29 Male
I met Mary, 20 years old, about 10 months ago. We hit off and started dating. It’s been about 7 months now. Her family life is a complete mess. Her parents divorced a little over a year ago. Now, her mom hardly returns her calls and her dad quickly got re-married and now lives about 2 1/2 hours north of her. With his new life he rarely makes time for her either.
After dating for about 4 months, she visited her doctor. Her stomach was bothering her. The doctor discovered a cyst. She had tests done and that day she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer – stage one.
She refused to have a hysterectomy and started chemotherapy. After 3 weeks of chemo, its stage 3. The doctor tells her it’s terminal. She tells her dad. He asks her not tell anyone on his side of the family. Meanwhile, he never calls her to ask how she’s doing. As far as her mom goes – she hasn’t told her yet.
Three weeks ago, Mary’s doctor said she needed to stop chemo because her organs were swelling as a result of her diabetes. At this point the cancer had stopped spreading. Last week she blew off her doctor’s appointment because she needed to work to make rent. She was scheduled to restart chemo. Mary works full-time on her feet. She smokes and has a glass of wine now and then. None of which her doctor agrees with. So as a result, the cancer has started to spread again.
Watching her suffer has taken a lot out of me. More than half the week she sleeps at my apartment. And on cue in the evening her pains skyrocket. Lying in bed she twists and shakes until she passes out. All I can do is hold her. She wakes up and the pain goes another round or two until she finally falls asleep.
I don’t agree with how she’s handling her sickness. Missing doctor appointments, smoking, and drinking. Just the other day she was planning to go to the beach with friends. I told her she’s not suppose to go in the sun while on chemo; that’s when I found out she missed her doctors appointment earlier that day.
I want to be there for her, but as a friend. I do all I can so that she feels like a beautiful woman. But I might just have to just walk away. I feel like I need to do something to get her to take this illness more seriously. I’m frustrated.
What do you think?
I think that you should talk to Mary. Explain to her how frustrated you are and that you want to be there for her but that you dont know how much longer you can go on with the things being as they are right now. I would also encourage you to convince Mary to call and tell her mom. She needs to know. I think it is really inportant for the mom to know. Talking is really all that you can do at this point. But, please, dont give up. Continue to try to be supportive and loving to Mary. She needs you more than you will ever know. My grandmother died of ovarian cancer even after having the historectomym and what helped her before she passed away was being with family. This is very serious and I hope you can make Mary realize that. Best Of Luck!
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(Rating: 5)
Thank you. I 've been pressing her to tell her mom and she said she'll do it when it feels right. Mother's Day was the last time she visited with her mom and she couldn't drop the bomb then. You know? So I will continue to press on. I will continue to support her in ways that make me comfortable. It's just that sometimes this whole thing feels so much larger than me and I can't help but wonder why we crossed paths. Is it because someone else would've severed the relationship as soon as they discoverd her illness? Never know. But since it's on my watch, like you said, I will not give up on her and will continue to be her rock. Thanks again.
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