about

I'm a qualified colour therapist and I'm doing a course in psychotherapy and councelling. i have the letters SNHS after my name which means i have a diploma from The School of Natual Health Sciences.
I have life experience in mental health, agoraphobia,bullying,parents divorce.


advice

How do i set limits on lending someone money? My ex-boyfriend and best friend is a great guy (wonderful) but he borrows money frequently. He will borrow money weekly if he thinks I have any cash.

He borrows large and small amounts; he simply asks for whatever amount he thinks (or discovers) I have and that he needs. I often forget all the 10 20 30 dollar loans so sometimes he pays money back and sometimes he does not. He currently owes me over a thousand.

He got really angry when I once asked him to sign a repayment agreement, so thats not an option. He expresses frustration if I try to give him a check rather than cash. I always try to avoid talking about money with him, but if i do or if he knows I have purchased any item for more than twenty bucks, he will comment that I must be doing okay financially and can he borrow money?

I did borrow money from him once about five years ago when I was unemployed and ill; he said it was a gift, but I decided we could take it off what he owed me from a year earlier. (this infuriated him- he wanted it to be a gift.)

I want to maintain our friendship because i enjoy his companionship. However, last week i lent him another five hundred and he wanted even more... it is too stressful. I told him I dont want to loan him anymore money. Today he called for another hundred.

I am a single mom with three college age kids. My 17 year old is still at home, and I spend more on my friend than i do on my daughter... this borrowing has got to stop. how can i set limits??

How can you not see that this guy is using you?

You may enjoy his companionship but he's not a friend, he may be nice to you and have a good old chat and a giggle with you, of course he does because if he didn't then whereelse will he get the money?

He's asking you over and over again and for large amount because you always give in. The more you give him money it's just a green light to him to ask again because he always gets it. HE IS USING YOU!
Don't set any boudries except $0. Do not give him any money, if he notices you have something new then tell you it's because you saved for it and now you've spent up. WHat you are buying is for yourself and your 3 children and at the moment you are putting this user before your family.

Tell him enough is enough, you are not bailing him out anymore, if you wants money then tell him to earn it like any other person would and if he get's angry and decides to no longer be your friend, well then that's proof of how he has been using you all along.
If he was a friend he would not be putting you under this kind of pressure and upsetting you.

PLEASE don't give him money, if he calls you on the phone then tell him that your not giving him anymore, end of! And if he starts getting moody and asks you again, just hang up.
If he asks you at your door then shut the door in his face (or tell him to leave if he's in your home).

You need to put your family first.

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SO if not anxiety disorder, I have depression. What do I do from here and who do I talk to to get help? Is an anxiety disorder normal for my teens or more serious? Has this happened to someone before and done something about it? Please tell me.

From personal experience I would say please get help now.
When i hit 17 i became completely agoraphobic and over taken by panic attacks and depression.
I'm now 26 and i am in a bad way with panic, agoraphobia, social phobia.

I'm not saying this to frighten you, I know my case is extreme but I would give anything to go back and get help when i had the chance.

Your doctor will be able to tell you whether you have anxiety or depression, how bad it is, ect

If it's got to the stage where you made need help with it then you may be refferred to a psychologist (I was when I was 16 but i wasn't ill then), it was just a one off thing though and she was able to tell that I wasn't in need of any help).

If you do need extra help, then this can come in the form of therapy, which is usually once a week, just one to one.

Medication are usually a last resort.

There are natural remedies you can have for anxiety such as Bach rescue remedy and Kalms.

But see your doctor and get their proffecssional opinion first, your only young and it's very common in teens to feel stressed out and anxious, and also to have dark moods so you may be worrying about nothing, but just get it checked out first and then you can start feeling alot better.

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can anyone translate this, one of my friends posted this on their facebook but wont tell anyone what it means!

وأنا على استعداد لجميع العواقب. صدقوني ، لقد نوايا أسوأ.

It's in Arabic, and means...

I am ready for all the consequences. Believe me, I have the worst intentions.

The wonders of Google Transelate :-)

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is there any way i could trace back my family an make some sort of family tree but i mean on the internet ? thanks

I#ve spent alot of time researching my family tree and have found ancestry.co.uk (or ancestry.com if you are in the US) is the best website.
You have to pay to look at records but a good tip is to just sign up for 1 month then if you get bored of researching you can cancel it, or continue paying each month, rather than signing up for a full year.
There is also a pay-per-view option but i wouldnt recomend that because it will get very expensive as you'll find you want and need to look at everything.

It builds your family tree from you, and gives you hints on documents that could be relevent to your family.

You can look at birth records, marriage records, death records, prison records, immigration records, passanger lists from boats.
You can also look at people who are creating their family tree's on the website to see if you are related in some way.

I find that exciting, we've found relatives who we never knew about, then we shared photos or our ancestors, it's really facinating.

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I'm pregnant with my first child and I'm having terrible nausea in the morning when I wake up. It completely ruins my day and I feel like I'm not getting enough nutrients for the baby since I'm so terribly ill at the beginning of the day. I was wondering if there were any natural remedies or "cures" for morning sickness?

Ginger is brilliant for nausea. Root ginger is best, but I have ginger biscuits and they are great too, and ginger tea.
Peppermints and peppermint tea is also great for nausea although i've never tried that, just ginger.

Have a look at this page too, tells you about ginger and also what you can do to ease the morning sickness.

http://www.womens-health.co.uk/solutions-for-morning-sickness.html

Hope you feel better x

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I am taking an anatomy class right now.. we have weekly quizzes. Once I peered over to the next person's quiz from the corner of my eye, to check my answer. I have never cheated on a quiz/test since probably...ever. I was really nervous about doing poorly, and made a mistake. The next week, our professor mentioned that we should not cheat on quizzes, and that even if we think she cannot see us, she does. I don't know if she saw me, or if there was someone else who might have also cheated. She never confronted me about it, and did not give me a zero on that quiz (I did badly anyway, just checked on one answer to see if it was right). Two weeks later, I don't know if it was just me, but when she was passing back a different quiz, I thought she gave me a bad look. She has not given me a zero, never mentioned it...
But now I am worried she will do something under the radar, so to speak. Does it seem like she might fail me? I'm worried now...

Don't worry about it, alot of people do cheat on those kind of things, copy from the person next to them. Teachers can tell when 2 people who sit next to eachother have the same answers, get the same questions right and wrong.
If your only did it for one answer then it's unlike she noticed, there will be many more people doing th esame thing in your class, and she'll know who is likely to do that so who to keep an eye on.

It's not like it was an exam, and you only did it for once, and you have deffinately learn your lesson :-)

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ok, i know the cheat is ctrl + shift + c. and then motherlode or whatever i want.. but...i don't get where i do this at. do i do at there house? when i do it at their house nothing comes up, am i suppose to include the + signs? do i do it all at once?


haha, i've never used cheat codes before, so i have no idea how to do it!

You use that cheat (for extra money) when your on the plot, so you can have the money to build a house, or so your family have money (when they are moved in).

You don't put the "+" in.

You press, CTRL SHIFT C all at the same time.
Then a box will appear in the top left corner.
Type motherloade in the box and then press return, and it will give you more money.

--------------
There is also a fab cheat for all sorts of things. It makes your game easier but not everyone choses to use it.

press CTRL SHIFT C all at the same time again.
Then in the box that comes up you type in;
BOOLPROP TESTINGCHEATSENABLED TRUE
I do this cheat on the neighbourhood before i've even entered a house but I think you can do it at any time.

This will enable you to give your sims all the skills you want them to have, make their needs bar full, empty or whatevery you want, just by dragging it.

Holding down SHIFT and clicking on mailbox opens up new opportunies for you to explore, but some include,
Making everyone in your house happy
Inviting new people to the family, I've had about 15 in the family at one point,
Making friends with your neighbour hood,
Dress them without making them do to wardrobe,

There's just tons for you to explore

Have fun x

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I am a thirteen year old girl and whenever it comes to presentations...i start getting nevous. Not only presentations...reading out loud. My voice gets stuck and i cant read properly. Even if its in front of 16 students including my teacher. Im really scared. We have a presentation to do alone which is 7 minutes long. Practicing in front of the mirror does not help me. what else?? please i need advice so i wont be scared for the presentation

I used to be like this at school and college too, i used to find myself going bright red, getting panicky, stammering over my words, i found that explaining to the teacher really helped, they were more than happy to just let me do a presentation with them in the room and no one else.
Try explaining it and see if that is an option x

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hey i need a british flag dress.

not a costume, a legit dress.


can anyone give me a website?

Amanda Holden wore this one when she was judging the final of Britains got talent

http://www.goddiva.co.uk/Home/party-dresses/Union-Jack-Dress

There's also some here, i think a few are just normal dresses and not costumes

http://www.unionjackwear.co.uk/prodlist.asp?cat=Skirts/Dresses

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i'm 17, please don't ramble on about if you think i'm too young for sex...i've been with my guy for over a year and i have that amazing connection with him. i feel like i'm ready to have sex with him but i always get doubts...i think i'm always going to get doubts though until i actually do it and get the "first time/painful" thing out of the way. the doubts have absolutely nothing to do with him or not trusting him...it takes me a lonngg time for me to even be close to trusting someone but he has my life in his hands and i know hes loyal. so are these doubts about like it hurting and pregnancy normal? i'm just scared i guess...i get ridiculously wet though so i should be okay right?

I don't think you are too young for sex and it's really refreshing to hear that you have waited over a year and have made sure your boyfriend is the one before you go any further.

It's completely normal to have those fears about it hurting and getting pregnant,i think most girls have those fears, i know i did when i lost my virginity at 16.

First time sex does hurt for the majority of girls but that doesnt mean it will for you, and if it does hurt then just know that it is absolutely natural to do so. It may even bleed a little, but again, that is perfectly normal.

Just make sure you are careful, your boyfriend uses a condom, he is very gentle, and you do it in a safe and comfortable enviroment (i.e one of your homes, where you won't be disturbed.)

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14-f

im 5'6 and 104 pounds... am i fat??????????????

Far from it, you are actually under weight.

If you look at this chart, you will see that you are 5 ft 6 and 7.6 stone, which means you actually need to put on half a stone just to be in the OK section.

http://carearea.com/heightweightchart.jpg

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is it okay for a 19 year old to date a 24 year old? just curious to everyone's opinions :) thanks!

That's absolutely fine and perfectly normal.

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i am 13 years old, i am 5'8 and i weigh 123 lbs. and i desperatley need help hiding not eating from my friends. i am not looking for some lecture, because trust me i've gotten many of them from friends. can someone just please tell me how i can hide it, dont waste your time lecturing me because i'm not going to listen. my mom notcied a bit that i'm not eating but my dad didnt notice anything, but one day i was talkin to my friend and she said "how come you dont eat, is there a reason?" and then i regret saying it, but i said "no, you know i am just anorexic because i feel like it". and now some of my other really close friends know and they think i am eating now but i dont know how much longer i can hide from them. they want me to go see a docter and to get help and to tell my parents. someone please help me here!

It's been said a thousand times before on Advicenators and i'll say it again;

NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU KILL YOURSELF!

Or hide the fact that you are killing yourself!

I dont want to scare you but that IS what you are doing, you are already dangerously underweight.

I know you dont want a lecture but take advice from someone who's been there 8 years ago and is suffering in ways you wouldnt believe.

I dropped down to 6 stone (that was a loss of 2 stone in less that 2 months).

Apart from the physical effects it had on my body and is still having on my body now even though i've put the weight back on, the weakening of bones, teeth, nails, very dry skin, high risk of ostio persosis, i'm 25 years old now and I can't even bend down or stand up without agonising pain in my knees and ankles, the god awful stomach panins and discomfort, diarea, contipation, anxiety, depression (especially when your in an eating disorders clinic/hospital).

Apart from all that, the metal side has been touturous.
Your going to get to the point (if you havent already) where you are feeling so ill that you don't feel well enough to be with your family and friends, when feeling ill is making you anxious so much so that you want to be on your own.
That happend to me after about a year, and as a result, i'm agoraphobic and social phobic, and i mean to the exteme point where i cannot see my family because it causes panic attacks, i lost all my friends, had to quit college.

Do you really want to become some ill recluse?

before i stopped eating, i was adventurous, fun, so happy, sociable, and now i can't even see my family, i can't go shopping in town with my friends like i used to, i can't work, i'm having panic attacks every single day and all those symptoms i mentioned before, thats an everyday thing, i havent had 1 single days where i've felt well in 8 years!

Please, don't do it to yourself, its horendous and i wouldnt wish it on anybody.

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I had a website bookmarked on my old laptop, but because it broke down completely, I can't get to it any more.
So, the website was a fashion one, you could pick out clothes from the site, or Google images, and so on. And then resize them and whatnot to make it look like an outfit...
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
It wasn't like a game... pictures of real clothes?
And the background of the site was white. It might've changed?

Thanks!

www.polyvore.com

I love it too :-)

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Can you help me find this necklace?

http://tinypic.com/r/2vj1i7c/3

Does anybody know where I can get this EXCAT necklace?
Do not tell me to just ear a peace and heart necklace, thats stupid.
I want the EXACT necklace.

And I cannot ask the person where she got it because I have no idea who the real people is.
Thankyou.

I've spent alot of time looking and the only one i can fid that comes close is this one, Not exact but same design

http://www.djpremium.com/shop/G1-V104684-R54334-P539047/peace-love-pendant.html

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Awhile ago I read an interview of Jessica Smith (of Laguna Beach). In the interview she basically reveals all of laguna's "secrets" (like how it was practically scripted etc.
I would really like to read it again but i can't find it. Does anyone know where I would be able to find this article?

Thanks so much!!

I've not found the Jessica Smith one but there's this one by Kristin Cavallari where she talks about the show being scripted.

http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2007/03/kristin-cavallari-the-gq-interview-pictures/

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I get so nervous if I go into something new or with any kind of big change. Nervous to the point where I throw up. I feel sick at my stomach and get nervous and I stress out to my breaking point over things that shouldn't do this to me. It has happened to me before..and this time I'm starting college in a few days..leaving my friends and family and its scaring me.

Has anyone else ever felt this much anxiety over something as small as this? Any advice to calm the nerves and better adjust to any new situations?

Your having panic attacks. There pretty much an everyday occurence for me, even just seeing my family, but thankfuly your not so bad.

Starting college isn't a small thing, it's a huge thing, it's very new, so theres no wonder your having panic attacks about it.

I would suggest you see your GP for some advice (even even just call them on the phone), you wont have to go on tablets, especially as it's not regular panic attacks, an dif you get offerd them you can turn them down.

Try Rescue Remedy and natural oils to help you, i have rescue remedy when i'm having a panic attack, and also lavender roll on and soothing smelling salts, available at health shops or online.

Not sure where your living but here in UK we have tablets called Kalms (probably have something similar in outer countries), they are just something you can take as and when you need it, if you have a stressful day coming up, my grandma swears by them as she gets nervous about going in to town and they take away her nerves.

Also make sure you have a comfort bag with you when your going to be doing something that makes you panic. You can use your handbag, just keep a bottle of water in it to help when you feeling sick, rescue remedy (i use drops, there are also sprays and pastilles), soothing oils, your phone, some tissue (just incase you are sik), a puzzle book for distraction (a must in the fight againt panic). and a pen. You might want a paper bag too incase you hyperventilate.

I also have a note book with simple instructions of what to do if im having a panic attack, because its hard to think of anything.

Take care, message me if you need any more advice xxxx

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Hey guys i have been getting like 3 big pimples above my lip and im really sick of it. iv tried the shaving cream remedie and tbe toothpaste one too. they dont work. i need something that actually works. or even a acne ointment that WORKS. thanks. btw im 13
ashkon

Valderma cream worked miracles for my spots when all else failed, so i deffinately reccomend that.

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hey does anyone know where i could get about 100 customized livestong braclets pretty cheap? all i could find is places for like $100 anyone know a cheaper place?

Try this website, I'm from the UK so i don't understand the pricing, you can buy in bulk though, just go to the "Price" bit at the top of the page.

http://www.kulayful.com/

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I'm stuck home this weekend all alone and I'm so bored. My parents went on a business trip and they let me stay home but there's nothing to do! I really don't feel like going out either because I'm on my period and I'm tired a lot. Is there anything fun to do without leaving the house? I thought maybe some sort of neat free internet game or something? I can't think of anything. I don't know...

ideas?

Due to health problems I have to spend ALOT of time home alone and so bored, i created a list of things to do, it was designed for people with mental health issues and panic issues so everything on it is all things you can do in your home.

Computer and Internet

Play computer games
Make a newspaper or magazine (You can use pictures from the internet)
Make a CD, tape, DVD or video cover
Play games online
Online Course
Surf the web
Join forums (Phobic, your favourite band or TV program, hobbies, cars etc)
Create Quizzes or take Quizzes
Watch web cams (www.Earthcam.com is really good)
Print off writing exercises, puzzles, stories, recipes, music sheets etc)
Learn new skills and about new things (knitting, scrap booking, guitar, flower arranging, animals etc)
Watch TV clips, programmes and movies (for free on www.youtube.com)
Create a profile on dating/friendship websites
Create your own website or group (You can do this for free or you can pay)
Find epals/penpals
Chat in chat rooms or instant messengers
Shop online (For food, clothes, supplies for hobbies, DVD’s, CD’s etc)

Creative

Make a scrapbook (You can make one for your favourite photos, or for your favourite TV program, music band, or things you like such as cars).
Make greetings cards
Make jewellery
Knit
Cross Stitch
Paint
Draw
Make a collage
Decorate a room in your house
Origami
Cook/Bake
Make a newspaper or magazine (Using cuttings from other newspapers and magazines, pictures from the internet, photos, felt tip pens etc)
Make a CD, tape, DVD or video cover (Using pens, pencils, paint, pictures)
Do writing exercises
Write a story, novel, your autobiography, a song
Write a script for your favourite TV programme
Make quizzes
Sort your photographs into albums
Make a documentary about your agoraphobia, fears, progress etc
Create a dance or exercise routine
Design houses, buildings, cars, clothing etc
Customise old clothing
Make a board game
Paint glass bottles
Decorate boxes to keep jewellery and other keepsakes in
Have music lessons (Find someone who will come to your home to teach you)
Make lists (Your favourite songs, DVD’s, food etc)
Imagine that you are going to a desert island or The Artic, write down what you would take with you (which clothing, DVD’s, albums, books etc)

Other

Make a CD, tape or computer play list
Read books/magazines
Watch films/TV
Listen to the radio/cd’s
Organise your CD’s/DVD’s
Ring or text family and friends
Invite family and friends
Exercise
Do yoga
Have a bath
Pamper yourself
Play board games
Make a treasure hunt (especially good if you have children)
Do a home study course
Do housework
Play games on a mobile phone

Hope that gives you pleanty of ideas :-) xxx

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