children. We just can't forget that this is his life too that has been affected and his home that he is trying to be included in.
Hopefully you are either in some sort of counseling or have parents who are open minded to that sort of thing. This could dramatically change the dynamics of your household and make everyone happier. I wish you the absolute best of luck with this. Divorce is crappy... for everyone involved.
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Rating: 5
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Thank-you your advice is really appreciated it was very insightful.
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