I live in Central Wisconsin. I am married and we have two daughters. In 1997 I earned my degree in psychology from the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point. In my spare time I study psychology and philosophy.
Gender: Male
Location: Stevens Point, WI
Occupation: Phlebotomy Coordinator (Clinical Laboratory)
Age: 35
Member Since: October 19, 2005
Answers: 118
Last Update: January 24, 2010
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Hello there,
I'd like to thank whoever is gonna give me advice in advance.
Anyway, I've always had this problem:
I'm the president of the Student Council, and honestly I expected people, including my friends, to be happy for me.
However, two of my friends ( a boy and a girl), who are also on the Student council, started rumors about me being a show off and reminding the teachers about the homework, eventhough it's not true.
The boy's girlfriend is on the Student Council too, and I wanted to ask for her opinion about something. And as soon as I even opened my mouth, he cut me off! And stupid me didn't say anything! Not "Please man, I'm talking to her", nothing!
And on the same day, we had a "crazy dress up" competition and the Student Council members had to judge.
I was dressed as a gypsy, and was wearing a red shirt, red bandana, and red sandals. So from the beginning of the day, he keeps trying to provoke me: "Is it Valentine's day today or what?"
All I said was "What do you have against me?" and I walked away from him.
And in front of everyone, EVERYONE, he practically yells at me saying: "This crazy dress up must've been your idea!"
I just stared at him and walked away again.
And guess what? The crazy dress up day wasn't my idea! It was the other girl's idea and he would've known if he was even paying attention in the meetings! And guess what else? I didn't say that to him!
So my question is: How can I show this guy, whom I've known for almost 5 years, that he's being immature and is disrespecting me and hurting my feelings? :(
And how can I tell the other girl that I know what she's been saying about me? (link)
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This guy PERCEIVES you as stuck up, and he is trying to cut you down to size. I realize you don't agree with his assessment of you, but you must acknowledge that "perception is reality" and that he will continue to think you are arrogant and continue to take shots at you until you change his mind about you.
One way to change his mind about you is to DELIBERATELY act humble and unassuming. Since you are president of the Student Council, you are in a perfect position to show this guy how humble and unassuming you can be. When the council has an event or a problem to discuss, you should deliberately seek other's ideas first, listen to them carefully, and then give your idea last. If this guy has a good idea, praise his idea during the council meeting (simply, "That's a good idea, [name]," will do nicely). If you don't want to say it during the meeting, then come up to him afterward.
He seems to think you don't take him seriously, or respect his ideas, or some such offence. Whether you do or not doesn't really matter. What matters is his perception of you. I'm willing to bet he will "change his tune" if you change the way you treat/approach him. By doing this you will be developing your leadership skills as well as strengthening your control of the council.
Leadership skill will get you far in the business world, much farther than a degre alone will take you. Now is the time to develop your skill. If you like to read, the first book I recommend to aspiring leaders is John Maxwell's "21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership". Although Maxwell is an ordained minister, his Laws of Leadership are not religious or theological. I am an atheist and I endorse every principle in that book.
I will leave you with this: My favorite Law from Maxwell's book is:
"Power is influence. Nothing more, nothing less."
What it says about your situation is that as long as you don't have this guy on your side, you will have no influence over him, hence no power. And as president, you need to have power (a.k.a. influence) to get things done. Also, so long as he continues to disrespect you publicly, you will continue to lose influence with the rest of your council. You'd better make him change his mind about you soon.
Dr. Chad
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Rating: 5
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Thank you so much Dr. Chad. I will try to find that book. I gotta admit that you read my mind, cause I am working my butt off developing my leadership skills. Problem is, that guy never participates in the meetings. He just sits there, not even pays attention! My plan is to interact with the members more and make them feel important.
Again, thank yu so much for the advice
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