Member Since: April 19, 2021
Answers: 179
Last Update: June 27, 2022
Visitors: 7612
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I'm 28 years old, I have anxiety disorder and panic attacks for five years. My family is really conservative in their religious views and because of it I wasn't able to get psychologist help for all these years. I also have sleeping disorder and night paralysis with nightmares. Before my disease I used to be independent woman, I would work, study in college. In big city I was able to get to college and job by bus. But we have moved and right now we live in small city and there are no buses.I was able to find job only in big city, because there are no jobs. Last year I took driving classes for few months and have passed all driving lessons successfully. But I have serious panic attacks during driving that I start to loose concentration that I can't even read signs well. Also during panic attacks I can't keep up with speeding on the road. This new year my dad takes me to work each morning. He has some emotional problems because he is old and it's hard for him to drive. He used to scream at me while I was driving him to his medical appointments so I would get panic attacks every time. I have drove with panic attacks already for one year, I had no choice because my dad started to have physical pain so I had to take him to doctor. I have tried passing driving exam, but I get so worried about upcoming exam that I would fail it each single time. Back ago my friend have told me that I will kill myself in car while I drive with panic attacks, so these words always echoes in my mind whenever I want to get out on the road. I'm really scared to drive on my own now because there are high speeds on road and you will have time to calm down. My family told me that I should get license this year or to get married and move out because dad won't be able to drive me to work any longer. I feel stuck and lonely in my situation, I have no idea what to do. Do you think I should proceed with trying to pass driving exam and getting out on road, or should I move out next year? (link)
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I have a quick answer to offer you: do NOT attempt to drive , as long as you continue risk having a panic attack while behind the wheel,and unless you can sense it coming on and pull over in time to avoid any accidents.
You need to get into therapy, regardless of your family's religious objections. There, you can receive both guidance and medication that will help you resolve these panic attacks, so you can look forward to an attack-free life from now on.
But look into public transport and moving out. Your family situation doesn't sound healthy for you .
Delay applying for your driver's license until you have successfully overcome the risk of having an attack while driving. But do NOT delay becoming independent of your family, they appear to be an unhealthy environment for you.
Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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Hello. I am currently a high school senior attending an international school in South Korea. I wanted to ask for some relationship advice because I have quite nobody to talk to about this...
My boyfriend and I have been dating for ten months now. He is the sweetest guy; never cheated or looked at other girls, buys me gifts, writes me letters, facetimes me a lot, helps me improve my confidence, gives me great life advice, etc. A lot of people talk to me about how they see that my boyfriend really loves me. Even the teachers were like "You guys could get married one day."
Although I really do enjoy the good parts of our relationship and we really love each other, not everything can be perfect. And the problems I'm facing right now are emotionally affecting me a lot.
The biggest issue is that my parents don't like him. When we first started dating, a lot of people would see us hugging each other or cuddled with each other, sometimes giving each other a little kiss in the school lounges. But because our campus is smaller, the middle schoolers would complain about how "annoying it was" to the school counselor. That darned counselor called my mom twice to complain about that. She has a reputation of being obnoxious and hypocritical, so she most likely stretched the story to make it bigger than it seems. My mom was FURIOUS. She reprimanded me and said that we shouldn't even be holding hands in school and hugging each other is unforgivable. She dislikes my boyfriend mainly because of this incident. It's not like we were having intercourse or making out in front of 20 people; we just hugged and leaned on each other a lot. Were we so wrong for doing something that every other high schooler does?
Although our economic statuses are similar, I grew up much more comfortably than him. His biological dad died when he was in primary school after divorcing his mom, who was financially struggling. My boyfriend lived with his grandparents for most of his childhood, so he says doesn't really remember his biological dad. He has a stepdad and a mom with mildly successful restaurant businesses and their family seems to be happy (I met his family and they were very nice to me, the mom really likes me too). I talked to my parents about this and they said "You can NEVER marry him. He has too many family issues. His mom is going to be very dependent on him and you when you guys are married and it will wear you out." My dad once told me "You guys are going to break up some day and you will come crying to me about how I was right. Go date a better looking guy." My mom told me about five times now "You can NEVER marry him. You should date about three guys before marriage. His family is too messed up." I told my boyfriend about my mom saying this stuff and he got irritated. He said that my parents know nothing about his family (which is true, they've never met) and that me listening to her words and telling him about it says that it makes me too dependent on other people. My mom apologized for saying stuff like this and admitted that she is thinking too far ahead. But that doesn't change the fact that if we ever decide to get married in like twelve years, my parents won't be pleased . I know I am thinking too far ahead but going through all of this drama with my parents just makes me so hopeless and insecure with this relationship.
Another big obstacle placed on our relationship right now is that he is a junior and I am a senior. I am going to college in the United States next August, which means we have to do long distance for at least a year until he graduates too. But even after graduation, there is no guarantee that we will go to college in the same state. He might even enlist in the Korean army, which takes up about 2 years before he heads to college in the States as well. After graduating college, he said he wants to work in the USA while I want to work in Korea. We don't talk about this much often and he says he's not too worried about it because we communicate well and love/trust each other (this is true). However, this is coming up real fast. Everyone around us said that long distance relationships don't work and I'm so scared.
I feel like everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do about it. I really love him so much and I know he does too. He really is a hard working, talented guy with a mindset mature than most kids in our school and I see him being successful in the future. I can clearly picture a happy future with him. We've never broken up once in the ten months but I'm so emotionally unstable that I feel like I depend on him too much sometimes. I don't know what to do. Is this relationship going to fall apart? What can I do to save it or make this situation better? Please help me. (link)
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You gave a lengthy and detailed description of your concerns, so let me address each one, as you described them:
Public displays of affection in your achool: Is it the school's policy to allow such things, or not? Whatever it is, you must respect and abide by it, however silly or inappropriate it may seem to you.
You didn't clarify where your family is living, which might make a difference. If its in the same area, you could propose that they have a visit with you and your boyfriend, before passing judgement on him.
While you are still a minor, and I presume that you are, you are stilll beholding to abide by your parents' rules and regulations,however much you may disagree with them. But the fact that you are already a high school senior suggests that you will soon be of adult age , legally and socially. You can look forward, therefore, to making your own choices about your relationships, regardless of what your mother may "forbid" or not. But be sure that you aren't still depending upon them financially, because with that, comes the requirement to accept their interference with your choices.
Were you "so wrong" for doing "something that every other high schooler does"? While I don't see much wrong with what you did,other than the place and time, its simply not true that "every other high schooler" does the same thing. This sounds much like the typical (and immature) child's plea: "All the other kids get to do it!" Not a justifiable reason, I'm afraid.
Your mother is coming across as very heavy handed, although she is ,from her perspective, trying to protect and guide you. But really, in truth, she cannot dominate your life or decisions.
The reality of your situation is that you are both still very young, each with your futures ahead of you. It may seem like "Romeo and Juliet" right now, i.e., True Love, but chances are very likely that one or both of you will choose to move on for any number of reasons, and go your separate ways.
I would encourage you to try and relax about the whole thing. Respect the rules of your school about public demonstrations of affection. Go to college. Keep in contact as long as both of you wish to do so. And life, you will find, will take its course in due time. Should you still wish to be together in the future,then you will possibly have to choose between your family and your boyfriend. Unless they learn to love and accept him. These things have a way of resolving themselves over time, so try not to "crack up" over your immediate dilemma?
There's an old saying: If you love someone or something very much,be willing to let them fly free. If they are really yours, if its meant to be,they'll come back to you. But if they don't, then it wasn't meant to be after all.
Things will work out, one way or the other, over time. Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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So I am a 32 year old female and I have been invited to a new yeara eve dance and it's a red carpet event. I have no idea what to wear. (link)
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Well, its a little late for me to answer you, now that its almost February.However: if you were really a smart chick, you would worry less about what to wear and more about contracting Covid. As tough as it may be to forego such events, is it really worth exposing yourself and possibly even dying? Let's hope you live long enough to safely attend future New Year's Eve celebrations, regardless of what you choose to wear. Dr. Stephanie
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My girlfriend has no feelings for me anymore. what should i do?
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I'm afraid you have little choice, other than to move on with your life. It takes two to tango, and your dance partner is no longer dancing with you.
Keep busy. Go to counseling, if you find yourself overwhelmed and unable to move on. Recognize that life has more than your love relationship in it, and focus on other things. Volunteer, and you'll get more than you give. Do know, this is not the end of everything, and that even if you don't feel it right now, there will come a time when you no longer find this matters and that you have healed. I guarantee it ! Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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Hello, I am a 28yo, Indian married woman living abroad with my husband. I had a past before my marriage. I had a full fledged affair with a married office colleague in my previous office in India. Nobody apart from my best friend knows about this. At that time, my current husband was interested in me and tried to convince me into a relationship (he was in the UK and I was in India at that time, so mostly it was a long distance relationship and he was so busy with his studies that he wasn't able to give me time regularly, we hardly spoke or Skype each other,many times it happened so that we didn't speak weeks and even months at a stretch). I was growing impatient and doubting if this relationship was going to work or not. He seemed pretty irresponsible to me.So I indulged in talking with a married colleague of mine. Now when I look back, I can understand that I was only craving attention. But one thing leaded to another, and we ended up having an affair. But as soon as my parents and my current husband's parents talked and finalized our wedding, I stopped seeing that man. But he kept in touch and used to wish me on occasions. At that time when I was losing interest in a one sided long distance relationship with my current husband, I told him everything about my illegitimate relationship with that married man. But my husband couldn't digest the fact and he coaxed me into denying all of it.I got scared about his health and denied everything I told him. Now I am happily married with my husband but sometimes that married person tries to send me messages. I have blocked him from every possible social media. But he keeps stalking me on researchgate or academiaedu (as both of us were researchers and from same field). My husband knows about this stalking. I am so afraid that he might take serious action against that married man and everything about my past that I have once told him and then denied, will spill over in front of everybody. I am not so proud about my past and want to forget it for once and all. Kindly suggest me what should be done in this situation. (link)
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Oh my, what a tangled mess has developed. Because of your accessibility through the internet, , this takes on greater proportions. Normally, I would recommend that completely ignoring your pursuer would be the quickest and best means to rid yourself of him. But in this case, you might consider a quiet "threat" to inform his wife, if he doesn't cease and desist contacting you, permanently. You say you WERE both researchers? If this means you are no longer connected to these websites, it might be best to remove all contact with them, as well. An alternative might be to file a complaint against him on these websites. You might also wish to consult an attorney before taking such actions. Let some good come out of this, in the form of learning that whatever anyone posts on line has a way of staying there and being made available to the entire universe. Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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Hi,
I´m 22 und im in the 1st year of my master degree.
Over the past year I had several crushes,some of them lasted longer than the other. In high school i had crush on my brother´s best friend (boy). I was in the same class with my brother as we are twins, my crush was in the same class as well. I hated that i was in the same class as my brother because guys in class treated me differently. This crush of mine teased me a lot but in a different way. My classmate told me its because he liked me. I never told him anything because he was my twin brother´s best friend.
After high school, we hung out a couple of times in a group of friends. One time it was without my brother. We were in a car with other friends and he asked me if had a boyfriend. I thought it meant something but I guess not. It was such a random question to ask so maybe he asked it for a reason?
Recently, I texted him on his birthday and we have been texting ever since on and off. We were mainly talking about my brother and I hate that bc its like i dont exist without my brother. I even asked him if he wanna hang out during the weekend and told him to call some other people (except my brother, we dont talk together and apparently my brother is not talking much with my "crush"). He told me he would go but he didnt text me so we didnt go out (I didnt text him to seem needy).
Im just wondering if he ever felt something for me and its killing me bc I want to know if he ever liked me or not no matter what the answer would be. Do you think that maybe he didnt approach me because I was his best friend´s sister? But if he liked me he wouldnt be afraid to approach no matter what right? I mean what if we both wont text each other because of my brother?
I dont know what to do. Do i tell him something or not? I dont wanna ruin anything with him, but I would wanna know how things are. Once I confessed my feeling to a guy and I got rejected. So im kinda reluctant to do it now. I also dont want to be known to him as "his best friend´s sister". Also he told me that he doesnt talk with my brother that much, so it wouldnt be so awkward now.
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Listen and take heed to solid advice 4 teens, its a very good reply. Dr. Stephanie
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How to become an olympian? (link)
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A very good answer above, I second it. Dr. Stephanie
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Hi, I am from America.
And I've been feeling this way for a really long time about some of my friends that I hang out with frequently. I feel like an outsider among them, which is weird because i've known some of them since we were in middle school. The one friend from middle school in particular feels like a different person now from when we were both in middle school, she constantly wants to talk about politics and only ever seems to want to talk about herself in relation to a majority of the topics I bring up. She never used to be like this, but now I feel that I dislike a majority of what we talk about most of the time. It wouldn't be so bad, if I didn't feel like she was subtly belittling me. She sometimes brings up my ethnicity, but not in a way that I am comfortable with. It feels demeaning to me that she brings up a lot of negative stuff about my ethnicity, and I can't tell her to stop as she only does this around other people. I also feel that my friends never have my back, as they never stick up for me. I was once gone for three weeks and not one of them messaged me, this also relates when I am in need of help. This doesn't happen all the time, but when it does its really noticible and upsetting. I don't really want to hang out with them, but I feel that I won't be able to make any new friends if I distance myself from my friends. I've always had trouble making new friends, and I've spent long periods of time in the past when I didn't have any. Idk, maybe I'm overthinking it, as they are my friends. (link)
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It is normal for people to outgrow their old friends and to move on. Lucky are the ones who manage to keep and maintain lifelong friendships, for there are those who do this, also, though rare.
You appear to outgrown your old friends, but that you are also afraid to move on and seek new ones. This is where growth is needed.
Ask yourself what you would want in a friend, and then try to become thus, yourself. For example, do you show a genuine interest in the lives of others? How are your listening skills and do you encourage others to talk, to reveal themselves, with good questions and genuine caring listening?
You will find, that with this alone, you will soon be valued as a good new friend. Seek others who have things in common with your interests, new and old.
And I think you may find that you, yourself, no longer have a need or interest in keeping the old friends who have lost their shine for you.
Good wishes, good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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Age:17
Gender: Female
Question: Why did i orgasm when i got raped?
Hey guys . Recently I got raped, but I still orgasmed. Even though I really didn't want to. I don't know what happened, one moment I was protesting, the next i orgasmed. I don't know what is wrong with me. I hated it so much, yet my body enjoyed it. I feel so guilty and annoyed with myself. I thought as soon as h finished he would leave but he wouldn't stop until i reached climax and eventually orgasmed. Even then he went in for a few more rounds, leaving me in pain. I wish i could erase thy moment from my head. I wish it never happened. What do i do?
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My recommendation would be to report this to the police, if you have any possible proof. You said "recently"? How recent? Rape is rape, whether you climaxed, or not. If this is in time,you should see a doctor and get documentation with a rape examination kit.
You may wish to seek rape counseling, since the experience was still traumatic for you.
And I'm asking you, what made you vulnerable to being raped in the first place? Did you know this person? Were you drinking? Were you in unsafe circumstances or surroundings? What might you have done differently? This is NOT to say that you are to blame! In any way. But if you were vulnerable, at risk, in a dangerous situation, what might you have done to avoid it, and how might you protect yourself in the future?
Do NOT have anything more to do with the jerk who abused you, please ! Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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First off I want to say that yes I care for my mother very much ever since the loss of my sister in 2001 it has been very difficult on me and her. But I feel at times that she's trying to change me into the person I used to be... quiet,shy, never had an opinion and if I did I kept it to myself.
I love the person that I am becoming more and more everyday.. and it's not because of the smoking tree. It's because I am finally working, taking care of my kids and my self, I'm with a man that helps me to be better and do better daily for my kids. She doesn't understand that I have had extreme depression because a lot of things that have happened in my life, it all started when I was 4 yrs old and was hurt by my dad's brother., nobody believed me then and tried to save me like I wanted. Then again when I was 19 yrs old and my own father hurt me, I did everything I could to more less save myself from him because of all the pain that he was causing me. My question to you is., why does it matter so much that I smoke tree when I take care of my bills, my kids, and do that to keep my depression down so I don't have to end up taking pills again and end up having another mental break?
Any advice would definitely help. (link)
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What is "smoking tree"? I tried to look it up and only got info for actual trees. I'm sure you meant something else?
It sounds like there are definitely some issues to further explore and resolve,however. Are you in therapy? I might suggest this, if I knew more about your background and just what "smoking tree" means.
If you are indeed using pot, it would be worthwhile for you to check out, on line, the effects. Pot is not the benign,harmless substance that many believe it to be.
You mentioned a history of depression. Did you know that using pot and depression are linked ? Check it out on line, see the Mayo Clinic website.
It also depends upon where you live, as to whether its legal or not. You have kids. What would happen to them,if you were arrested? Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
Dr. Stephanie
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Hello..
I'm 32 years old, in a relationship for 1 year and almost half..
i am a person who is so jealous and doubts everything, not just in relationships also in life..
I question everything, search for reasons till i get satisfied.
I go through my BF accounts which he doesn't know..he says if you will do it do it infront of me, and honestly till now i couldn't find anything that triggers my thoughts but i keep doing it anyways, i know i should stop or at least try to fix myself.
But..1 week ago when i was checking again i found that he was flirting with this lady that they work together.. ( he's a head chef and the lady is a Pastry chef ).
That he wants to see her and he won't go to the venue if she wasn't there.. things like this.
he came home and i confronted him what i did and he didn't reply back, we had something similar to thisand he deleted the messages which i found out later, he told me it's because thelady sending him kisses he didn't want me to see it..i packed, left the house and 1 week i'm in a big mess, heartbroken and disapointed .. Drinking, Crying getting support from friends..
later i saw she shared a story in his car, and he told me it wasnt the first time that she was in his car and he was only helping her to go to HR for her paperwork.
Of course didnt believe.. and then fights were more and more.. Finally i told hold him this can't go any further, and we have to end it.
Later that day he came and he started to kiss me telling me let's put this behind us i didn't do anythimg wrong to you, nothing was or will be between us, and be happy forever.
he's denying it.. I don' know maybe really nothing happened, but all the facts.. the flirting, deleting messages so i don't find out..
Just doesnt make sense .
what should i do now..
anything will help..
Thank you.
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Your description was long and convoluted, so it would help if you were to write us again, and keep it down to just the basics, and in a more orderly fashion. I read your piece twice and am still having difficulty grasping everything.
What might be important to figure out, is how much is your own insecurity , obsessive checking on him, and how much is something he might really be doing behind your back.
In any case, jealousy often equals insecurity. You?
If she's "sending him kisses", however, there may be some genuine reasons for you to be concerned.
Is it both? There's an old saying, "Murder will out", which means that if there is really something to be concerned about, you can bet that it will happen again and sooner or later, you'll find out.
One thing is certain: whether he's fooling around on you , or not, you may well drive him away by how you are obsessing and checking up on him.
All in all, no matter what he's doing, the relationship doesn't sound like a very healthy one to me. One or both of you may need to do some work on maturing, being honest, trust, and related issues. Good luck, good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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I’ll try to be as brief as possible, but recently I’ve been having pain on the left side of my mouth when chewing, and I made an appointment with the dentist about it. I had been told before that a tooth on the bottom left in the back was in a bad shape, I think it was that the filling for it was probably going to eventually break or something. I’m in graduate school and really short on money so I had to put that off for now. When I saw the dentist, he looked at my teeth for less than a minute and said I would need root canal and a crown. He said the root canal alone would cost $800, and my insurance (I’m currently on Medicaid) wouldn’t cover either procedure. I had no idea what I was going to do, and leaving me with several unanswered questions, he kicked me out after seeing him for less than 5 minutes.
I called the phone number for insurance and they told me that both a crown and root canal would be covered, they just needed a request from an in-network dentist, and the dentist I saw was. So this seemed to contradict what the dentist told me. I’m actually also not sure now if it’s the bottom tooth that’s the problem, and I think the pain might actually be from a tooth on the top row. I’m really reluctant to go back there, so I tried to find another dentist to see on short notice, but the only one in my immediate area isn’t seeing anyone until a week from now.
The biggest problem is I’m finishing classes this month, and plan to drive from Pennsylvania to Illinois to stay with family while I look for work, which is something I’m already really worried about because I’ll be driving through the Midwest for several days in a 20 year old car in December. My insurance also told me root canal and a crown would only be covered in-network, so I'd have to pay for it entirely if done out of state, so I need to take care of this soon. I really wanted to leave around the 16th (when classes end) at the latest due to worries about snow, so I really don’t know what I’m going to do. Should I just try to see another dentist? The only ones I could find in-network are over an hour away and have 3 star ratings on Google, but I don't know if those ratings really mean much. (link)
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Your dental needs should come first, as with all health issues. If you can find a dentist covered by your insurance, by all means, go to them. Check out the reasons for their star ratings, sometimes, its a disgruntled, dissastisfied patient rather than the dentist themselves. Another option would be to find a dental clinic, often attached to a dental school. Be prepared to drive the hour, and postpone visiting until your health needs are properly addressed, that's my advice to you. Never neglect your health. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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I'm 28 years old and I have an associate degree in graphic design.
In future I want to work online in company to create websites, but my past is on my way.
The problem is that during my studies in college I have been in terrible condition, my brother had serious illness and I was afraid I would loose him. I was in grief every day, I cried and had panic attacks. Also I had night mares for many months every night and I just couldn't sleep at all. I would wake up at 2 am in the middle of the night crying becouse I was scared from night mares. I wasn't able to memorize anything or to understand anything I was studying at that point. My teachers wore quite understanding and extended time on my homework so I could complete it and get a grade. I have done projects and did my best on every class, so some classes I passed with C and others with B. I also completed my portfolio and made a presentaion on portfolio show in my college. The problem is that I remember only 30% from everything I have studied in whole graphic design program. My grief wiped off almost all information from those two years. After everything that has happened to me, I have developed anxiety disorder and spend in grief five years. I worked as graphic designer and print shop assistant for about 1.5 years in total after I got my degree.
This year in fall I have finally exit from a stage of grief and I feel like motivation to create and work came back to me. I don't have problems with being in grief anymore and I feel like I'm ready to study again. My problem is that I want to retake web design classes over again, but I don't know if colleges will give me this opportunity since I have already passed all my web design classes before. I want to take online classes and study from home because it will be easier for me to study that way.I have old parents and I should be home after work, I can't leave them alone. I don't know what to do, I'm confused. Can you please give me an advise what to do next?I'm so lost. (link)
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Your question has to do with taking courses and how to fit that in with your other needs, such as taking care of your parents. I would recommend that , if you are already in college, that you contact their counseling center, where they are able to advise you academically. If you are not already in school, it might be advantageous to enroll in the nearest junior college so that you can receive their free counseling guidance. Generally, one has to take a minimum of twelve units to qualify, if this is still the case. Otherwise, similar counseling would be very expensive. You are in a rewarding and very lucrative field, which is in great demand. So , it may be well worth your while to pursue this. Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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My lease is ending soon and my plan was to move out of state with my sister. But I’ve tried to contact her a couple of time to talk to her more about moving there and visiting soon but haven’t been able to talk to her. . Yesterday, she said she couldn’t talk because she was working and said she’s off tomorrow night if I want to talk. But when I called she didn’t answer. I probably talk to her about moving there a one or two ago and she was completely open to it. But, she’s dating someone new and he has a house and she was like I might just move in with him and just give you my house to you. At the time, I didn’t question it until my therapist reminded me the reason I was moving out of state was to have more support. That’s one of the things I wanted to address with my sister was my intentions. My sister lives in a house and has a I spare bedroom. I thought this would be nice upgrade for me and I could save money. I currently live by myself in an apartment and I don’t like it too much. But, I’m thinking maybe moving out of state is no longer an option. I feel like I’m taking a risk to. I’ve looked at apartments here and I don’t see anyone that I like. The ones I do like I can’t afford. My therapist suggested getting a roommate. I make a decent amount of money so never really consider it. Plus I’m in my late 20’s and didn’t want to have to deal with another person. I thought my sister would be the best living situation.
What should I do? Should I just let go of trying to move in with her? (link)
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The problem is not that you don't have options...you do; but you don't trust your own judgement and choices. Even with a supportive therapist, you are still asking others, (here), what you should do. You didn't say why you are thinking of moving in the first place. But my suspicion is that whatever is behind your idea of moving will go with you, wherever you go, until you gain greater self confidence and to trust your own choices without being told what to do by others, including your sister,us, even your therapist.
The only thing I noticed was that you thought you could save money and havew a "nice upgrade". But if you move out of state, you would have to get another job and make sure that you are earning at least as much as you do now. From what you said, it appears that your sister isn't someone you can rely steadily upon; she doesn't know if she's going to remain in the house or move in with her boyfriend; she doesn't answer your attempts to contact her. So , be careful about relying heavily upon her for anything.
Okay. Good luck, Dr. Stephanie
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I have been going through a really tough time. My serious relationship of 3 yeas ended. The guy ditched me just before marriage. This my 3rd relationship failure. I'm 32. People around me are getting married and kids. I don't have many friends. I'm alone ans cry everyday. My confidence is shaking. I don't hv anyone to share my deepest feelings. I regret many things in life. I feel anxiety thinking about
Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=666294#ixzz6HK8mB7m2 (link)
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I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time, which clearly sounds like depression and other things, possibly, as well. You must see a therapist, and if it isn't possible for any reason, there is counseling help available on line. In addition, most communities offer sliding scale counseling , if you aren't insured, or cannot pay a high fee.Check the reference section of your library , your insurance company, or go on line for a referral.
The most important thing in therapy is your relationship with the therapist, so don't be afraid to shop around, until you find one you feel you can trust and one that can help you. Pick the same gender as the parent with whom you were closest.
A good therapist will start with an assessment, individual therapy, and will either move you into group therapy or continue with both individual and group types. With both, you can receive support and guidance, feedback, and learn how to handle things so much better, so that you feel better about yourself and avoid making the wrong choices that have caused difficulties in the past.
Its not too late ! But you do need to turn your life around, and find the happiness you deserve.
Good luck and good wishes ! Dr. Stephanie
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my husband is still friends with his ex. They have also been friends since they were teenagers through now. He had got her flowers about 6 months before we started dating, then a few weeks into our dating relationship, he took leave and and he had hung out with her back home. They went rock climbing and out to Olive Garden.
He never told me nor did he mention it was his ex. I seen a post on her Instagram and that’s how I found out. I got a little worried since I had seen a reciept that he got her flowers 6 months previous. I was thinking maybe he still had feeling for her. And I was upset that he never mentioned it was his ex. I let it go, cause we’re just dating and he’s allowed to have girl friends. Well we ended up getting married and we were having an argument and he was messaging her about our relationship problems. That made me really upset. I told him I didn’t like that and it made me feel weird. He stopped doing it. i seen her name pop up on his phone when we were driving, nothing bad she was saying happy Father’s Day, I know it was his ex, I wanted to reassure nothing was going on. later that day I do go through his phone, (bad I know) and the message was gone.
The convo seemed innocent but why delete it. He said he deleted it csuse it was old. It was from the same day, and messages form years prior were still on his phone. Like I know the convo wasn’t bad nor was he cheating but why lie to me? One day I was sending pictures from his phone to mine of the kids, and I seen pictures of his jeep, and I’m like ohhh who’d you send those to? Thinking his dad probably, and he said oh I don’t remember. It was weird how he answered, I checked his phone again and it was to his ex (she’s into jeeps as well) again convo was innocent but why does he lie about it? It’s giving me trust issues. He will typically delete the messages after from her, and he finally told me it’s because he thinks I’ll get mad at him for talking to her. I told him I’m mad that he lies about it, not that he talks to her. It’s annoying. I would be okay with just talking as friends as long as you’re not making up reasons as to why you’re deleting the texts. Then he told me I’m ruining his friendship with her. Also to add. I found a note while I was unpacking our stuff, dated a year before us dating about how much he loved her and he wouldn’t be able to find anyone as good as her. Maybe that’s why I feel some type of way about him hiding that he’s talking to her. I know people can change feelings and he’s married to me. But why do I feel weird about it? I don’t care if they are friends and have friendly convo’s but she wants to meet me and I don’t know how to feel about that. My husband thinks it’s bitchy that I said I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hangout with her and meet her. I just feel awkward about it. Am I being immature and need to fix my trust issues??? They don’t talk daily, and I know he’s not cheating, but why is this making me feel weird. Would this make anyone else feel weird?
I also caught him on only fans spending $200 on girls, He lied and said it was a new account, and but he was using it for a while. I actually asked him if he had one and he told me no. But anyway, Told him he could watch porn but I’m not okay with spending money on it. Said he wouldn’t do it again… then a few months later he took leave for a job interview, and I seen he paid $45 more dollars for only fans again. Like I’m getting really annoyed here. I want to be in a Relationship with him obviously, but the way he tries to hide stuff annoys me. (link)
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Yes, you do need to fix your "trust issues" and the way to do this is to end your relationship with an untrustworthy, lying and cheating husband. There should be no relationship between him and his ex at this point, if for no other reason (though there are plenty of them!) than that it makes you uncomfortable.
If you continue to stay and put up with his misbehaviors,it will only indicate that you are insecure enough to doubt what is plainly in front of you , and that your self esteem is so low you don't think you deserve or could expect better.
Stop listening to his arguments, and take charge, take care of yourself, and end this relationship.
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My name is Svetlana and I am 28 years old. I live with my old parents and take care of them. My dad is old and it hard for me to deal with his personality. Lately, he humiliates me and my mom, he is rude to us and sometimes screams at us. He forgets everything, always angry and never satisfited with anything. I understand that he is really old now and deals with a lot of pain, maybe even with depression but it's hard for me not to take his words and actions to heart. My mom also takes it to heart and I always calm her down, I'm like her psychologist. But I'm hiding my own pain deep inside and I cry a lot when no one sees me.I have severe anxiety and sleep disorder already five years. My dads dramas costs me nights of not sleeping or having serious panic attacks during day time. I am afraid that I might face heart problems in near future. My chest is already hurting sometimes when I worry or in stress. As an example, my sister who lives in Russia has severe heart and anxiety problems. In her 30's she was looking after her husband parents like a nanny, and as much as I know they wore hard people to deal with. No one really helped her or looked after her while she was assisting her husband parents. Since she had no support, she was hiding her anxieties and worries deep inside. Later when those people died she started not to feel well. She woke up one morning and fainted, her face got paralyzed and she could nearly stand on her feet. She was taken to hospital that morning and was diagnosed with heart attack. Doctor told her not to work physically and to stay away from stress. Right now she is on disability and spends all her time at home. I am worried about my health because me and my sister are identical and we have same problems with nervous system. Right now it seems I'm walking down her path. I'm afraid that I will be facing heart attack and disability in near future. Is there any hope for me not to end up like this just like her? What can I do in my situation? (link)
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You received what I think is a good answer from "solid avice...". I would only add that I strongly suggest you work toward finding away to move out and to live independently, yourself, because this situation is hurting you so badly.
Most communities have senior social services, including home assistance, referrals, guidance and support. start by finding out what's avaialble in your town and working with one of their counselors to develop a plan . You can find these resources in the reference section of your library, if you don"t find them yourself on line.
Good wishes and good luck,Dr. Stephanie
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There’s this boy who does things to catch my attention like shutting my computer everyday in our classes and whatnot, and while I am not bothering or annoyed by it my classmates who have witnessed it seem to think it bothers me. When other people started to notice the pattern of him doing that it was only 1 or 2 people, today it was the whole class who saw it and started to conversate about it. They made comments to him and in general teasing him and accusing him of having a crush on me which I don’t quite believe. Everybody appears to believe that I am highly annoyed by him doing that, they tell him to stop before I "beat him up" I’m not even a hostile person and I’ve never had a fight at school or threatened anybody! They also keep telling him to stop "bullying" me the teacher even threatened to give him suspension if he does it again which is a bit overreactive considering that I don’t even care that he does it. All of these reactions are where my confusion lies, yes I am a typically serious and I don’t crack jokes or laugh too loudly but how does that equate to me feeling anger towards the boy because he’s doing something as innocent as closing a computer, when he does it I don’t even react with a facial expression or verbally to the point where the other classmates can see my reaction from behind my mask. This is not the first situation where my classmates have perceived me as this humorless not to be joked with girl unprovoked, how does it appear that I am angered by his actions and would take it as far as getting physical with him? How do I show my classmates that I can be lighthearted and that it is ok to joke and be at ease with me? Also, since I am quite awkward and don’t even know how to react when he does this(even though he has done it several times)what can I say or do if he does it again that will prove I am not bothered by it? (link)
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Thisis a tempest in a teapot as they say. This boy may be showing an interest in you (?) , but if so, he's showing it in an extremely juvenile manner. You don't have to be angry with him, or retaliate, as some have suggested you do.
Decide if it bothers you or not. Either ignore him, and i guarantee that sooner or later, he'll tire of his game and move on; or, if it does bother you, your option is to continue ignoring him, complaining to the teacher or nearest adult, who is ready to take further action, and forget about your classmates who are apparently more invested in this "drama" than you are. They need something else to focus on.
I wonder why it doesn't bother you ? It must interfere with your schoolwork, if nothing else!
No matter what, life will go on and this, too , shall pass sooner or later. Good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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Hello, I am 32 and I have a hard time meeting guys and trying to find friends. I havent had the best of luck with guys since I am stuck in a vicious cycle of attracting guys I am not attracted to and being attracted to guys who arent attracted to me. I figure other women may have this problem as well. How can I find a guy who doesnt have commitment issues or other excuses? I havent dated since I was 28 and have had the worst of luck with guys. Im not sure where to meet guys since I dont really have many friends. I have had tried dating sites and they are the worst. I have tried to connect with other guys in the past and I get REJECTED a lot. Im currently working on myself and always have been. I dont understand why it is so hard to meet someone in my thirties. I also dont want to date a guy with kids or want kids. I have completely lost faith in guys. I have hobbies but never find guys around me. What can I do to attract guys? Where do you meet guys? I cant be the only person who struggles or has the worst of luck with guys. I do get guys who flirt with me in public but never pursue me, guys never pursue me. But when I pursue people online it never lasts. Help for relationship advice and how can I start dating again? (link)
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I can give you good ways to meet people, but there are patterns here that strongly suggest a significant role in your difficulties is played by you,yourself.
I would therefore suggest and recommmend that you find a therapist who offers group therapy, as well as individual, where you can gain both support and honest feedback, as well as guidance.
Within that context, I would take a strong look at how you come across to others, as well as whom you choose to pursue.
When you are truly ready and emotionally available, you can meet others just about anywhere. Its also a good idea to follow your interests and preferred activities so you can meet others who share them. This said, I would recommend something that appeals either to men or to both sexes, and avoid such activities as, say, knitting or crocheting. Your chances of meeting guys would be far better if you took an organized group trip or took up fly fishing for example.
But again its what you bring with you to any situation and how you come across to others that will be key.'
Its not a matter of having "the worst luck" as you described. Start by taking inventory and trying to give yourself honest feedback. Its not too late at all, but don't delay, time's awasting!
Good luck and good wishes, Dr. Stephanie
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My daughter is 14 and I’ve been married to my husband since she was three. He has always been there for her as a great stepdad. My daughter’s room is downstairs and even though she is 14 he still goes downstairs every night to sleep next to her after I fall asleep at 3:00am. Then comes back up every morning around 7am. I know nothing is going on and my daughter is completely comfortable around him, she says nothing but good things. I have talked to her and she insists that she is fine with him doing this. However, I am not fine with this because she is fourteen and doesn’t need a grown adult sleeping next to her every night. I told him how I felt and that he doesn’t need to do that anymore but all he says is “you can’t tell me what to do” “you are a control freak” and disregards how I feel. He then said “well I’ll go downstairs and sleep on the couch near her since you don’t want me in the bed”which makes no sense at all! He told me I am just trying to “control” where he sleeps and my daughter doesn’t have a problem with it so he isn’t stopping. He told me I am the only one who thinks something is wrong with it and that I am jealous! I could not believe it when he said that. What is wrong here?!!!! I wanted to punch him in the face when he said that. He always turns it around on me and makes me look like I crazy for thinking this way. I just want to scream! He claims he goes down there because she likes to talk until she falls asleep but at 3am in the morning you should be sleep not talking! She is fourteen for goodness sake how long will he be doing this? I just feel uncomfortable about the whole thing for some reason and at this point this whole situation makes me want to just leave this marriage. She isn’t five anymore. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I just overreacting? (link)
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Whoa there ! He's been doing this since she was THREE? Why isn't he sleeping with you , by the way!
This is totally inappropriate behavior on his part regardless of his denial or hers. Do you really think there is "nothing going on"? Whether he is molesting her or not, and I have my suspicions, the situation is an intolerable one and just plain NOT OKAY ! What I don't understand is why you would have looked the other way for all these long years.
That you worry you are "just over reacting says volumes about the denial you, yourself, are in. This is NOT OKAY !!!
Even if "nothing were going on", its a sad commentary on what your marriage is ,with a guy who hasn't slept with you in...how long?
Honey, this needs to stop and NOw! To look the other way, to tolerate its continuing borders on aiding and abetting a molester, which I strongly suspect may be the case. And if not yet, soon!
Indeed, if someone else finds out, this is potentially reportable and could result in having your daughter placed out of your home.
Please come in out of the rain? Its time to take the bull by the horns and insist that either it stops immediately, or there will be an end to the marriage. I'm not sure what kind of marriage you have in any case, and whether its worth keeping.
Good luck, now go do what you need to do and protect your child!
~Dr. Stephanie
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