Gender: Female
Location: UK
Occupation: Temp
Age: 26
Member Since: September 3, 2005
Answers: 222
Last Update: March 4, 2008
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ok well so i like this guy ok.. n hes a total flirt! he flirts wit all the other girls... even me.. well ive liked him for a LONG time n hes like going out wit someone at the moment... well the thing is i dont WANT to like him i wish i couldnt like him n just be his like best friend n think of him in tht way not in the i love yu way but i just do n i have no clue how to help this situation!! please this is killing me soo much i like him alot but i sone want to like him n hell never go out wit me.. ive tryed n he almost did but then sed hed rather be like bestest friends..
PLEASE HEEEELLLLPP! :'( (link)
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Hi there,
Crushes are addictive - they make life exciting, and give you hope and focus. This is why we let ourselves make the same mistakes over and over again, it is the thrill of the chase, except it is often more of a loiter!
You love them yet you don't even know them
All you can think about is them and what if...
You've planned your whole future
You follow them round like a puppy on your lunch break
You go red whenever you see them
You lose the power of speech and co-ordination in their presence
Butterflies in your stomach
Pounding heart
You stammer/stutter something like "have you got the time?" at them
You imagine hours of conversations with them
How to cope
Try not to tie yourself up in knots about this - you've set yourself up with a fantasy relationship, but that's all. The emotions feeding this fantasy can seem very real, but the advantage is you don't have to deal with the actual person. It's like a sexual encounter without the real-life hassles.
It is fairly unlikely to turn into reality as often crushes are formed on the unobtainable; they may be attached, a famous film star or totally unsuitable. You have to accept that this romance will never exist outside of your own head. Often, just confiding in someone you trust will help you get things in perspective.
If things get too intense try to limit your time spent in their company. In time, you'll get a grip on this fantasy, and see it as a learning experience about some powerful emotions. If anything, it'll work in your favour when it comes to dealing with real life, realistic relationships.
Unobtainable crushes can hurt like hell - the object of your affection may walk past like you don't even exist or, perhaps worse, notice your drooling and laugh about you with all their mates. If this happens, deal with the rejection - treat yourself, see your mates or curl up at home with a DVD of your choice.
On the practical side, try to fill the time you would otherwise spend thinking about your crush. Plan your day. Promise yourself some crush-free time, and set up a reward afterwards. Once you've defined the boundaries, a crush like this can be a positive experience. One that can set you up to deal with the emotional side of future, more realistic relationships.
Goodluck
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