Member Since: April 19, 2021
Answers: 179
Last Update: June 27, 2022
Visitors: 7610
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I'm a 24 yr old female in desperate need of advice. I found out this past weekend that I'm pregnant (5 weeks) and I've been stressing ever since. I'm very torn on what decision to make and when I try to outweigh the pros/cons I feel like the best decision would be abortion. I have an almost 3 yr old that I'm trying to be the best mom for, I've struggled with depression since I was pregnant with her and I just feel as though it'd be unfair to have another child when I'm not where I want to be in life. I need emotional and financial stability and splitting myself more would not be ideal. My big hesitation comes from a fear of what ifs and/or regretting my decision. As well as this overwhelming feeling of guilt..probably because I don't really feel I have a someone I can talk to this about that wouldn't be judgmental. I've been trying to think carefully this week but I don't know what to do. I don't want to wait any longer because I know it'll make the decision even harder, I truly feel deep down that abortion would be the best option but I'm struggling to make a final choice. Thank you in advance, any advice is appreciated. (link)
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I am sorry that you are having to deal with such a difficult choice at this time. I would encourage you to contact Planned Parenthood for some free counseling to help you with your decision, and to explore all the available options.
You didn't mention the father, whether he's available, interested in parenting , custody, child support (mandatory!) or not.
I would also encourage you, when this is decided, to explore and to properly use an effective means of birth control. You don't need a third pregnancy at this time in your life.
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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I’m still in high school and super awkward approaching people. I have no problem having a conversation I just get SUPER nervous trying to approach them. I wanna befriend this person I’ve not really talked to, they sit by themselves during lunch. I’ve went up to talk to them before but got nervous and ended up ranting about something stupid. I wanna go up to them, and im too Nervous and I’m wondering if asking to draw them will Help me make friends with them. Thanks (link)
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I can understand your shyness and hesitation. Its not always that easy to approach a new person. But here's one way to consider: introduce yourself, give your name, and say you are an artist (you are!) Ask permission to take their picture. Tell them that you will use it to make a drawing, and will return both to them after it is done. This will allow the other person to assess whether its "okay" or not, to decide if they're comfortable doing this, and give you a chance to start a friendship.
Many years ago, someone drew me from the back, while sitting in a classroom, at college. (Should have been paying attention to the teacher!) He drew a beautiful sketch of my then very long hair. I wish I had that drawing now!
Good wishes, good luck! ~ Dr. Stephanie
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Hi everyone. I'm pretty sure that my neighbor "Melissa" overheard me talking about her, and now I feel bad about it. Ever since I moved here she's been asking me to do favors for her at least twice a week. It would be anything from helping her carry boxes up the stairs to doing paperwork for her job. She's not elderly or anything so I don't know why she can't do it herself. The other thing is that she doesn't care what time it is or what I'm doing, if she asks me for help she expects me to come right now. And if I don't she'll keep calling me everyday until I do it, and she'll get angry if I say no. I finally got fed up and so I called one of my friends because I just needed to vent. I was so angry. I told her that Melissa's so annoying and that I wish she would leave me alone. I said that she keeps forcing me to do stupid favors for her, and that I don't know what's wrong with her because she'll call me anytime at night. So after I got off the phone I noticed that my window was open, and I knew that Melissa was home that day. I think she heard me because she's been acting funny ever since then. She hasn't called me in over a month, which is unlike her. And she usually likes to leave her apartment door open, but now whenever she sees me walking by she'll slam the door shut. It's really awkward because we're still neighbors so I don't want her to hate me. Should I apologize? I feel bad about what I said, but at the same time I'm so happy that she finally stopped bothering me. What should I do? (link)
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I love "Dragonfly"'s answer to you, it says it all !
This is a situation in which firm boundaries need to be made plainly clear, and so far, you are getting what you really wanted in any case.
This reminds me of a wonderful childrens' book by Dr. Seuss, called "Thidwick, the Big Hearted Moose", that's you ! He just couldn't bring himself to say know, when all the other creatures kept taking advantage of him. But read and heed how he manged, finally, to resolve the entire situation for the better!
Your neighbor isn't mentally healthy or independent. Also, she's a user, who takes advantage of others .But you will never get your message fully across or be free of her, (if this hasn't already occurred), unless you firmly stand your ground and learn how to say ,politely, but with absolute conviction, where you boundaries are. The watchword is..."No!"
So, go for it! Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie !
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Is it possible that my ex thinks of me at all? We were friends for 6 months and then dated for another 8 months. While not the longest relationship...they were formative years. we were eachothers firsts and we were both mid-college. We are both married now with families but a few times a year she pops in my head and I can't get her out. We are facebook friends but outside of saying Happy Birthday, there is no contact. Do I just keep trying to forget? (link)
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My answer to you would depend upon just how you are remembering and thinking about her. If its with fondness, even heart warming thumps, so be it. What a lovely thing.
But if its more...? Such as, you would like to imagine having an affair with her, etc.? Then, its spelling "Trouble in River City".
How is the state of your marriage? Is this simply a piece of your cherished history? Or, are you missing something with your present spouse, difficulties resolving issues, a lack of compatibility, marriage being different from the dating experience, etc.
If its anything like this, you need to face and deal with whatever is upsetting or unfulfilling, that might lead you to focus more upon your old romance. Fix it. Or......then, consider your alternative options.
If this isn't the case, if you aren't obsessing about your first love, okay, life happens. Remember her fondly,even romantically; but then, let the rest go. If you are "Facebook friends", this might keep the pot stirred up and that isn't a good thing.
But if you are obsessing and "cannot forget" her, if you are unhappy in your marriage (?), perhaps its time to reassess what you want and even to act upon it.
Unless your former girlfriend is in the same position, you would do best to leave her alone, for both your sakes, as well as all the other family members concerned on both sides. Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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I have been dating this man for 7 months now. But it doesn’t feel like that long because we don’t see each other very often. About once a week throughout this whole time. He told me that his intentions with me are to be in a relationship. He also told me I’m his favorite woman out of everyone he’s dating and he does special things for me and no one else, the other women are just sex.
My problem is not that he’s with other women. My problem is that i feel like he doesn’t like me as much as i like him. I’m afraid “I love you” will slip out of my mouth before he says it to me. And i will feel like i care the most. Which has always hurt me in the past, and those relationships have ended because I’ve become clingy and just too involved in those relationships.
I’ve been doing it different with him though, i allow him to initiate all the dates and all the conversations. I haven’t been very good at allowing him to address any issues between us because he’s a very easy going guy and not many things bother him. So i find myself bringing it up when i need something to change. (I don’t like it because he gives me the impression that he doesn’t care. If there’s really nothing to say to me) I’ve already asked him “where is this going” and “what if we were exclusive” and he’s given me the impression both times that he’s in no rush. But he also doesn’t want to lose me.. and this rubs me the wrong way because it doesn’t feel like he would really care if he lost me.
He says he does things for/with me that he doesn’t do with anyone else; he bought me a diamond bolo bracelet, matching robes for us, took me on 2 vacations to the Poconos, has paid for every date and almost every meal so far with little to no complaints, he has come to visit me at work twice. But only because i asked him to. he has listened to me and remembered my orders or my favorite places to go and makes sure i have the food or the dates just the way i like them.
Yet still i feel like he may be putting on an act. I only see him like 1 time a week. He maybe has the capacity to put on a front once a week for me and go back to being himself for the rest of the week. I don’t know. I’ve mentioned to him that i would like to see him more often but he has told me he has a lot going on and his schedule is mostly him at work. When he’s not at work he goes to this secret society club, spends time with his family and friends, and, you guessed it, with other women. So he doesn’t even text me or call me unless he’s setting up the next date with me. I don’t know if i should start seeing other men myself and take the pressure off of him, or just cut it off. He hasn’t lied to me or otherwise mistreated me so it’s very conflicting.
We are not in a relationship. We are not even exclusive. This feels more like prolonged friends with benefits with a vague relationship future, maybe maybe not. I’m 23 he is 29. He has his own place and when we see each other i always drive to him. (link)
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Hi. The first thing that strikes me...is that you are willing to share him with other women, with whom he is also having sex. Is this really okay with you? There are normally emotional issues about such an arrangement, plus health considerations, e.g., std's, covid exposure. And then, there's always the possibility of pregnancy. What do you think he would do, if you did become pregnant? I know....
He initiates all contact? What would happen, if you were to invite him to do anything? Would it conflict with his other dating habits? Seems to me you are getting short changed, and are overly accommodating to his control.
Hon, this is a classic situation of him having his cake and eating it too. So of course, he's in "no rush"! You are simply part of his harem.
He is buying you with favors, gifts, trips, etc., being kind and attentive, but on his schedule. This isn't love, if that's what you're looking for. If you're content to be a "friend with benefits", so be it. But I find such relationships are often sorely lacking, especially for women, who end up feeling empty, depressed, and that, quite rightly, a lot is missing .
He's a nice friend with benefits, mostly for him, but that's all. As to where this is going, its quite likely to remain the same. Unless you decide you seek more. As long as you remain with him, you are preventing yourself from finding and developing a more meaningful relationship with someone else.
So, hon, what do YOU want?!
Good luck and good wishes,
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I'm 15 and a sophomore in high school, and this whole time, I felt like the pandemic never really affected me this entire time, but recently I saw a video and in that video a Chinese woman, like me, was saying how she was actually really depressed in high school and never realized, and it made me think. After a few months of the pandemic, I think, is when it really started. I never want to get out of bed in the mornings, but I don't want to go to sleep at night. I stay up really late because I don't want to wake up the next day. I don't want to play tennis or practice the piano or hang out with my best friend. I didn't really keep in contact with any of my school friends except for my best friend who lives down the street. She sometimes drags me out for walks and I enjoy them when I'm on them, but I never want to go. I spend pretty much all day in my room telling my parents that I have a ton of schoolwork, which I have a lot of, but not that much. They don't notice anyways. But I don't want to study or do homework, and even though I've never really like school, I've never had a problem forcing myself to do the work and study before because it mattered to me. I think my grades still matter to me, and on some level, I realize that my future is important, but I just can't bring myself to care anymore. I thought it was just procrastination, but when I think about what will happen if I don't keep my grades up, I don't feel much of anything like I used to. I've always fought with my mom a lot and we never see eye to eye, and my relationship with my brother isn't all that good, but it feels like the slightest thing they do annoys me. Even my tennis coach and my dad have begun to bother me, and I've always been close to them. I'm not failing any classes, but I've been struggling in Algebra II Honors and my teacher recommended me for a lower level next year but I still don't feel anything! I'm disappointed, but if it was a few years ago or heck, even last year, I would have been crushed. I cried from failing one test last year, and I don't feel anything now about a couple of failed tests or low grades, just a passing though of oh, I'll make it up next time. And wow, writing it all out makes it sound really serious but here's the thing. I don't FEEL depressed. My dad still makes me laugh. I still enjoy the little amount of time I spend with my best friend. I still enjoy reading and watching my favorite shows. I enjoy tennis although I can never make myself feel excited to go. I've always hated piano even though I've been taking it for 11 years now, so that's not anything new. I'm also fairly sure that my period is starting soon, so this might just be a huge hormone-induced, emotional rant, but I honestly have no idea. Am I actually depressed? I know I'm not suicidal- I hate pain and I'm kind of terrified of it, actually, but am I right in thinking suicidal and depressed are two separate issues? I feel like I'm overreacting. My parents would probably tell me I'm overreacting. But we've been doing all this stuff about racism against Asians and the pressure that's put on them and I just wanted a second opinion. Whoever reads this and responds, thanks for taking the time out of your day to help some stranger who might not even know what she's talking about. (link)
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Hi there. I'm sorry that you are feeling so low down. While you could be depressed, what you're feeling is more likely described as "anhedonia", or without pleasure. It can be related to depression, or have a number of other possible causes. I'm glad you aren't feeling suicidal, that's good !
There are some possible clues as to why you might be experiencing this lack of interest or pleasure, but its unclear: you don't get along with your mother all that well, which could be another completely different issue. You cite the beginning of the pandemic as the start of your lack of feelings or interest in things, and I do think many of us are experiencing something similar, due to the restrictions we all have to face right now.
You sound like a "good girl", one who has many accomplishments, and a great future! But not all of your activities are of your own choosing, and this, too, may be related in part.
Whatever is causing this, I'd recommend that you speak to your parents about seeing a licensed , professional counselor for a more conclusive diagnostic impression and recommendations.
I would not discount what you are experiencing, either as "over -reacting, or anything else. This is a real situation and bears recognition and some active planned intervention. If you are afraid your parents won't take you seriously, if you ask for help, share this with them. Tell them that I have been a licensed clinical social worker,diplomate, have a ph.d. in psychology, and was in counseling practice for over thirty years. That should carry some weight !
Good luck to you, I hope you feel much better, and soon! (Try to do something to lighten your mood, at least every day, something you, yourself would choose to do. If it were I, it would mean spending time with my cat!) ~ Dr. Stephanie
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I’ve been talking to a guy for 8 months now. I haven’t met him in real life yet. At first, I was mutually interested in him up until I saw him interacting w/ other girls (through social media). I asked him about this, his response was “I only talk to them for a max 1 month”, followed by “you’re the only girl I’m serious about/want to spend my life with. And, "You’re the only girl who could break my heart, if you leave me I’ll be devastated”.
He drops the L bomb very frequently. Which didn’t make sense to me. He’s always texting me, & would often times ask me if I was talking to someone new if I had replied too late, to which I told him I wasn’t. His response would be “No.. it’s fine if you are. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I can handle emotional pain.” However, he would still giving me a hard time if I simply interact w/ a guy online in a platonic manner. He would say, “I have high expectations of you.”
Okay, i’m not quite sure if this was suspicious, but I’ll this anyway in case anyone thinks it is & wants to inform me. But he would ask me what I did the whole day, if I ate, what did I eat, what I was doing. I always took this as a simple act of care & didn’t put too much thought behind it. But now it seems like it could’ve been a masqueraded as one. I’m not sure though.
Then, he would check who I was following on social media, & if I had an interaction w/ another conventionally attractive male, he would have a strong visceral reaction & inquire me ab it in a passive aggressive way, threatening to stop talking to me b/c he thought I didn’t care ab him. He constantly “jokes” ab us having kids, getting married, meeting his parents, he would say “tell your mom I said hi.” and yeah, it made me uncomfortable.
(Side note: I think he wants to me “wait” for him to stop playing around w/ other girls, stating that he’ll naturally “change” once he’s in his later 20’s & wants to settle down.”)
I want to know how to get him off my back permanently. He wants to meet me in person, but I’m holding it off b/c I don’t want to continue this relationship. How do I do it w/o it having be suspicious or too abrupt? (link)
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Honey, stop worrying about being "too abrupt" or creating "suspicion" ! This boy (how old is he?), is not going to get the message unless you are firmly clear and state in no uncertain terms that you are done with him, no negotiation or explanations are needed after that. And if you do continue to engage, it will only prolong things.
He sounds controlling, immature , unrealistic. Many problems are suggested. He doesn't want you to have other relationships, while its fine for him to do the same. And, he's never even met you in person ? !!
He is obsessive and contacting you way TOO MUCH , about EVERYTHING! This person, regardless of his age or even his maturity level, is not normal!
I strongly recommend that you quickly inform him that you are done, 100% and have moved on. Do not answer him after that, do not respond to any comments he may make on line. He may not get the message , at first, he may even redouble his efforts to get you to respond and change your mind! But if you stick to your guns and don't reply, he will have to accept things, sooner or later! You need to be free of him, NOW. Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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My bestfriend left in 10th grade and I got into a group of friends it was fine for a while until I felt like I was getting more and more picked on. From getting my head pushed, grabbing my shoes and I ran after them with my socks wet, grabbing my phone and texting people without my permission, always being the target and more. Now I am in 12 grade and am so happy that we are staying home cause in 11th grade I would have mental breakdowns every week cause I felt so lost and stuck cause the person who was the key to all of this knew I have social anxiety and cant just up and leave to a different friend group so I felt like this person was taking advantage of that. I told myself that I would wait until graduation and cut them off but now I feel fake...and I feel fake to myself cause every time this person wants to talk to me I really really don't want to cause I know this person is going to try to find anything to pick on me about. And yet I force myself to respond cause I'm scared of the possibility that to we might go back to school in May and I really don't want drama I just want to leave this friendship. I am especially nervous if we do go back in May cause I don't know what this person is going to do. This person is very impulsive and might lash out and that the last thing I want. This person recently started to comment more on my story's and Instagram photo I believe he/she knows I am getting distant. Like today he/she messaged me saying how its almost my birthday. Once I saw that message my anxiety increased so much and I was about to breakdown. And the thing is, is that every time this person would be nice to me like once in a while I would rethink everything which has really took a toll on my mental health. I keep debating with myself. On one hand I really don't want to respond and want to end and I feel fake and cause I told myself I will never again put myself in that situation again but on the other hand I'm like just wait until graduation and you never have to see this person ever again. Idk..Idk..I feel so lost and suck please I need advice! (link)
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I am so sorry that you are having to endure this, on top of having "social anxiety".Have you ever been in counseling? I'll bet it could help with the anxiety, as well as give you many useful coping tips. You might ask your parents about arranging this for you.
Bullying is never acceptable, in ANY form ! If it is happening at school, your teachers and counselors and the principal need to know about it and to take appropriate steps to curb it. They WILL !
The old saying goes..."With friends like this, who needs enemies?!" You do need some other friends, so you can leave these awful ones behind. They're really NOT your friends. Even ONE good friend is all you really need, to get through the rest of high school ! When you get ready, you can dump the rest of these jerks like hot potatoes!
So: Tell your parents, tell the adults at school.
Ask for counseling. Find one good new friend! You will get through this, and come out alive on the other end, just fine! Good wishes, good luck! ~Dr. Stephanie
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My mom just died and plans are underway for a church service for her. Given the corona virus, I can't say that I'm too keen on hanging out with a bunch of people in a church. I would imagine that there's be lots of crying and hugging involved. I also live with an old man that will certainly die if I catch it and end up giving it to him. I smoke a lot, so I might die myself. Also, I'm an empath and can absorb other people's emotions and feel them as my own. This is already very painful for me and that's just MY emotions. Let alone also feeling the emotions of others. Which can be overwhelming. I don't really know how tough I can be. But I really don't want to be in that environment. Not going I feel would be disrespectful to my mom. But then there's a lot of reasons not to go. I'd feel bad about not going, but I'd also be very anxious and uncomfortable cause of the virus and I'm not sure how much emotion I can handle. So I guess my question is, should I just go and risk the virus and the emotions? or just mourn her from home?
(link)
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What would your mother have wanted for you? My guess is that she would prefer that you didn't expose yourself or your "old man" to the pandemic and risk your own possible death.
There are many other ways to show your respect and love for her, including making a donation in her name, carrying on something she did that would have pleased her, writing something that might be read at the funeral, making a short video to be screened, and more.
Many people have been reluctant to attend any sort of gatherings right now, because of the pandemic, and you most likely wouldn't be the only one not to be there.
You don't want to go for multiple reasons, so I encourage you and support you in not going. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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My soon to be 13 year old granddaughter who I had a very close relationship, has in the last months not returned my text messages and seems to not want to spend time with me. Her father, my son, says she is into her friends and phone, which I totally understand, but totally shutting me out of her life is hurtful. What should I do? (link)
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ITs her age, isn't it. She probably is doing just what her father described, being more into her friends and avoiding adults. That's so normal for her age ! Do not take it personally, therefore. As the poem says, "leave her alone, and she'll come home, wagging her tail behind her!" Eventually, she'll welcome you back into her life on some level, perhaps not as she once did when she was a child. And you should take that extra time and energy and apply it elsewhere, rather that dwelling on hurt feelings and loss. Volunteer with other children,if you like ! Good luck and good wishes, time's a-wasting! ~Dr. Stephanie
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Hi,
I'm 25 years old, and I was raised catholic my entire life. I do not consider myself to be practicing, and i've struggled with my faith in the religion for a very long time now. But the thing is, I only went to church just to please my mom... I've tried telling her many times that I don't want to lie anymore and be dishonest in a church but she just doesn't seem to get it. I respect her religious views and i just wish she would respect my choices but she's doesn't get it. I feel like she's basing my humanity on my faith. Despite there being many good qualities to me, she doesn't see that at all and to her being religious trumps everything. Her not accepting me for who i am has hurt me, and me not being religious has hurt her too. she's also threatened me that she wouldn't go to my own wedding if it isn't in a church. I just feel suffocated and the only way for everyone to get along is for me to follow her ways and suffer behind curtains. Has anyone ever experienced this, or has any advice on this matter? (link)
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You have tried all kinds of things to communicate with her and to get her to respect your preferences, without success. There's not much use in continuing to try getting water from a dry well, as they say!
Which is more important to you: getting married in the place and style you prefer; or, having your mother attend, which means church. It should be your choice, in any case, rather than hers.
You are old enough to make your own choices , live your own preferred life style, and this, I encourage you to do. One more word: the less you discuss this with her, at this point, the less you will hear back from her. You can still love her, and show her that you do...but you do need to set some firm boundaries with her on the subject.
Good luck and good wishes! Dr. Stephanie
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Hello. I am 17 and a female. I'm reaching a point where I do not know what to do in this friendship that I'm in anymore. She is 18. I dread seeing her everyday. It's a long distance friendship, so it would be quite easy to break off. She's very clingy and possessive, while I am distant and need time alone.
I have known her for around 3 years. She will say things like, "I get out of bed for you", or, "you will never find a friend like me again." She has attempted for those 3 years to get me to be in a serious relationship with her even though I am obviously uncomfortable and decline her advances. I am not interested in the same gender, and I am not interested in her either. She also needs constant reassurance that I don't hate her. I'm reaching a point of no return and I do not want anything to do with her anymore. I don't hate her, I like her. I just tend to have more bad times than good times. If anybody could give me their opinion on this, I would be very grateful. (link)
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I am a strong believer in self preservation as a top priority. This relationship is not healthy, not good for you in multiple ways. You already know that you don't want to continue it, so what is holding you back from breaking away? If you are feeling obligated or guilty, consider , again, that your primary obligation, here, should be to yourself. Your clingy and possessive friend will , in time, find someone else to lean upon , as people like this always do. Since you are long distance, I'm assuming that your contacts are electronic, and therefore easier to end. Do it. She will be hurt, angry, resentful, etc. She may try to convince you otherwise.She may even threaten you, or to harm herself, if she is that disturbed. If you can stick to your guns, avoid getting involved in lengthy explanations or defending yourself or rebutting her attempts to change your mind, you'll be best off. Be brief, be courteous, be completely clear that you have moved on, no particular explanations needed, especially if they lead to endless re-engagement. Then, make a full and complete break. You may have to take steps to avoid further electronic communications, e.g., changing your contact info, but that's what one has to do these days, if needed. So! Good luck, stick to your plan, be quick and firm, and good wishes, now on with your life ! ~Dr. Stephanie
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I am a 40 something year old female, recently divorced. I met a married man through work. I did not work with him but he worked for a vendor we bought supplies from. We became friends and he told me about his family and I knew he was married with children at home. I’m not sure how it happened but our friendship turned into a flirting relationship. He started texting only during the day and never on the weekends. We begin exchanging photos and even Sexting and before long hurting turn into a physical relationship. I never had any expectation of him to leave his wife and we really never discussed her. He is six years younger than me and I’m recently divorced so for me, this was just a good time. The affair lasted about nine months and I went on vacation from work. My very first day of vacation, he called me to tell me that he had been questioned at work about me because my employer had installed cameras in my office and we were caught on camera. He denied all of it and I told him not to worry about it that if that really happened and they really had us on video, I would protect him in anyway I could. I know What he is doing is wrong but I have never met a nicer person in my life and the last thing I want or would want is for him to they have any kind of fall out. He was extremely nervous and was afraid he would lose everything… His family, his job, and his home. When I got back from vacation, I was called into the office and was fired. I know this was the reason even though I was not questioned about this affair. I was just “let go.” A few days later, the owner of the company questioned me and I protected my affair partner. He tried to call me twice 8 days ago but I didn’t answer...I really didn’t know what to say. 6 days ago I emailed him but have not heard anything back from him. I know he still has his job so his employer believes him and I’m fine with that. I guess I just don’t know if I should text him or email him to ask how he’s doing because I genuinely want to know or if I should just cut my losses and try to get him out of my mind. It was supposed to be fun and games but I realized I developed real feelings for him and I’m a little hurt that he hasn’t called again to see if I was ok or to tell me thank you for doing what I could to protect him. I don’t know if he got my email and I avoided his call last week So I don’t know if that’s why I haven’t heard from him. He became a great friend to me and I am used to talking and texting him all day every day during the week. I missed that tremendously and really want to reach out to him but don’t want to look even more stupid. I’d really prefer advice from a married man who has cheated before or is cheating now or advice from someone who has or still is the other woman in a relationship. Please help me because I am at a loss of what to do. I know what we did was wrong and I’m sure most people would tell me that all of this is what I deserve. I don’t care about that. Regardless of being right or wrong he’s a real feelings I have for this man, real respect, and I really, really miss him. Please help! (link)
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So what are you trying to figure out: whether to contact him again, or not? I say NO. If neither of you have any regard for the bonds and committments of marriage (apparently), at least know that :
*sooner or later, any affair is bound to be discovered, and yours will be , too. The man that you think so highly of is willing to lie and to cheat, and to hurt others. This isn't okay, in my book. And you are willing to be part of that.
*you have learned, the hard way, not to mix your social life and the workplace. You lost your job over it. Your "affair partner" is probably about to learn much the same. It seems that his boss is on to him already, so I'd expect his days are numbered there. Another blow to his family , in which you were a willing participant.
Another thing to think about, while you are "just having fun and games with Mr. Wonderful: a person who is willing to lie and cheat to be with you will also be as willing to lie and cheat ON you !
*There are many more issues I could bring up, but I'll stick to just one more: you are short changing yourself. You cannot hope to pursue a "real" or lasting relatinship with him, since he's not fully available to you. And any emotional energy, any time you spend in his direction will prevent you from seeking someone else with whom you could develop a lasting and meanful and fulfilling relationship.
So,I urge you to take the "real feelings" you have for this man, whom you "respect" , though he doesn't deserve it, and move on. Good luck.
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I need to know if my marriage is binding. My hubby used his non-legal Ca Drivers license to show proof of ID when we got married in 1997. When I tried getting a copy of our marriage certificate there wasn't any. Under both our names, there isn't any work tax or driving records under my hubby's non-legal biological name only under his adoptive last name. The judge took that from him for his 6th felony DUI and so got a new license, which after DMV finally figured it out after 26 yrs suspended that as well (link)
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For any legal issues, I always encourage people to check the laws where they live and to consult an attorney. I am concerned, however, that you appear to be with someone who is an alcoholic. Since he chooses to repeatedly drive while under the influence, I would most definitely NOT get in a car with him behind the wheel! Ever !
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I'm 27/f. I feel like my boss is nit-picking at everything I do. I started working at a store about a month ago, and this is not my first job in retail. I worked in another store for about 5 years, and then I took some time off when I had a baby. Then right after that the pandemic hit, and I wasn't able to return to my old job. It took a while to find a new job, and I'm grateful that I did. But I noticed that my boss is especially hard on me because he said I have a lot of experience. For example, some of the other workers still don't know where some of the products are even though they've been working there for years, but yet he yelled at me just after one week because I couldn't find something. I tried not to take it personally, but then one day he yelled at me in front of my co-workers and the customers just because I asked him a question about the register. It was embarrassing and I really don't think I deserved that. I've been out of work for two years so I'm doing my best, and the register here is very different from what I'm used to. When I asked about my performance he said that I'm doing very well and he has no problem with me, but then if I make one little mistake he gets an attitude and makes me feel like I'm stupid. I wasn't sure if he realized he was doing this, so I told him that the way he talks to me sometimes sounds very harsh, and that I'm doing my best to learn things as fast as I can. He said I'm being too sensitive and that if I don't like it I can leave. I don't know what to do. It seems like he has two personalities sometimes. I'm starting to dread going to work because I'm worried that I might do something wrong again. I feel anxious and I haven't been able to sleep the past few nights. Should I quit and try to find another job? (link)
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This is not the job for you. Whatever his issues are, your boss is not going to change and he must be terribly uncomfortable to work for.
Don't blame yourself in any way. If I were you, I'd try to keep the job, if you need one , but continue to job hunt until you find a better replacement.
Keep in mind that it isn't only the income you'll need, but that people appear more employable when they're already working.
Good luck!
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For me, I've always had issues from telling crushes apart from just idk appreciating someone? Well a few months ago It turned out a friend, which I've known for a few years at this point and had an "I like her, no I don't" mentality about her, that she liked me and a close friend pushed me to try it out, so we did. It was very awkward and it turned out I didn't like her so I stopped it after a few weeks. (Bearing in mind the furthest we went was holding hands.) But now she constantly texts me things like "are you okay" if I don't reply to the group chat for a little bit, then will rant to my other friend about me ignoring her when I only reply with "yes I'm fine". Which was whatever- I pictured it as she was going through it and was just an emotional person. However, today I'm just kind of lost. She texted me 7 messages this morning (3 paragraphs) which I didn't reply straight away because I woke up and tbh how do you reply to a wall of text in the morning. When I finally read the text is was saying about how I fucked her up and I'm one of her issues and she wants to speak to me in person about it. I'll be straight, I'm not good with people are their emotions- I just sort of close up when it comes to comforting. Also, I don't really feel comfortable with her at the moment just one on one. For example, I was hanging out with her and a few others (sorry covid✌ ) and when it was time to go home me and her would usually walk together but today I got a lift because I didn't want to walk with her and she ended up having a breakdown over it. I feel like I'm kind of selfish right now. but I really don't think I'm the right person to be near her with only the 2 of us or to be speaking to her about a 3-week relationship. sorry for the spam. I really don't understand how this website works.
tldr: I and a girl used to date for a few weeks, we broke up but she keeps texting me about her mental health and I don't know how to
respond. (link)
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The girl in question appears to have significant emotional issues and its wise of you not to continue involvement with her. She didn't get the message, however. Indeed, it appears you are being "electronically stalked" by her. If there is any way to eliminate all further contact, I'd advise you to do so. She sounds unstable, unpredictable, and at minimum, someone to avoid.
The best way to get someone to stop contacting you, other than electronic means, is to not answer them at all. Sooner or later, hopefully, she'll get the message and discontinue.
You may also need to discontinue any groups which include her.
My best direction , for you, is to make your own well being and health your top priority, let this one go by the wayside. Good luck!
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I'm an 18 year old guy and I'm from India. I have been talking to a girl since a month and a half. We like each other but we want to meet to make sure if we want to be totally serious and date. So should go for a kiss on our first date itself or not? If it's a yes, then how should I go for it? If it's a no, then how do I deal with it? I don't want to force her though. I need your advice on this one. (link)
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First, I congratulate and admire you for thinking to ask about this. As long as you aren't pushing yourself on her, I think its fine to just follow your interest in kissing her, provided she's willing. So , one good way to find out, is simply to ask her. I believe that physical attraction is almost essential in dating relationships, and as long as your courteous and respectful, and as long as she is also interested, please follow your instincts and enjoy yourselves. Good wishes, and do remember to consider the safety measures recommended during the covid pandemic. This, alone, just might make you want to postpone getting that close!
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I’m 22 years old and live with my parents (for now). My father constantly torments me. He’ll say I’m worthless, good for nothing and a parasite. He’ll comments things like “you’re not normal” if I make a tiny mistake like drop something or bump into something, making me feel even worse about it. He dehumanizes me often times referring me as an “it”.
My mom often times takes his side, stating he just “cares about me” and “wants me to do something good with my life.”. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t want this man to keep affecting me emotionally anymore, and no matter how hard I try to ignore him, he’ll still make comments.
I also don’t want to feel like his words are true, but it’s hard. I don’t know what to do.. (link)
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Now that you are the ripe old age of 22, isn't it time for you to be living on your own, in any case? This is a toxic environment and surely, one that you might be glad to leave .
Take stock of your resources and abilities. You'll need money, a job, or some other means of support, such as scholarship, education loan, or even joining the military.
You could become a live in caretaker for children or the elderly; or, an apartment manager, in exchange for free rent and possibly a salary as well.
Almost anything would perhaps be better than the living circumstances you are currently in.
Your mother is in denial and wanting just to keep the peace. Your father is mentally unbalanced and cruel. Time for you to go! Good luck, good wishes, and...Bon Voyage!
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Can my grandmother eventually be forced into a nursing home?
Grandma is 87 years old & can NOT take care of herself. My aunt and my cousins are taking advantage of her. They steal her money. My grandma constantly falls, can barely get up and can’t fix her own food. They say her balance is off. The doctors say she is not safe at home bc she’s falling.
My Aunt and cousins do not want her in a nursing home. They don’t care about her and they steal her money. One of them actually hit her before. My grandmother goes along with whatever they say and doesn’t believe she’s being abused.
My mom and other family members work so no one can watch her 24/7. My mom & others have offered my grandma to move in with them, but grandma refuses. She also refuses to get a home health aide.
My Aunt and cousins don’t want her to get help because that means they won’t have access to her money. My aunt lives with her and also does drugs.
I’m also worried about her going into a nursing because of COVID. People also get worse in nursing homes. They told us that my grandma needs 4 hours of physical therapy, but told us if she were to go into a nursing home, she’d get 30 minutes or none of exercise. My grandma doesn’t want to live with us or anybody else.
My mom & others don’t want to fight my aunt and her children because it will be too much financially and emotionally affecting everyone. My grandma goes along with whatever her abusers want. She barely eats. Her house is a mess. What else is there to do? Can she be forced into a nursing home?
(link)
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Your grandmother is a victim of elder abuse, which is a crime. You can contact the senior service agency in your community and/or report it to the police. If your grandmother is in need of care and refuses it, she can be made a ward of the court or someone else can become her legal guardian, make decisions on her behalf, but it has to go through a legal process and usually involves the signatures of two physicians.
Although you are rightly concerned about covid in nursing homes, your grandmother sounds as if she is already in a dire situation , both because of her need for care and the exploitation/abuse she is suffering . Many care facilities are now taking much better precautions, including requiring vaccinations for covid.
Do NOT let this go ! Her very life may depend upon someone taking action to help her. Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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