Q: Okay, so I'm auditioning for this drama club at my school. They write comedy sketches and perform them. The requirments for auditions is a 1-2 minute dramatic or comedic monologue. I already wrote it but I don't really have anyone to read it and tell me what they think. So if anyone wants to give advice/constructive criticism here it is.
The Logic of Insanity
So for the past two weeks I’ve been trying to write this ridiculously brilliant monologue and I just sat there at my computer for hours…brainstorming…coming up with potentially great ideas…and watching them fall apart over… and over… and over again. So I tried channeling some of the great writers, reading their stuff…
But then I realized maybe I just have to be crazy, you know, like all the great writers and artists, like the Disney writers, for one, who were on crack and put subliminal messages in all of the films…
Anyways, a lot of the great writers, the ones who made history, and the ones that we’re forced to read about in English…were either criminally insane, suicidal, addicts, or just plain high while they were writing.
Like Stephen King. The guy wrote some amazing books, you know… the shining, the stand, IT…though I don’t think he was ever sober. He did cocaine, marijuana, drank his weight in alcohol…okay so not the best actor to look to for inspiration.
Now Edgar Allen Poe was a good writer too. He had a bit of an obsession with ravens…after all I don’t think anyone had the talent of being able to stay awake long enough to hear the last “nevermore” in “the raven.” But the tall-tale heart was amazingly well written…and a little disturbing. And he only had to be abandoned as a young boy, thrown out on the streets by his adopted father, turn to alcoholism, develop rabies, and attempt suicide twice to get there. What an…amazing role model…really. His parents would be very proud I’m sure. I mean, I…I want to be just like him when I grow up.
Even Van Gogh, not even a writer, but one of the greatest artists to ever live... cut off his left ear and sent it to “the love of his life” Poor girl…I mean I don’t know what kind of girls he was into, but personally I would think it a bit of a turn-off to receive someone’s ear in the mail. I mean what do you say after that? “Ummm thanks for mutilating yourself for me but…I’m just not interested” or maybe the infamous “It’s not you it’s me” Like anyone ever believes that.
Then the poor guy realized he just cut off his ear for a girl who wasn’t interested in him and killed himself…I wonder what she did with that ear…anyway I guess Van Gogh would go in the category of those criminals on the run who think warehouses are still shady and those people who think shower radios are amazing gifts to give people, because honestly… Do you really want music in the shower? I mean I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door. Forget guns. If you’re trying to kill someone look no further ladies and gentlemen, just get a shower radio. Cheap and effective only for a low, low price of $9.99. If the person is not six feet shorter in the next 60 days we’ll give you a full refund.
So yah…I don’t do drugs, I’m not on crack, not an alcoholic, I’m not criminally insane or suicidal…at least not yet. This high school crap can really get to a person. I’m not on some terrible daytime soap where every single person is obnoxiously and unrealistically beautiful 24 hours a day and always have something witty to say. So, unfortunately, I guess I’m just going to have to depend on my own brain. I might have some problems along the way…but Nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play…or tragedy.
