So here goes:
I'm 14/f and you guys are probably wondering "What has she been through? She's only 14."
Well, my grandpa left when I was young because of cancer. My uncle promised that he'll be with me forever and that he'd quit smoking. Now he's dead from lung cancer. My grandma, I adore and love, is getting ill everyday. I hate the fact that my family members are slowly going away. In addition to that, I've let one too many guys take my heart and break it into pieces. Now I'm afraid of letting anyone get close to me. IF a guy likes me, & even if I like him back, I find myself running away from the guy and pushing him away. If I have a friend that I really enjoy having around, I'll find ways to ruin the friendship. If I have a crush, I'll force myself to forget about him/her and convince myself that I'm just going to end up hurt again.
I just find myself secluding myself from people everyday in fear of letting them hurt me. I feel like if I push them away, when they leave, it won't hurt as much. I know I'm hurting my friends and family by doing this but I can't help it. I really want to stop myself but I can't...can someone please help me get over this?
well from what it sounsdl ike, you've traced the key events in your life that are the core of your emotional problems. I have the same problems as you, I have a fear of attachment because I'm afraid of getting hurt. That fear is left imprinted in my sub conscious. But there are always way to get around that.
Anyways, here's a quote I thought I should share with you
"Just because the song will end, it doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy the music"
The point is that just because people will end up hurting you, which they will, especially in your teenage years(which you have a lot left) it doesn't mean you should altogether give up on being close with people. I understand that the events in your past are worse than what most people encounter when they're 14. However, you shouldn't let those events in yoru past weaken you. Get close to a guy you like if he lieks you back, go out with him, or hang out with him. Get to know him. Enjoy it while you have it. When it ends, it will hurt, but you have to learn to pick yourself up and move on. I know you've already picked yourself up from falling several times, but in life, you will fall down consistently, and you can either pick yourself up or stay down there.
Also, if it could help, find a therapist to talk to your problems with. If the therapist doens't help, find another one. Do this until you find a good therapist. If you have any questions, send me a message.
Good luck
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