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**** I've been gone quite a long time. However I'm still breathing though it's touch and go. Don't expect me to answer or check in much. ****Welcome to the junkdrawer that is my brain! I know something about many things, and I if I don't know it, I admit that I don't know. That I am constantly finding things I know nothing about and correcting that ignorance keeps me busy and happy. More junk for the drawer.
I love and have experience with many types of animals, including the human. I don't offend easy and I am generally cynical and a smart-butt. I love to drive, read, work on the computer and I spend WAY too much time watching Anime and bidding on ebay.
advice
Hi. I'm a fellow Advicenator. I have my own column, if you ask, I could leave you feedback with my username. Although I've always been good at advice...I feel lost right now. Maybe I do know the answer, but I just need to hear it from someone else.
For the past few years...Something hasn't been right with me. I'm tired of not fitting in, I'm tired of always needing to get good grades, I'm tired of people not telling me anything, tired of being ignored, hurt... I'm one of those 4.0+ GPA students. Friends would describe me as hyper. Heck, that's even part of my username. But all this time it's been a cover up of how I really feel. Crying by myself sometimes make me feel better, but time doesn't heal, like they say. Things get worse for me.
This year seemed to work out so well. Until last Friday I realized that this year has all been a lie. A friend told me about something my other friends have been hiding from me. I found out that the people I LOVED, my FRIENDS, were talking trash about my boyfriend and me.
They don't realize that WE HAVE ALL CHANGED. I know I have changed, and I accept that. I accept that they have changed as well. We all want our "old" friends back, but what can we do? I miss them, but I cannot change what has happened between us. My boyfriend has brightened up my life. I thought they would be happy for me. What's funny is THEY were the people that pressured me into saying YES to my boyfriend sooner than I expected. (I don't regret it at all.) I could have gone for months, not giving him an answer. "OMG, say yes already" "Oh, he's a nice guy" I remember lots of quotes, CLEARLY. And now, here they are, talking trash?
My REAL friends are supposed to be there for me. They're supposed to talk to me, even if it's something I don't want to hear. They need to at least try to see things my point of view, and NOT talk trash behind my back. They need to either talk to me about it or keep it to themselves and NOT spread around how I'm such a changed and horrible person.
The only person that is giving me the will to live is my boyfriend. I feel bad he has to see me like this. He tells me he knows how I feel, but he doesn't care because he has me. I'd like to say the same, but honestly, it hurts too much. I love him, but the pain won't go away.
I don't know what to do.
At first I wanted to like yell at my "friends" and go rawr! But then as these few days passed I just wanted to forget. But then I can't forget the pain... I see them every day. I think to myself, maybe if I forget, we can all pretend it never happened because I don't want to ruin things even more. But then I tell myself how could I pretend when something like this has happened? My brain goes back and forth...all the time.
I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. I apologize for the length...I really needed to get that out... Please...I need some wise words.
There are very few true friends in this world. I learned that at a young age and have never forgotten it. Most people you meet and even get close to are no more than aquaintinces. I have one true friend, she has never let me down. Part of the reason is that I know she's human. I recognize her weaknesses and don't try to push her into something that will hurt her. She does the same for me. She accepts and cares about me, as I do for her. Know that you are not alone. Know that no relationship is perfect. Know that sometimes trash is talked out of worry and not malice. Know that often the best intended reasons hurt the one's you love the most. Know that you are important even as you feel left behind or so far ahead you no longer relate to those around you. Know that the growth of a spirit is painful and that this pain teaches compassion. I realize this sounds like a bunch of Zen bullshit, but think about what I've said long and hard. Try to relate what has happened to you with the hard learned truths I've listed here. I wish you peace and love. Grow strong through your pain.
(Rating: 5) Hello...you gave my advice quite a while ago, and I'm finally here to give feedback. lol. The advice every one gave me made me feel a better, and I know I wasn't the only one that went through that situation. Thanks for taking the time to help out a fellow advicenator. I finally had a long talk with my friends last weekend, and all is well. If you'd like more information about it, you could check out my online diary (http://kimmie4ever.diaryland.com/050522_23.html user: guest pass: cheesie) if you like. Thanks again, and I really appreciated your advice.
PS, In case you were wondering, my username here is HyperactiveMiss. In case you weren't...well...nevermind then. heh.