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February 18, 2007Answers:
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March 2, 2010Visitors:
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This is going to be a little bit confusing to explain, but I will try.
I have been reading a book on drug addictions, and it got me to thinking about regular addictions, such as caffeine, cutting, or even dancing. It's possible to become addicted to anything right?
Well I lost my boyfriend about 8 months ago. He & I had been together for 2 years & we were happy, but he randomly broke up with me in the worse possible way. After the first month of our breakup, we ran into eachother & had sex. I've always wanted him back & I still want him back, so everytime he wants to have sex, I've allowed it. & Not just allowed, but I've wanted it too.
I've tried moving on from him, dating other guys, having sex with other guys, but I always seem to want him. No matter what. He's always in the back of my mind.
So is it possible, that I could be addicted to a person, or to their sex? And if it is possible, how do you break the addiction, even though I don't think I want to break the addiction, because I like having that closeness with him.
I guess I just need some feedback.
My opinion...
I think addiction is a strong word. A strong word that doesn't apply to you.
More likely... You still care for your ex and you're having a hard time getting over him and moving on with your life.
And as harsh as I know I sound... My advice... MOVE ON.
Why? Because... He's 'just not into you.' If he was... He wouldn't have dumped you. Just because he wants to have sex with you doesn't mean that you will, or that he even wants, to get back together. He's using you. If he wasn't... Wouldn't it be just as easy to tell you that he's sorry and that he wants you back?
I know that moving on is hard... But the both of you are making the whole process a lot more difficult than it has to be. When you break up with someone... Stop hanging out, stop talking, make a CLEAN BREAK! I understand that you will miss him... But is 'being close' really worth all the pain? You need to explain to him the next time he comes around that you BOTH need space and time away from each other. Agree to not call each other anymore. Just say, "No."
And I know it will hurt... But I promise that over time you'll feel better and you WILL LOVE AGAIN. Suggestion: instead of jumping back into the dating scene... How about taking a break? Allow yourself to greive and mourn your loss... Then pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Ask yourself... What do I want? Set standards... Not just for the type of person that you want to date... But for what you want your relationship to be like. Then date with those standards in mind. If someone doesn't meet those standards... Date someone else! Meet people, date around, explore your options... Don't settle until you've found the right person!
And trust me... He's not the right person. Really... I know that everything I've said is very hard to swallow. I tell you this because I do care, and I do understand... We have, all of us, been where you are right now. I feel your pain and I'm sorry...
I wish you all the happiness in the world.
P.S. Please go the nearest bookstore and buy a copy of, "He's Just Not That Into You," by Greg and Liz. Please, please, please...
(Rating: 5) thank you for your honesty, it helps. but this isn't the first time i've heard that & it wouldn't be the first time he & i both have tried to move on, we just keep going back to eachother, it's complicated. the thing is, i don't want to move on from him, & i know i should.
i'll buy that book as soon as possible, books are my recovery.
thank you, honestly.