First off: how old are you Alyssa? What year are you in school?

Sorry for the delayed response. I work pretty long hours and by the time I get home I'm totally wiped :) But I really wanted to respond to your question because even though I might not say anything that helps, I know that sometimes for me I feel better just knowing that someone is listening and is at least thinking with me about what's going on.

Okay, if you and Cody were in your twenties or something, I'd say that he sees that you're a person worth being interested in. That he really likes you for who you are, but that there seems to be part of him that's still looking to date around and have adventures and some guys think they can't have adventures when they're "tied to a relationship." [Not all guys think this way! My boyfriend can't wait to marry me so we can have adventures together!! But he's also a lot older than Cody and probably wouldn't have felt the same way when he was in highschool either I'm sure ;)] I'd say that he obviously has feelings for you, but that his preference for doing his own thing is so strong that it's keeping him from seeing what a wonderful girlfriend he could have in you so he's going to keep coming back to you when he needs to feel appreciated, and is going to keep going after other girls when he feels confidant enough to "pursue" adventures of that kind...

I'd say "Alyssa: Next time he's flirting with you, or treating you in any way that's more than how he treats his other female friends, you ask him why he's doing it. Ask him what it is that he wants from you. Force him to think about it, and to say it out loud to your face instead of through friends, before he goes confusing your heart any further. And if he keeps playing that game, let him know you're not interested in playing it. That it's confusing and it's just keeping both of you from pursuing other relationships that could be a lot healhtier and in which you'd know the person you were with really wanted to be with you and wasn't just biding their time until someone else came along that they wanted to "try out." And if he says he wants to be with you, then tell him okay. He's your friend- give him the benefit of the doubt. And the first time he goes back to playing the game of now-we're-together/ now-we're-not, tell him you're not into playing those kinds of games, be strong, and end it for good."

That's what I'd say.

I'd encourage you to be tough, even when he's being super-sweet and his friends are saying that he talks about you and likes you. I'd encourage you to be solid in your words and decisions, even when he invites you over and treats you like his girlfriend. Because he needs to either make the decision to be your boyfriend, or make the decision to just be your friend. But he can't have it both ways at the same time. You're not his toy- you're his friend. And friends treat each other with respect or else-- or else what's the point of having friends? (Bearing in mind that friends last much longer than dating relationships which tend to ruin friendships 9 times out of 10...)

On the other hand, if you and Cody are in your mid-teens...

I'd say "He's clearly too young to be so involved with somebody and shouldn't be dating anybody anyway, let alone dating YOU since you're obviously a bit more aware of other people's feelings when it comes to *liking* and the importance of communication and dealing with friends' emotions when it comes to situations where it's so easy to unintentionally hurt people.

I'd say "Let him keep playing around like young boys do, but make it clear that you don't want to play around with him. That's just so "summer camp melodrama." Let him know you still like him and you'll date him if he's interested, but that if he can't make up his mind and has to date other girls and be hot and cold with you, you'll make the decision for him by moving on.

thanks =) that helps alot. he promised me we'd hang out this weekend .. so i guess we'll see how things go from there .. if we have fun im gonna ask him straight out what he wants from me .. friends or more .. i cant wait forever .. so it either work out and hell say he wants a relationship .. or (given some of his current past) he may just blow me off all togther .. but ill move on i guess .. thanks what u said really helped me think

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