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Hi, I'm a 20 year old lesbian and I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 3 years. She's the first long term relationship I've ever had. I've been living with her for about a year and a half. She pays for everything for me, and the house is hers.
I'm the kind of girl who gets big crushes that last for months. But I never really got a crush on my girlfriend, I just started dating her because she seemed like she would make a nice girlfriend. So ever since we've been together I've still been getting crushes on other women. I haven't been with anyone else, but I don't know if I should just keep staying in this relationship just because we make a good couple. If I left then I'd have to move back in with my mom who is an even less tolerable choice. Besides, my girlfriend has been with me so long that she's gotten into the same habits and so if she left she might change, I might find that she was the best person out there after all, but then it would be too late.
Most of the time I don't even want to hug her and I don't know why. I really like her and enjoy being around her. Should I just stay in the relationship until I find someone that I do have passion for? (link)
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I'm a man, and I'm hetero. Hope you don't mind if I advise you.
Intimate relationships don't necessarily need intense passion; it is possible to have a perfectly happy, successful long-term commitment without feeling sparks fly every time she walks into the room. But if it's something you feel is missing and that you don't want to live without, then ultimately your relationship is doomed.
Normally, I'd say that you could stay together for as long as you're happy, but in your case there's a problem with that. She's essentially supporting you completely; she provides you with a home, companionship, a listening ear, and all your expenses are paid. It would not be right to stay with her for the sole purpose of having someplace to be while you look for someone else. There's a phrase for that: it's called "using someone".
She doesn't deserve that.
You need to tell her about your feelings, or lack thereof. It'll probably hurt, and you may find yourself thrown out, but it is the honest and right thing to do. She deserves to know if she is someone you're settling for until something better comes along. She may even be willing to change her habits to try to give you the passion you're looking for. It's worth a try.
One more thing: you need to find some way to be independent, financially and emotionally, before you can have a truly successful relationship. Being "trapped" with someone because you have nowhere else to go is not a good way to inspire feelings of love and affection. No matter what happens with your current girlfriend, get yourself a job and start contributing to the household. The best kinds of relationships, regardless of the gender of those involved, are based on equality.
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Rating: 5
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Thanks. Yeah, we are completely honest with each other and she knows about my feelings. Sometimes I feel so sure that I want to be with her forever and then other times I wish I was with whoever my latest obsession is with. It's confusing. Oh, and I do have a job, but I earn only about $200 a pay check, which really isn't enough to support myself.
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