I am a 20 year old female, and I am a great listener. My friends always come to me for advice, and you can too. Ask me whatever you want, I will be happy to try to help you with ANY problem or dilemna. I will do my best to give you a great answer. Whatever you ask, I will never judge or make fun of you - I will be honest and respectful with you, telling you my advice with a kind and rational answer. I have traveled all over, had many unique opportunities and experiences, and have great friends from many different places all over the world. All the traveling has taught me a lot about different kinds of people and I have gained a lot of insight and perspective throughout it all. I'd like to think that some of what I have learned will be helpful to other people, and that I can offer advice that takes into account all that I have come across in my 20 years, both from my experiences and the experiences of those around me. I was also an elite athlete, so I have some experience in fitness/training/health questions as well. Thanks for visiting my column! Have a fantastic day!!
Gender: Female
Location: USA
Occupation: Professional performer, student
Age: 20
Member Since: March 5, 2005
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karenR
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hey ive asked this question awhile ago before.. but I was wondering if you could help.. im having trouble with like finding out who i am.. for some reason im always thinking about what other people are thinking.. and i care about whta they think.. and if i think i did something wrong i wont stop thinking about it.. i think about everything too much! just random things...like little stupid things i will always remember and I dont know why... i dont know what I like.. because im always concerned with what others like... i dont know what to do... i dream alot too.. i have a big imagination.. ive never had a real boyfriend and i always dream about the guy i like having a perfect relationship.. i know everyone does that but i seem to be doing it alot more than normally... sorry if i confused you but could you help me? (link)
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Hi! To start off with, let me say that I think you are on the right path, since you are at least able to recognize what the problem is. That is sometimes the hardest step. This is a sort of a tough question, because only you can be the one to figure out 'who you really are,' but I can try to help point you in the right direction...
From what you wrote, it seems like you focus too much on the past. Try focusing more on what is going on around you right then, instead of events that happened awhile ago. The past is not something you can change, but you can make a difference in what your future is. Try to live 'in the moment,' and try to absorb everything that goes on around you, this might help you refrain from focusing on what people think of you. When you find yourself doing that - thinking about how others regard you, or if people remember a silly mistake you made - try to remember this. How often do you pay attention to your peer's mistakes, and remember them, or think less of them for those mistakes? Probably not very often, or never. The same is true with them! If you make a silly mistake, usually no one even notices! And if they do notice, they don't care, because they make mistakes too.
Now, you also said that you don't know what you like because you base it on what other people like. Try this. Make a list of things that YOU think describe you. Not how you think other people would describe you, I want this to be a list of how YOU think you are, even if its stuff nobody knows about or that you can't seem to be in front of your friends. Maybe you have got a great sense of humor, but are too bashful to use it in a group. Maybe you have great artistic talent, but are too concerned about how others would view your art to truly express yourself that way. Anyways, try making this list. When you finish it, you should have a better idea of what represents you. What are some things you excel at? Sports? Writing? Music? Join a club or extracurricular activity that has to do with those, and you will find yourself amongst people with the same interests as you. I think all you might need is just to find a group of people that you really feel you connect with. Often times, if people hang around with people they are not comfortable with, they find it hard to be themselves for fear of rejection, or teasing. So, they mold themselves into being like the other people in their group, and forsake all the unique things about them that make them so special, and they cover up these things to 'fit in.' Maybe this is similar to your situation, and if that's the case, I encourage you to find friends that you can be yourself around, and who you won't be so concerned about self-image around.
Don't worry about having a 'big imagination.' Thats a great gift! Everyone has dreams, so dream away, just don't get so swept away in dreaming that you can't face reality anymore. I really hoped this helped a little, please leave me a message in my inbox if you ever need someone to talk to, or some more help! Good luck, and I hope you figure things out soon!
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Rating: 5
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your so sweet.. thank you for taking the time to help me
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