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Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student/ General Know-It-All
Age: 22
Member Since: August 17, 2005
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Okay, so I'm pretty much a hardcore soccer player. I play it often. But my mom is always thinking she knows so much about it, and I tell you she doesn't.
She yells at me for stupid mistakes, for everything that goes wrong in our house, and finds ways to call me a loser, loner, and that I suck at stuff, without actually saying it. She's called me a bitch so many times I couldn't count. But my real question is, is what she doing really abuse?
People have told me it was, but I just don't know anymore. She did physically abuse me ages 7-10, maybe that's why I'm not sure or not. And I've been depressed, at least I think a lot. She's making me want to quit soccer from all the camps and stress. And many of my close soccer friends are scared of that because I'm that one girl on the team who puts on a good additude, never gives up, gives it her all, knows what she needs to fix, and would miss what is important to her just to play. And I also go outside and practice often. And I just can't play well anymore and starting not to love it.
so is it abuse?
any help or advice would be amazing. (link)
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It probably wouldn't be termed abuse, just having a bit of a sucky mother. If you like soccer in itself do not give it up no matter what she says about it. Your teammates clearly think very highly of you so her comments have no justification and probably come from either her own insecurity (which is therefore pathetic) or desperately wanting you to be the perfect child so it reflects well on her (which is also pretty pathetic...).
Calling your daughter a bitch is something a mother should really know better than to do and if she has a reasonable bone in her body you could try bringing the subject up with her either face to face or in a letter if you can't say it and tell her how crappy it makes you feel wehn she puts you down all the time. If she hadn't been abusive in the past I'd also suggest one day when she's being particularly unreasonable you yell right back at her for once as I've found this tends to shock them into thinking exactly why you reacted so badly but since she's physically abused you this is not a good plan.
The best you can do in this situation it seems to me is carry on doing the things you love and keep other people's compliments in your head while trying to push her negativity out. I know it can be really hard because it comes from your mum who you've spent your whole life being made to listen to but if you can bear in mind that you're achieving things she never has and gain some sense of your own worth regardless of her her comments will hopefully not affect you so much and you can leave them behind you when you move out.
I'm sorry you're in the position of having to be the adult in the relationship with your mum, it shouldn't be that way at all but as someone once said to me- one day you realise your parents have trouble functioning as adequate people let alone adequate parents. x
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Rating: 5
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thank you very much. you seemed to help a lot. Maybe I'll talk to you outside of here, because I think you'd be a good person to talk to more. :]
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