I live in Central Wisconsin. I am married and we have two daughters. In 1997 I earned my degree in psychology from the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point. In my spare time I study psychology and philosophy.
Gender: Male
Location: Stevens Point, WI
Occupation: Phlebotomy Coordinator (Clinical Laboratory)
Age: 35
Member Since: October 19, 2005
Answers: 118
Last Update: January 24, 2010
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ok, im 13 years old and i have had this boyfriend for about 7 months now. he is having majior family problems and doesnt know how to deal with them anymore. he is one of those people who keep things bottled up inside of him. i told him he could always talk to me about it but i dont think he is comfortable talking to anyone about it. well, he is getting like really depressed and he told me he doesnt know if he can handle it all anymore. he is thinking about running away or killing himself. i told him not to and i pleaed for him not to but i dont think it is getting through to him. he told me that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me but he is REALLY anrgy. i dont know what to say or what to do. he told me if he does anything he'll come to school and say good bye to me and stuff. PLEASE PLEASE help me! im so scared!
-Leah- (link)
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Dear Leah,
Thank you for writing to me.
Let's break it down:
* Your boyfriend has family problems that he reacts to by getting angry.
* He isn't comfortable talking about his problems, so he keeps his anger inside.
* Tired of being angry, he is looking for a way to change his situation.
Your boyfriend gets angry because he doesn't know how to deal with conflict. But he doesn't know how to handle anger, so he bottles it up. Now he can't live with his bottled anger any longer, so he talks about running away or killing himself.
Your boyfriend needs someone who can teach him how to resolve conflict. The anger and thoughts of suicide are consequences of his inability to MAKE SENSE of his family problems; he has no idea how to RESPOND to his family. These skills can be learned, but he needs the right teacher.
You are not that teacher, and neither am I.
My advice: Suggest to your boyfriend that he speak to a school guidance counselor or school psychologist. These people are trained to TEACH people the personal and interpersonal skills they need to be successful in life. If your boyfriend doesn't learn these skills now, he will struggle with anger his whole life.
It's a safe bet that his talk of drastic measures (running away, suicide) is actually a "cry for help". What he really wants is for someone to take his problems seriously and encourage him to get the help he needs.
It's possible he will resist the idea of going to a counselor. He might even get angry with you for suggesting it. Remember that ANGER is how he responds to uncomfortable situations, and he is definitely uncomfortable with the idea of talking about his feelings. Be gentle but persistent.
GENTLE BUT PERSISTENT. He may reject the idea out of habit, but you'll have to convince him that if killing himself is the only other option, perhaps getting counselling isn't such a bad idea.
If you can't convince him to get help, and he continues to talk about suicide, then you OWE IT TO HIM to go to the guidance counselor or school psychologist YOURSELF and tell them EVERYTHING. Suicidal thoughts are often temporary, but suicide is permanent, and tragic. You should be willing to sacrifice your relationship in order to save his life.
If you need any more help, I am here for you. Be strong, Leah, and good luck.
Dr. Chad
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Rating: 5
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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! your the ONLY one who actualy explained it to me in his point of view. thanks again
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