Q: Am I going about this in the right way? I am 19 and my ex is 18. We were together for almost 3 years and this is what happened:
Ok. I know that I have not wrote in here in a little while, but my heart has not been in the right place to do so. Two days ago (actually less than 48 hours) I found out something about my boyfriend that changed my life forever. I found out that he has been cheating on me for the past four months of our relationship with a girl named Allyson who lives in California and who is 17. They have never met, but I found out that they have been talking on the phone for 4-10 hours a day and sometimes all night long and this has been happening since January. This was the hardest news that I had ever had to hear. Even worse than hearing about 9/11 when it happened, in my opinion. I love Cory with all of my heart and I would have given him everything. I will forever love him and he always said the same. He told me that he loved me and only me. But, now he says that he no longer loves me and that he loves her more than anything he has ever known (including me). He even says that he no longer loves me. How can this be? Does love die this quickly? To know that everything that I ever though was special between us like our future plans, him saying that he loved me more than anything, and all of his promises to never leave me or hurt me in any way has all been said to her now. To me, this makes his words meaningless and therefore our relationship meaningless. I never thought that I could be as hurt as I am now. Yesterday, I went to class and when I got to the steps of the doorway I sat down to talk to my mom and I ended up not attending class and I just sat there and cried my heart out. If he ever loved me, how can this be what he wants and yet not have it bother him. Does this make him a bad person? I will never love someone as pure and as deep as I loved him. The entire world that I knew is now taken from me. So, you ask, what now? Well, currently, they are no longer going to be together and neither are he and I. Allyson and I have been talking and we both decided that this is what is best for him. He don't deserve either one of us and neither one of us is willing to take the blame for this. I Refuse! He blames me, but how can he? Did I do this? Did I ever cheat? Was I deceitful and dishonest? NO! I was never that disrespectful to him to be anything of these things and yet he did this to me. That makes it his fault and not mine or Allyson. Just to clerify, she did know of me, but she was told that he left me four months ago. How is this supposed to make me feel? It is like a slap in the face! I mean nothing to him anymore at all and this all came crashing down on me within a short time. I woke up one morning and didn't even know of Allyson and by 5pm that afternoon, she had entered into MY perfect world and taken it from me. How does someone get over something like this? Right now, she and I have both decided to just walk away. He was even going to lie to me (and did) and say that he was seeing a friend in California named Mike this summer and he was really going to see her. HE WASN'T GOING TO TELL ME! This is the worst part of it all. It is the worst because I realize that everything that I ever loved about him (his morals, his pure heart, his lving words) were all meaningless and untrue if he had the heart to do this. My perfect world is now destroyed and my world came crashing down on me (almost literally). I am so hurt that I am sure that you cannot fully understand this and there are a lot more specifics to it, but it is hard ot talk about. This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to go through. I gave him a decision today (same as Allyson's decision) that was the hardest thing I have ever had to decide to do and then follow up on. She and I have decided to let go. We are walking away from him and let letting him be. I think this is for the best. Well, I think that I have said pretty much all I can. This is why I have not posted in the past few days and I am sorry. I hope you understand. My heart is shaddered into a million and one pieces. Have a great day everyone! I am trying to do the same. I am feeling better now that I have had time to myself to cry and to get to the point of letting go. I think I can only become a stronger person after this and I intend to be. I am now going home for the rest of the summer which means that I am not doing my seocnd summer session. I am not in the state of mind to do so. If you ever want to talk, IM me. I am always here, forever crushed and forever hurt and forever in love with the same person that now stands for everything that I hate in life: lying. Hope you understand!
Am I wrong to feel this way? Does this make me pathetic to be left for someone online? Am I doing something wrong? Am I right to feel this way? I am really confused. Thanks so much!
