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Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student/ General Know-It-All
Age: 22
Member Since: August 17, 2005
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Last Update: January 22, 2011
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Myself and my fiance are 26 and I have a 2 1/2 year old from a previous relationship. We have been together for 1 1/2 years and engaged for 1. Last week my fiance had a couple of friends that were looking for an apartment to live in. They are supposed to be moving into the ones where we live. Without asking me, Josh invited them to stay with us until their apartment is ready. It has been almost a week now since they came to stay. It made me really angry that he did not ask me if I cared if they stayed, he just invited them and told me they were staying. I'm upset because I am the one paying all the bills right now because he just finished college and has not found a job yet. Our apartment is really small and was cramped with just our stuff in it. Now our dining room is stuffed with their things and they have taken over our living room too. We only have a couch in our living room because it it tiny. At night after I get home from work I like to make dinner then lay around and watch TV for a while before I go to bed. Since they have been there I don't get to sit on the couch or watch TV. I have been coming home and going to my room to read. Josh gets upset with me because I don't want to sit out there with our "company". I wouldn't mind hanging out with everyone, but when I do sit in my living room I either have to sit on the floor or pull a chair from my dining room to sit on. I feel like my son is getting shorted by them being there too. He is used to having free roam of the house and playing where ever he wants to in the apartment. Now he is confined to his room and can not play anywhere else and when he tries to he gets into trouble for getting into their stuff. Then over the weekend we had a birthday party to go to for my grandmother. I made it clear to Josh the night before that I did not want them in the house while we were gone. When we got ready to leave the next day Josh handed them his keys so they could come and go as they please. It's like my thoughts and opinions don't count anymore. Then when I try to explain to him how I'm feeling he gets angry with me and thinks I'm being rude to them. I like my personal space and I hate it when I don't have it. Right now my space in majorly being invaded. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Josh thinks I'm too controlling on things like this, but I'm tired of being stepped on and used. How can I make him see my point of view before I just get angry with the situation and just kick all 3 of them out so it's just me and my son again? (link)
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Jesus christ I agree with the columnist below- i would have snapped way before this and think you have the patience of a saint. If you and your fiance were sharing the costs of the house that's one thing, (still horribly inconsiderate not to ask you) but you are the sole person supporting all three men and frankly it's taking the piss.
By the sounds of it your fiance is being incredibly unreasonable and you need to get firm. If he's going to act like a petulant child I'm afraid its going to have to be reduced to a stat of treating him like one in that you lay down ground rules for what goes on in your house and the consequences if your wishes are ignored. For example, get these people to set a firm date for when they are leaving; make it clear that if they don't want your son getting into their things they must store them away and that he can play where he pleases; ask them for some rent or money towards basics like food and explain if they can't provide it they will be unable to stay. I'm astounded they've not offered at least a token sum- THAT is rudeness if anything.
You need to find a quiet moment with Josh and ask him to listen to how upset you are without interrupting you. Explain it's not about control but wanting to be respected and listened to by your future husband and in your own home. If what you've said here doesn't cause him to feel guilty or at the very least concern for your feelings I'm afraid it bodes less than well for any future this relationship has and yes, you probably would be far better off kicking all three of them out and letting them bitch and whine about how mean and controlling you are. Any sensible person will sympathise with your position. Unfortunately you can't force someone to see your point of view if they don't really give a damn about seeing it in the first place. If this is the first time something like this has happened try to talk it out but make it clear you won't put up with it. If not you need to have a serious think about whether you can stand for your son and yourself to be sidelined in favour of his buddies like this the rest of your life.
Personally and as an outsider I would far prefer to be single than be disrespected to this extent.
Add on: Bravo,glad it's on its way to being sorted
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Rating: 5
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We finanally got some time alone and I cornered him with my feelings on the situation. I do have the patience of a saint and sometimes it's not a good thing. I finally got tired of it and kind of blew up on him. I let him know if they don't leave ASAP then he's going to be going out the door right along with them. I hate when I'm made to be the bad guy when the whole mess was his fault to begin with. I think I finally beat it into his thick skull that I'm the only one working and supporting our family so I wear the pants in the family and he needs to respect me for it.
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