Hey. I recently recovered from depression with my medication. Still comes back sometimes, but im not really cutting any more. Im 15. If you have questions about anything, hell, ask me. I've been thru depression, I've been a cutter, I go to high school. Shoot.
Anyways, more about me... umm my name is alyx, im female...check out my xanga. Some feedback would be nice, not because i really care about any of this rating crap, but just because i want to know if my advice is being read....and if its helpful...or not. If you dont like advice i give you, dont get pissed off at me please. Im just a juvinile delienquent who cant spell, not god. Im not totally useless either.
My interests are philosophy, photography, writing, theology, and animals. My family is more then a little disfunctanal so i know how that feels. I value honesty. Sometimes Im blunt, but i try to help. Im not shocked easily. I definately dont try to be a perfect daughter, person, or anything else. I dont claim to. my morals are.... flexible. I do what i think is right by me. And sometimes im amazed because that ends up being higher then plenty of peoples.
The world would be a better place if everyone would just stop preaching at each other and do something useful like donate some money to homeless kids. Kids would learn better if teachers cared more about teaching and less about controlling everyone. Lying isn't necessarily always a bad thing. Killing someone nearly always is. Its impossible to draw a distinct line between good and bad, actions are not people, dont be cruel to animals. Think before you stick a loaded gun into your pocket. Dont buy your wife a vaccume for her anniversery. Dont feed cows meat, you'll start an epedemic. Like i said, Im not god. Its just called Common Sense, people.
Website: My Xanga
E-mail: evilvodoowitch@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Location: California
Age: 15
AIM: gurlfromthering
Member Since: May 6, 2005
Answers: 20
Last Update: October 22, 2005
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i apologize for this being so long, but i really need to cover important facts so you can help me out on this 1!!Please read very carefully so you understand.
Last year, my bf asked me back out, then in the same sentence told me he had to take another girl to homecoming (as a favor to a friend)(i said no to a guy the year be4 because this same guy and i liked each other, and i didnt want to hurt him)!anyway, I was very hurt and said no. We both cried! He left shortly after, and from that night on, my bf turned into the biggest jerk ever! In less than a week, i found out (months later) he screwed a 14 yr old (he was 17)the 2nd day they hung out. I was so distressed, I didnt want to live! (him and i had a thing for each other since we were in 7th grade, but didnt go out until our soph. year)we had a very physical relationship months later, but not sex! We were totally "IN LOVE" ! Hes been with this now 15 yr old for a year. All he did was brag about what him and her did in the bedroom and say nasty things about me. He was verbally/emotionally abusive towards me. He told me he doesnt like rejection, and thats why he did what he did. He wanted to hurt me so bad, and i pretended it didnt bother me, (but it was killing me inside) 3 months into their relationship, he told me that he loved me and didnt want me to hurt him, he still missed what we had, he dreams about us, thinks about us all the time, and misses crying on me! He even came over 2 times, but i never let on that i still had feelings for him.(he has a gf, why would i, and he screwed her, i just couldnt get that out of my head) I dont talk to him at school, but 1ce in awhile i do online. He never IMs me. Hes not the same with her as he was with me. We loved each other so much, that we cried on each other. He has NEVER cried over her, even when shes broken up with him. He would tell me 50 times a day that he loved me, then we would argue who loved who more. He rarely tells her 1st that he loves her. He will say he loves her when she says it 1st. We were on a field trip and theyre were 5 buses going. We could sit wherever, and i sat on bus 3. He came on shortly and we made eye contact. He sat right behind me. We got off the bus, and we enter the theatre single file into the seats. I ended up sitting right behind him (not by choice) He told his gf that i was stalking him, and that when he sat on the bus behind me he didnt realize it was me until we were half way there. Of course she believed him.(i know youve heard this be4)so i get blamed for everything, He would always put "I LOVE YOU"(then my name)ALWAYS&FOREVER his away messages and profile.(stuff that came from his heart) the stuff he has now about her, comes from his head.Never changes it! Never has it said always&forever with her. Sometimes his away messages say "with s**" and a kissy face, thats it!!! Even after all the shit hes put me through, i still love him! It took me years for my love to grow for him and its a deep love i will never feel for any1 else. I have tons of guy friends, but thats all i see them as, is just a friend! I dont know if i should just let things be, or if i should slowly somehow tell him my feelings for him now after a year. He still wanted me back 3 months after he was with her, but now its been almost a year. Im so confused, but i know deep down inside, i want to spend the rest of my life with him, its just i dont know if things could ever be the same between us again! I want older and wiser people to help me out on this. 18 and older please! Im taking this very seriously, so i dont want stupid advice!! If some1 out there has had something similar, id love to talk! Thanks for you patience and understanding!!! (link)
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Honey, you think that you'll never feel this way about anyone else, but your wrong. its called Love, and it takes a long time to get over, to heal, and to feel whole. But it WILL pass and one day you will fall in love with someone totally sweet and mature, who loves you for everything that you are and will never ever hurt you.
For one thing, this guy seems totally immature and cruel... I can understand that you cant CHOOSE who you fall in love with (you cant) but by being with someone who is verbally/mentally abusive isnt worth it. i know that right now he feels like your whole world, but he's not. You need to know that you deserve so much better, and one day you will have that.
Dont put up with him. Everytime he puts you down he gets something out of it. You need to get out, have fun, flirt with other people, make your highschool years really count. Put him in the past. Block him on your buddylist. Laugh when he insults you. I know its hard, and i know it hurts, but the best way to find happiness is to love yourself before you love anyone else. healthy love is the kind that makes you feel beautiful, intelligent, unique, amazing. Its out there, waiting, it just takes time. If he keeps bothering you maybe you should report him for herassment. There is no reason for him to make you feel badly about yourself. Good luck XoXoXo
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Rating: 5
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Youre right. Its hard because when we were together, he was the sweetest guy. He just turned on me, because i said no to him. I guess he didnt love me enough to work through all that!
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