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(Before I start I'm 18 and a freshman in college.) I was in a exclusive relationship about 8 months ago. It ended badly and I ended up getting hurt. My boyfriend of 1 year cheated on me, more than once. Anyways ever since then, I'v only had casual relationships, not sex I just wouldn't exclusively date one guy at a time. I met this one guy in class, after we were assigned in pairs for a project. And I started to like him. A lot. And I knew he liked me too, because he was flirting with me and walking me to classes ect. I was taking a walk outside when it was raining (Don't ask me why I just like the rain)and he came up to me when I was sitting on the bench. He said he saw me and wanted to know what I was doing sitting on a campus bench in a rainstorm. By that time it was raining really hard.(Before I go any farther he asked me out twice by then, but he was a boyfriend kind of guy and didn't do casual anymore, so I turned him down) I said I was just going for a walk, and he sat down beside me. We talked for a while in the pouring rain, and then he leaned over and kissed me. It turned into a pretty heavy make out session and I started thinking 'what the hell am I doing, I can't be his girlfriend I'm not gonna put myself in the position to be hurt again'. Anyways I pushed him away away and when he was about to say something I spoke before him. I said "I'm sorry, but this was a mistake, I can't do exclusive realationships, you know that" (Those were my exact words) Even though I really liked him I didn't want to get hurt again. I stood up ready to walk away when he caught my wrist, he said "You can't or you won't, why can't you give a relationship a fighting chance. I really like you, a lot more than you know and I know you feel the same. You and I both know It wasn't a mistake" and then I said "Thats where your wrong" and I walked off. He called my name but didn't try to stop me again. I'v been avoiding him for the last few days, and he's called my cell phone a million times. I don't know what to do, I really really like him. He's sweet, funny, gorgeous, caring, honest (I could go on but I'll spare you)I know he's not my ex but I'm just scared. Scared of what I feel for him and scared I'll get hurt again. When we were kissing everything felt so right. I felt safe and loved and not lost anymore. He's offering me a real relationship, a healthy realtionship. But should I take the chance? What should I do? Is the ball in my court?

Okay... Let's talk about your ex-boyfriend for a minute...

When you discovered that he had been unfaithful... How did you feel? Did you feel unattractive? Perhaps incapable of satisfying his sexual desires? Or incapable of satisfying him in some other way? Mentally? Emotionally? Did you blame yourself for his actions?

Think before you answer. Because... I don't think your problem is that you mistrust the opposite sex. I think your problem is that you are feeling insecure. You all ready stated that you know this man is not your ex-boyfriend... Implying that you understand the concept than not all men are prone to be unfaithful. Yet you're still afraid.

I think you are afraid because you suspect... That you are flawed. So flawed that you do not deserve to have the relationship that you desire. You suspect that if you allow yourself to become attached to another man he will inevitably betray you just as your ex-boyfriend did... Because you are deficient in some way.

I don't even know you and I can tell you with certainty that you DO deserve the relationship you desire... And also that you are NOT deficient. If your ex-boyfriend had sex with other women it wasn't your fault. After befriending several chronic cheaters I've learned that most of the time when people are unfaithful... They are unfaithful because of their OWN emotional/ mental issues that negatively impact their ability to form healthy, lasting romatic attachments. So... Trust me. It wasn't you, it was definitely him.

Now that I've made my arguement about whether or not you are capable of forming a relationship... I'd like to share a lesson with you that I have learned...

You can't have a healthy relationship until YOU are healthy.

So... Before you even consider dating the new man... You need to put your insecurity to rest. I know... Not an easy task. But you can do it. Start by accepting yourself as you are. Imperfections and all. Once you've accepted yourself you'll find it easier to discover the qualities that you like about yourself... And the more qualities that you discover you like... The easier it will be to love yourself. Because you have to love yourself before you can accept the love of another.

Once you love yourself... Then you are ready for a relationship.

I can tell you really like this man. And... You also recognize that he is relationship material. I think you want to try dating him... But maybe you should wait.

Waiting to date is not the same as waiting to talk to him. I think you should talk to him. And soon. What do you say? Be honest. "I really like you and I want to date you... But I haven't recovered from my last relationship and I don't think I'm ready to date yet." And maybe... "I would like to be your friend and get to know you better."

Getting to know a potential boyfriend should always be your goal... Not to jump into a relationship. (Whether or not you think he's the type of guy that dates for fun or views dating as something more serious.) Only when you spend time with someone and discuss the issues that matter to you can you discover whether you are compatible or not. Discover whether or not you're compatible and the decision about whether or not to pursue something a little more serious will be easier.

So... Bottom line: look in the mirror and say, "I love you." And mean it. Be honest and open with the new man. And relax... Get to know him before you start thinking about the "r" word.

Because... If he's worth the wait, he'll wait for you.

Okay... I'm rambling now. Shutting up. Many blessings. ;)

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