ThEDaRkEsTSiDe's advice column

Hey everyone, my name is Dave and I am currently 18 years old. I'm a pretty easy going, open-minded person that enjoys discussion and helping someone out in need. Lifting is one true passion that I will follow for as long as I possibly can, I just have a love for it. I also enjoy music, hanging out with my friends and overall, having a good time and getting the best out of life. Please, if anybody has a question about fitness, nutrition, or anything for that matter, dont hesitate to ask, i would be happy to help anybody out.

advice

19/f - I am in serious need of advice. :(

I've been hanging out with my older brother's friends for about 3 years now. My brother is 25 and his friends range from 21-27.

One of my brother's friends has a New Years Eve party every year, and I always go. I've always liked one of his friends, "B", who is 24 now and we've finally got to know each other. I really think he likes me as well. :]

Well, 2 days after the party, "B" and some of my brother's other friends asked me to hang out. It was already 11:30PM and my mom gave me a real hard time about going, but I ended up going anyway.

After that, I decided to tell my brother and dad about "B". My brother is, I'm guessing, upset with me about hanging out with "B" and hasn't spoken to me since the 5th. My dad is uncomfortable with "B" being 24. My mom is really upset about the whole thing as well because she thinks me hanging out with "B" is gonna ruin everything.

The thing is, me and "B" really have a lot in common and I really like him a lot. I've secretly hung out with him three times since then, because if I told my family where I was going, they probably wouldn't let me.

I've told practically EVERYONE I know about the situation and nobody thinks it's a big deal AT ALL. Just my family.

I have no idea what to do. I just got done talking to my mom about some things, and she basically hates me right now. She said I'm turning into someone she doesn't like. But it's like, I'm 19 and it's my life, why can't I just do what I want and date who I want?

This really isn't fair. I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore, and I'm gonna see "B" when I want. Why are the only people who don't approve have to be my family? Please help. It's got to the point where I doubt it matters what I say, they're never gonna be happy with it, so why not just do what I want and show them that nothing bad is going to happen and that they're blowing this way out of proportion? I don't know, PLEASE HELP. :'[

You are not a child anymore. You're a fully grown, 19 year old female who deserves to make her own choices, especially who she wants to date and share experiences in her life with. It's somewhat understandable to see why your family is worried about you hanging around someone five years older than you are, solely because they care about you and they don't want to see you get hurt. If they weren't worried about it, somthing would actually be wrong with that. HOWEVER, it is not a case in which you are 12 and the other person is 17. Now THAT, is a big difference, but in your case, you are both fully grown adults. That's the part that I don't understand about this, although you still probably have alot to learn in life, as does "B." You shouldn't have to keep this a secret from your family though. To try and get your family aquainted with "B", invite him over for dinner or do somthing where your parents are involved as well. If he is the right guy for you, he WILL show your mother and father respect, and let them know that he wants to be with you. As for your brother, I think it is up to "B" more so than you to consol him. "B" needs to let him know that he will take good care of his little sister. I would still tell your brother how you feel about the whole situation once he decides to talk to you again. If your family truely loves you, they will respect the decision that you follow and they will support you through anything you decide to do in your life. Consider it a blessing though that they care about you and don't want to see you fall in with the wrong people, because there is plently of sons and daughters that aren't cared for. They just need to see the good guy "B" is and what good qualities he has. I don't think your blowing this out of proportion either.. love is a big thing to deal with! I wish you alot of luck in this situation, and hope the right thing happens! :) Dave

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(Rating: 5) thank u so much, that was good advice. :]

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