Hi, my name is Charlotte, and I'm a 25 year old, college graduate. I really enjoy helping people out with anything I can because I know we've all got questions that need answers! I'm available anytime for your questions, and if you need any other kind of help, pick-me-ups or just a little understanding, I have a blog:
http://shrinkingmentals.blogspot.com/
Check it out or direct your questions to me and I'll do my best to help shed a lil light!
-Charlotte
Website: Therapy For Free: Because Shrinks Cost Too Much
E-mail: such.sweet.decorum@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: The United States of America
Age: 25
Member Since: December 17, 2009
Answers: 44
Last Update: January 12, 2010
Visitors: 3793
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I am 15 years old. my ex boyfriend is 17.
1. when we first got together about half a year ago he was infatuated with me. he said he didn't want to lose me. i know he was sincere.
2. after a while things started to deteriorate but i was falling for him hard
3. neither of us broke up with each other it just fell apart but straight after we met up and hooked up .. it was like everything was usual. we stopped speaking for a while but then hooked up a couple of months ago again
4. 2 weeks ago i lost my virginity to him
i am so confused. i know he cares for me but i just dont know what he wants. when were together its like old times we bring up things we used to find funny etc but then when were not seeing each other its like he doesnt give a second thought about me.
i cant get over him, trust me i have tried. i just dont know how to move forward now .. .
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The annoying answer would be to tell you that you are young and will find someone new. And it's the truth. And it's also often not what young people want to hear.
You started out together and have grown apart. It happens. But if you notice what you have said, you get back together after you hook up.
Sex is the closest physical intimacy that humans can have. With it comes emotional and mental responsibilities. When you hooked up with your ex-boyfriend, you were not only trying to recapture your physical and mental intimacies, but your emotional. It's safe. It's comfortable. While you might not be happy, you know what it feels like and the situation is comfortable and easy to be in.
The bottom line is, if you're not enjoying each other's company and having a real, fulfilling relationship, you need to separate and grow.
People cannot be healthy and happy if they cannot stand on their own. Dependency on someone else is not going to make you happy. Are you happy? Or are you feeling a little empty?
Find someone else who wants to be with you, to be beside you and do fun things with you. Someone who loves you and not just the sex will want to do other things. They will want to talk to you, enjoy fun activities with you. They will also give you room to grow.
If this is not happening for you, move on. The truth is, you ARE young and someone WILL come along and find you attractive and want to do those things. You will have to do the painful thing and move on without him. And when I say move on, I mean MOVE ON. Don't talk to him. Be polite and pleasant if you have to talk to him. Don't go where he is or try to see him outside of where you absolutely have to go. Be pleasant and nice, but try to release your attachment to him.
If you reconcile and both discover that you want to be with each other in a healthy relationship, then give it another shot. But be sure what you want in a relationship and don't budge on that. It's important not to give in and give up your own happiness.
Hope all works out for you and hope this helps you out.
-Charlotte
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No it's not like a super special version of Hitler's Schutzstaffel, it's selective sound sensitivity syndrome. It's something I've had for around 10 years and just recently discovered as a possibility for what goes on with me. I wanna cry or hit people when I hear sounds like chewing loudly, breathing loudly, forks scraping on teeth, scuffing of shoes, sniffling, drowned out noise from TV's in a different room, ect. I guess I don't really need advice or anything, I'm kinda learning on my own how to handle it. I guess what I wanna know is, since there isn't much up to date material from people, do any of you suffer from this lame ass disorder? (link)
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I don't know anything about this syndrome, but I did find a website where you can talk to people and discuss what is called 4S (Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome). I hope it helps. Good luck to you.
http://www.soundsensitive.org/
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I think I am being pressured into sex.. I have a boyfriend who just wants to have sex sex sex sex sex SEX!! and I am getting tired of telling him no! I am too young I am only 14(8months). we been together only 7 months and all he ever ask about is sex sex and more sex.. what do i do??? I feel he is not going to respect me if do manage to have sex with him after a while....
I NEED HELP !
Im NOT readyy!!!
-Jay Help! (link)
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I agree with the above statement. It is YOUR body, not his. It is YOUR decision, not his. If you don't want to, you don't have to. Period. If he is pressuring you, tell him you don't appreciate that he is pressuring you. If he does not stop, dump him. You do not have to give in to please him. If he REALLY loves you, he will acknowledge and respect your boundaries. If he says "if you really love me, you'll have sex with me and prove it," he is only trying to satisfy his own selfish needs.
Be strong. Do what YOU want to do, not what anyone else does. You have a right to your own body.
All the best.
-Charlotte
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Hi,
my bf and I have been together for 2 years, and have been living together for about 6 months.. 3 months at his dad's house and the rest at my mom's... long story short, he has anger problems and everything my mom does bothers him.. we got into a fight and he ended up saying he will move out and for me to stay with my family.. in a mad way.. should we try and work this out and move out, or should we just let it be? please help... thanks
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Although I do not know the background of the relationship between your boyfriend and you, the red flag in this question lies in "he has anger problems..."
First of all, you need to ask yourself some serious questions. Where do you see the relationship going? Are you looking for someone serious? Is he trying to get you to move away from your family?
The reason I ask this is because people with anger issues frequently just become more and more angry and more and more violet as time goes by, if the situation is not treated.
Don't get me wrong, everybody gets angry or upset, but in your heart you will know if something is not right.
Don't make the mistake in thinking that the good times cover the bad. If your relationship is a constant struggle and you're not happy overall, and you fight constantly, it is not a relationship. You're clinging onto something that is safe and comfortable. It's scary finding someone new, but staying in a relationship that is toxic has more lasting effects than you realize. What if you get married? What if you have children? If you think the anger issues will go away when you get married or have children, you are blinding yourself to a future of hurt. Unless he gets it checked or is open to anger management, I would cut the relationship off. If he threatens you or gets angry when you try to end the relationship, do what you must to get away and END IT. The present is a good indication of what is to come and you do not want to put yourself in a situation that could end up a hazard to your health and well-being as well as that of a child.
In short, it would probably be better to get out of the relationship as even you are aware of the anger issues. It would save yourself from the mess later. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for yourself. That is not selfish. We must take care of ourselves and be okay ourself before we can be in a relationship with someone else.
If you are adamant about keeping the relationship going, remember: You cannot change him. Only he can make that mental decision, and no matter what you do, you can't do it for him. He either does or doesn't. If you are in it for the long haul and honestly believe you both can make it work, try counseling. Don't think you can work it out on your own because you can't. If he has anger issues, he needs to see a professional to prevent if from exploding into something worse later.
If he refuses to see a professional, he is not admitting his anger problem and is therefore beyond what you can do for him. Don't stay around out of pity or the hopes that you can make him a better person. If he won't do it for you or acknowledge his problem, how is it ever going to get better for you both?
A happy relationship and a strong relationship is one where both persons are strong individuals and can survive without the other. Co-dependency is a recipe for disaster.
I hope everything works out for you and I hope what I said helps.
-Charlotte
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