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Location: UK
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Age: 26
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Last Update: March 4, 2008
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heya im angel_sarah23 u probably heard me tlking about my boy friend before well its ex boy friend since the 2nd of this month so 2 weeks on wed, well we broke up because hes a hindu (indian) and like his mum read an email from me and it was about explaining how much i love him and want to be with him, well anyways she read it and got in an argument with him over it and made him choose between her or me well he choose family obviously! but because nothing happened like an argument between me and him its like its not over and my head still says hes my boy friend i have cried over this every night and some how it doesnt add up and i cant get it into my head. we havent spoken probably since and its just hurting so badly! i dont know what to do anymore, ive been to the night doctor because i was crying so much it was making my mum upset and she wanted me to take a sedative as i have been known to cut myself and last christmas i tried to comit suacide! i dont think i can cope without him i havent for these two weeks how will it last forever my feelings for him havent changed at all and i miss being with him so much i love him x x (link)
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Hi There,
It's understandable how hurt, saddened and angered you feel by your boyfriend's decision to break up with you. It's also not surprising how angry you feel towards his family as well. From the sound of it, they were clearly instrumental in the demise of your relationship. You have every right to be deeply hurt and angry.
From what you have said, it sounds like your boyfriend has maintained strong ties to his faith. But what isn't clear is whether you and he ever discussed the role of religion, in his life and in yours, during the time you were together. It's also not clear whether you ever discussed the possibility of your converting, if that's something you want to do, or if it's even a viable option. Perhaps you did and the discussion always ended in an argument, or maybe you both preferred to ignore the subject because it was too painful to deal with. Sometimes, talking about a sensitive topic is too painful to endure, that's why many relationships opt to sweep the problem under the carpet, in the hope it will go away.
The problem is, issues of such importance and magnitude never disappear on their own. They stick around until a solution either handily presents itself (rarely), or the issue is resolved through open and honest communication. In your case, it seems as if you never had the chance to actually hash it out with your boyfriend. His family didn't want him to get serious with a non-Hindu, and he complied.
Without knowing his side of the story, as well as the daily ins-and-outs of your relationship, it's hard to say if the decision to break up with you was painfully forced upon your boyfriend, or whether he simply accepted the situation, agreed a relationship with a non-Hindu was too problematic, and moved on. What is clear, however, is how the break-up is making you feel: angry, hurt and betrayed.
Your feelings are very real, and you will need to work through them, in order to move on with your life.
Finally, it's important to remember that although you love this him and you're devastated about the unfairness of the situation, when it comes to matters pertaining to religion and religious beliefs, logic and fairness are rarely a part of the equation. Your boyfriend is dealing with centuries-old customs; customs that he may not necessarily agree with, but customs he is morally and ethically obliged to follow nevertheless. While that is no consolation to you, it is important for you to realise that the break-up was in no way your fault. There is nothing you could have done differently to save the relationship. In many ways, the situation was out of your control.
If you can, try to get the help you need so that you can emerge from this sad experience a stronger person, with her heart back in one piece. With some hard work and effort you will get through this.
Takecare
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thank you so much bless ya writing all that! we did tlk a bit about it but i was always like no no let's just see how far we got.. this little chat was about 1-2 months ago but i still thought up until the day that we would always be together, guess my dreams have never come true..
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