I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173020
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Hello Alisonmarie,
My husband and I have been married for 6 months. We both are vigins and have been trying to have sex. But everytime we try, i experience severe pain and we stop. We did tried lubricant, however my hole is very small. Please help.. is there any other methods?
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You will need to build up to actual intercourse. By this I mean that you will both need to take your time and make sure you are fully aroused before any penetration occurs. You'll need to take control and make your likes/dislikes very clear to your husband. If you are unclear about what you enjoy sexually, you might want to consider spending some time exploring your own body.
When you feel fully ready to have sex, have your husband insert one finger in you. Stick with this for a few times until you feel comfortable; he may then try two fingers. Another alternative is to buy a dildo or vibrator which is somewhere between the width of one of your husband's fingers and his penis. Use this a few times until your body can do it comfortably.
In this way, you gradually stretch your vagina - and you also emotionally have time to relax and just enjoy yourself without worrying about trying to make things fit. This will help you enjoy sex more, which will also help loosen the muscles in your vagina.
After this process, you can then try penetrative sex. Make sure your husband pushes very slowly. Some of your current pain is from the tightness, and some could also be the result of him not knowing what angle he should be attempting to enter you at. Using his fingers and the dildo will help him become more comfortable with the process, which should also help sex in the long run.
If this doesn't work, you may want to see a doctor to make sure there is no physiological problem. A psychosexual therapist would also be able to offer more in depth advice.
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Triple G here. This morning, I was going into my room to change 4 school. My dad sleeps there sincce me and my sister r 2 afraid 2 sleep by ourselves. Yeah so I thought I saw something gray run under my bed. Well, I was tired, and I let it go.I thought I was hallucinating.But this time, I was more cautious and I rarely touched the floor. Then I saw the gray rat run from under my bed. when I gasped,it ran back under my bed. I told my mom and she was all saying how its my fault, that my school has a lot of rats (which is true) and that it snuck into my bookbag. Then when I was eating my breakfast, I saw it run under my computer desk, then under the heater. I was so afraid, I wanted to change the whole saving the environment thing I like to do. Well, I never said anything about animals. In fact, I decided that I want all animals except for dogs, rabbits, birds, deers, and other cute animals to die. If I have power one day, I'll make sure they're extinct. I mean, rats r okay,or maybe it was a mouse, not sure. But they just scare me, especially ratz. Have any ideas 4 killing that damned beast? thanks, and sorry 4 a long story. (link)
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The environment has a delicate cycle and balance of plants, animals, etc. To kill entire species of a type of animal could have a disastrous effect on other life forms - it could harm the food chain, for example. Killing predators could also mean there would be too many of their prey left alive.
While I can understand feeling nervous about rats or mice, generally they aren't going to cause harm. You can buy live traps at your local hardware store and then release the animal away from your home. You can also buy other options for pest control there.
Best of luck!
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When you masterbate and after you sperm you want to stop, how do you continue to keep that pleasureable feeling, and want to keep going? (link)
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Orgasm for a male happens at the height of excitement. It releases all the pressure and the build up of needing to continue.
It is normal to want to stop sexual activity after orgasming; if you give yourself some time (depending on your age and general health) you should be able to feel excitement again in a short while. Your body just needs time to recharge.
Another option is to stop or slow down before you orgasm in the first place, giving your body a chance to calm down. You would then continue, which would make masturbation last much longer - especially if you keep pausing or slowing down.
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i think i might have toxic shock syndrome but im too scared to tell my mum can you tell me if when you insert the tampon it causes any discomfort and how long the symtoms last for i got a soare throat 3 days after the last day of my period and then i got a cold and just bin coughing alot ??? (link)
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Chances are you've just got an ordinary cold that happened to coincide with your period. To find out the specific symptoms associated with toxic shock syndrome, you can read the instruction label that comes in the box of tampons. You can also find information online, though you'll want to make sure the website is a good one.
It could cause discomfort to insert a tampon if you are not used to having things in your vagina. It could also be uncomfortable if you are pushing the tampon at the wrong angle or do not insert it fully. Discomfort upon insertion is not generally a sign that anything is wrong.
If you are still feeling unwell, let your mother know and perhaps she can make an appointment for you to see your doctor. You can explain your fears to him/her and they can give you more information.
Your mother might also be able to help you; while it may be embarassing to talk to her, chances are she would want you to tell her if you had health worries.
Best of luck.
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i don't know how or where to put a tampon i just need a diagram of were to put it.( one that shows me with an arrow). i'm scared im putting it in the wrong place. (link)
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There is only one hole that you can put your tampon in, aside from the hole you poop from. You can't accidentally stick it in where you pee, because that hole is too small.
You can explore with your finger to make sure you've found the right hole before trying to insert the tampon. Your vagina is not straight up and down, but is actually angled towards your lower back - keeping this in mind will help get the tampon in.
When inserting it, push slowly and gently - stop if it hurts, and try another angle. Push the tampon application fully into your vagina (except the bit at the end you are holding onto). It's important to have the application all the way in before you push the plunger that will push the tampon in further. If you insert it correctly, you shouldn't be able to feel it once it is inside.
You can get special 'teen' tampons, or buy ones that are labelled 'mini'. These are great to practice with because they are smaller than normal tampons.
Make sure to read the instructions that come with the box, which will tell you how often to change the tampons and any side effects you may experience.
Best of luck.
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I am from Aussie!! When having sex i dont get an orgasim. I was wondering if you can get pregnate if dont get orgasims? (link)
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You can get pregnant anytime sperm is in your vagina. It does not matter if you orgasm or not.
You can also get sexually transmitted infections if you are not using protection.
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Hi,
I am 11 almost 12 and I live in a nice little complex with a few famililes with younger kids...my parents said I can take a babysitting corse this summer at a local communitty center...but they say I'm too young to really babysit, even tho my mom way babysitting by this age,and I need extra cash for these awesome shoes!!How can I convice them that I am old enough & mature enough(when I'm 12 thats the law)for babysitting in September(my b-day)???
Signed,
Stephanie Giles
Confused in Ontario! (link)
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Taking the babysitting course seriously would be a good way to help your mom take YOU seriously. This means making sure you are on time for classes, attend them all, and do any outside preparation that is required. If you do well in the course, let your mom know that you found it helpful and did well.
This will help her see that you are committed and capable. If she still is unsure about you babysitting, perhaps you can talk to her to see why - is she just nervous about you caring for small babies? For families of more than one child?
Try to compromise with her, and perhaps offer to start small. Perhaps babysit for only one family that has one child that is a little older.
If a family talks to you and likes you, then ultimately it's up to them to judge whether they think their children will be safe with you. If you start small, you will build your mother's trust AND the family's - and they'll soon be telling their friends about their great new babysitter.
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Can Dr.'s tell if you have been fingered? (link)
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Nope. Every vagina is different, and no good doctor would presume they could tell what you've been up to sexually. It's important to ask your doctor about her/his confidentiality guidelines; after all, if your doctor is asking a question about sexual involvement, it's probably relevant to your health.
However, done with clean hands and with consideration of protection if necessary, fingering won't cause you any health problems.
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Hey alison, sorry 2 bother you. Your probably getting tired of answering my pointless questions. i'll tyr to write less frequently. But do you have any suggestions on how I can speak out about environmental probelems at my age? I want to address the nation, and alert them about what's happenining to our earth. Perhaps they'll listen to a child more than an adult. I wan to mAKE a difference on this Earth. Oh, and when I say speak out, I mean, being able 2 talk to every1 in the U.S. Thanks!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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It's certainly a brilliant thing that you are concerned about the environment and want to get involved.
Perhaps a first step might be to focus on a problem you particularly worrying. Once you've got the one area that interests you the most, try to think of positive solutions (or small steps in the right directions) that will deal with this issue.
Once you've got that sorted, you'll need to start on the small scale. Try to organize something in your school, city, or area. This gives you a chance to practice working with the public, and also gives you time to really work on your ideas to make them the best they can be.
You can also contact local branches of national enviromental agencies and see if they accept volunteers.
A realistic goal will allow you to work towards real change in your local area - and if you succeed on that level, you can apply what you've learned and work towards change on a much bigger level.
Best of luck!
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Triple G- Iwas reading ur column again....what does 69ed and ate out/ eaten out mean? (link)
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These are both terms for oral sex. 69 is a sexual position where both partners are receiving oral sex at the same time.
'Eaten out' usually refers to a woman receiving oral sex, while 'getting head' generally refers to a male receiving it.
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it's been a week since me and my boyfriend had sex. and i noticed the next time i went to the bathroom it felt funny. but today, i looked down and noticed i tore something [probably while having sex]. do i need to seek medical attention or will time take care of it and heal it? (link)
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If a tear is big enough to be noticeable, you may want to get a doctor's advice.
Any tears outside of the vaginal canal are probably not related to having sex, unless fingernails were involved - or anything else that might have snagged your skin.
If you are in a great deal of pain, see a doctor soon. If not, you may want to see a doctor anyway - but chances are he/she will tell you to keep the area washed and clean, to avoid any activity that hurts the tear, and to be gentle with sex until it has fully healed.
Please keep in mind that a tear on/in your genitals largely ups your chances of getting a sexually transmitted infection if your partner is infected.
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My bf and I were fooling around and he had alot of precum on his penis. He wiped it off and on his pants or shirt and shortly after that he went to finger me. He didn't get very far in I jumped back remembering the precum. I know you can get pregnant from precum but if it was pretty dried off and only went in the rim of my vulva - wouldn't any sperm have died off in the air ? Help me I'm so scared ! And yes, it was even mid cycle so that's making it worse. I know they can swim and PC can cause PG, but isn't that only when the penis is at least inside ??? (link)
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Anytime semen enters the vagina, there is a chance of pregnancy. Of course, everything is relative - the longer the contact or amount of semen, the higher the chances of pregnancy.
That being said, flukes happen - particularly mid-cycle.
Chances are you're fine, though you'll have to wait for your period to be definite. You may want to have a talk with your boyfriend about how to prevent this kind of worry in future - such as always washing his hands with soap and water before touching you.
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Hey Aison Marie, Triple G coming at you. Sometimes, only sometimes, like one every month, I pee and it burns inside me for like 10 minutes. I had a feeling it was a urinary tract infection, but I'm not sure.
P.S.- Did you actually delete my question about creating a xanga site? I really needed the answer. Okay now, I feel like I'm using you. Sorry....but did you delete it? (link)
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Burning when you pee is a sign that something is wrong - only a doctor would be able to tell you specifically what was going on and how to deal with it.
I haven't deleted your question about creating a xanga site, or any of them. I simply don't know anything about xanga and haven't had the time to research it.
As with any blog, you should be able to get most of the information about setting one up directly from the site itself. There should be a link called 'get your own' or 'page setup' or 'help.' Poke around the page and see what you can figure out, because realistically I'll have to do the same thing and may not be a great help!
Best of luck.
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I am a 14 year old female. I have been noticing a clearish substance that flows from my vagina almost constantly. Weather I am aroused or not, its always there. I first noticed this when I got my first period at age twelve. I looked up some stuff online and found out that the proper term is vaginal discharge, but what I read didn't answer any of my questions about this fluid. So then i found this sight and decided to ask for advice. I am too uncomfortable to talk about the situation with my mom,so I thought I'd ask you.Is this clear non-scented fluid normal? Is there any reason i should talk to my mom or doctor about it?
Well, that's about all. I just wanted some answers. (link)
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Discharge is normal. As you noticed, it appears just around the time of your first period - and it'll stick around for the years you are menstruating, and perhaps beyond.
Discharge helps your vagina to clean itself. It may change texture or colour slightly when you are at your most fertile, but should always be odourless and a non-scary colour. If yours is clear and not smelly, then you're perfectly healthy.
If you have further concerns, your doctor is probably used to answering questions like this and can help put your mind at rest.
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I feel really uncomfortable about asking this question, but you've probally heard worse right?
My b/f and i have just started having sex. He asked me to shave my pubic hair, and i did. I have shaved it three or four times so far, but it hurts. its like razor burn, but worse. is this normal. i asked my best friend (who shaves the hair down thier too) and she says she hasnt expirienced any pain. In other words is this normal? and if it is how can i shave with less pain?
15/f by thw way.
thanks in advance. (link)
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Right. The things that make shaving easier, wherever on your body you happen to be shaving:
Make sure you are using a brand new razor. The sharper the blade, the less irritation. If you are using a duller blade and having to sweep over the same area again and again, this will increase your chances of getting razor burn.
Also use a thick shaving cream, and shave in the direction the hair is growing. This isn't as effective as shaving the opposite direction, but will lessen irritation.
You'll also want to stay away from soap with scents when you wash the area - use something designed for sensitive skin.
Finally, think about how you feel about shaving. If you are shaving just for this boy and the pain sticks around, is it worth it to you? Many, many females don't shave their main pubic hair at all and only concentrate on the bikini line - so it's not unusual to let your hair grow as natural.
Best of luck.
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Hey A.M.- it's Triple G, or GGG, 0r 3G. Just wowndering, is it normal 4 a girl 2 grow a mustache? I mean, I'm always having to shave each month. I'm always getting a mustache. I feel like a man. Any input will be fine (link)
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Many females get hairs on their upper lip - ranging from a few dark strays to many hairs. Your options can include shaving, bleaching the hair, waxing, or letting it be.
Shaving may irritate the skin, and if you're only shaving once a month perhaps the hairs seem bigger in your mind than they are in reality.
It's normal to have fine, downy hair all over your face and body - if you look closely at most any female, you'll see they're covered in almost invisible hairs!
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Triple G again. Today during Science, our teacher was refreshing our memories about Life and Physical Science for the test from the State. She then went off topic and started talking about pregnancy. She talked about toxic shock, a doctor who let a newborn slip out of her hands and it died, bleeding to death. When she taked about this I felt bad that I'm a girl/woman. It's not fair. Men/boys can go and have their fun and not suffer any physical pain, but us girls/women suffer. I never wanted to get pregnant in the 1st place, too much pain. Now I'm definitely gonna die a virgin. Besides, why help bring up the population in such a cruel hearted world. i wish everyone had no bad in them, including me. Say anything you want. (link)
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'Good' and 'bad' are relative terms. Life is ultimately about making a series of choices, and the effects that those choices have on ourselves and the people around us. Many emotions that people usually call 'bad' are actually normal and healthy, in moderation and used appropriate - anger, fear, grief.
Girls and women DO get periods and go through childbirth, and their attitudes about it differ. Some people welcome this into their lives, as they long for children and are willing to put up with the pain. Others fear the process and resent the pain - everyone's different. Your views may change over time, or they may not.
Men and boys have their own unique issues they deal with, and it's important to realize that whatever the gender of the person, everyone has a story. Everyone feels pain, gets angry, feels frustrated - it's part of the human condition.
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Triple G- do you have to pay to ask a question here, or get registered? (link)
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There's no need to pay money or get registered. There's no way the person you are asking questions to can get access to your name or email address (unless, like you, the questioner chooses to give themselves a nickname) so it's all completely anonymous.
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can u prevent geting herpes by useing a condom (link)
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Well, yes and no. Herpes will not strictly be just on the penis or inside the vagina. If the herpes are on a part of the genitals that are not covered by latex and the other person's body touches this part, then the herpes may be transfered.
The female condom hangs outside the vagina and covers more skin, so it offers slightly more protection.
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if you masterbate and your only on your third period and it;s missed. what do u do? Today is the 6th and i was supposed to have it on the 26 if April! What;s the deal?? (link)
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Masturbation shouldn't have any noticeable affect on your period. If it's only your third period, then chances are you'll be irregular for awhile. It can take up to a year for the hormones to settle down and start regulating your period.
Masturbation does not affect these hormones.
If your period does not come for an extended period of time - and there's no possibility of pregnancy - then you may want to see your family doctor. He/she will be able to make sure everything's okay and also give you more info.
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